Take Back the City
by Scotland Evander
Summary: Natasha has a crush, Steve hoards purses, Loki fights crime, Tony does some soul searching, and Bucky bakes. Clint meanwhile sits on his farm wondering what would happen if Tony and Steve shouted lyrics across the battlefield at one another. *Part 7 of Various States*
1. Beyond Your Dreams, Within Your Reach

_A/N: The following are a collection of one-shot stories that stand on their own and cover what happens between the end of CAWS and CACW. I know, that's a whole lot to cover in a collection of one-shots, but hey, I'm doing it. There will be no actual Ultron stand alone story for this series. Why? Honest? I disliked the movie to the point I didn't want to deal with it. It makes me mad. So, it happened, but will not be actively covered in this series as the other movies have been covered._

 _This collection will also cross over with Agents of Shield later on._

* * *

 ** _Beyond Your Dreams, Within Your Reach_**

* * *

 _It bears it's teeth like a light / And spits me out after days / But we're all gluttons for it / We know what's wrong and it's right_

 _-Snow Patrol, "Take Back the City"_

* * *

It'd started on the hellicarrier. While Rogers was busy freaking out over the tall, dark, and freakishly handsome, Natasha Romanov was busy staring at the shorter, older, and graying man next to the object of Rogers's obsession. Her heart did something it'd never done before: it flipped.

Granted, it'd taken her awhile to figure out it'd done this as it'd never done it before, but by the time the battle was done and she could analyze, she'd realized what had occurred.

She promptly freaked out in the only way she knew: she didn't.

Natasha had never "freaked out" in her life and wasn't exactly sure how to start, but she really wanted to have some sort of dramatic reaction to the realization for the first time in her life she was attracted to someone.

So, she did the only thing she could think of: avoided Bruce Banner. It was not all that hard, even after she took up Stark's offer to live in the Tower after the Texas Incident. She was only there a few months before she moved to Anchorage, Alaska to watch over Jessica Witton's readjustment. After that was deemed successful, she had other missions for SHIELD, so she spent little time in the tower.

She had successfully avoided Bruce Banner for a solid three months when her heart did that strange flipping again in his presence.

And she blamed Loki.

She'd asked JARVIS where Loki was on very boring afternoon, as she knew he was in the Tower more often than not and wanted to a practice on her knife work. JARVIS informed her Loki was on the R&D floor, in Lab D. She didn't think twice, as that was where he was more often than not.

She froze in the doorway upon finding Loki.

He was with Bruce not Stark. She was an idiot for not asking JARVIS who Loki was visiting.

Bruce continued to babble about whatever he was showing Loki, but Loki looked right at her. (Of course he could hear her silent steps, bastard.) He stared a few seconds before turning his attention back to Bruce and joining the technobabble.

"Bruce, I think you got it," Loki proclaimed, smiling brightly and blinding anyone nearby.

Luckily, Bruce wasn't blinded as he wasn't even looking at Loki, but at the halo-screens before him.

Bruce frowned (adorable), pushed his glasses further up his nose (too cute for words, ugh), and squinted at the hologram. Just when she thought her heart was going to explode from the amount of…mushy emotions running through her system, Bruce had to go and beam at the screen.

Hell.

"Magic," he breathed, smiling so large Natasha was sure he was going to rip his face in two. "We made magic."

"Indeed," Loki agreed. "On paper. Who knows if this will actually work in real life."

"You made magic?" Natasha asked, making herself known to Bruce.

He leapt into the air, fell off the stool, tripped over his feet several times before managed to right himself on the table, and stared wide-eyed at her through the hologram screen he'd been looking at moments ago. His hair, which had grown out from the disastrous haircut he'd gotten shortly before the Texas Incident, flopped forward, resting on top of his glasses.

He was trying to kill her. Death by Adorableness.

"Theoretically," Loki offered, flopping a slim hand in her direction. "What can I do for you, Agent Romanov?"

Natasha ranted at Loki internally while she kept her face blank as she made herself walk further into the lab.

"I need someone to spar with," she replied, then added, "who is not Steve."

Loki chuckled. "Why ever not?"

"He's not light on his feet."

That was somewhat a lie, as Steve moved lightly and with his own unique grace, but it was predictable to her, where was Loki as unpredictable as they came.

Loki raised an eyebrow and waited for her to retract her statement. She folded her arms and set her face in a hard expression. Bruce glanced between then, then rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure you wish to take me on?" Loki asked, turning his attention to Natasha. He flicked his fingers through the holoscreen, making it vanish. Bruce took his glasses off and began to clean them on his shirt. "I am just as strong as Steven, if not a little bit stronger."

Natasha scoffed. "I need a challenge who can dance."

Loki looked intrigued and cast a glance at Bruce, who was looking as if he regretted taking up space. Natasha knew she'd done something to make Loki think he knew something she didn't, as he smirked and grabbed Bruce by the shoulder, thrusting him forward.

"Bruce dances."

"What? No. Loki!" Bruce protested. "We just made a huge discovery! I have to research—"

"It'll be fun!" Loki insisted, pushing a protesting Bruce forward.

Natasha blankly stared at Loki.

"I do not fight. It's not good for—"

"You would not be fighting. You'd be dancing. She just said so," Loki gleefully went on. He steered Bruce out of the room. Bruce, who was flaying all over the place in an attempt to escape from the God of Mischief, objected with a voice that began to crack it was going so high.

Natasha was going to kill Loki.

She turned on her heel and followed behind the protesting Bruce and the simpering Loki. The trio entered the gym. Natasha was already dressed for working out, so she sat down on the bench and waited while Loki fought Bruce into something other than his usual khaki pants and button down.

Her heart flipped over when Loki produced Bruce ten minutes later. Loki was dressed looking as if he was about to take part in a yoga class at a high end gym. Bruce, on the other hand, looked as if he was heading to his first day of gym class at Stark Industries High School.

He was utterly endearing in the oversized t-shirt and two sizes too big gym shorts, which were being held up by sheer will Natasha feared. Stark stocked the gym with those micro sized gym shorts for those who didn't have any. Natasha had lost track of the times she'd caught either Steve or Thor walking around in those things. They left nothing to the imagination. She had no idea why neither could remember their own workout pants, but she figured that Stark was behind the MIA shorts, mostly due to Steve's sour expressions when he caught her smirking at him.

Natasha really wanted to glare at Loki, but judging by the wattage of his smirk, she needed to be more emotionless than usual.

Loki steered Bruce over to Natasha. His smile grew to leering as he said, "Enjoy."

And he vanished.

Natasha blinked a few times, wondering where he had gone in a blink of an eye. She scanned the room several times before looking back at the mortified Bruce Banner.

"He does that. No idea how without his magic," Bruce muttered. "I can go. I don't know—"

"It's fine. You do yoga, don't you?" Natasha asked, standing up and rolling her shoulders back. "I can do that."

Bruce looked utterly confused, but nodded.

"I will hunt Loki down and murder him later," Natasha went on, going over to the cabinet along the wall that held the yoga mats, blocks, and straps. "Hunting him down will give me as good of a workout as if he'd actually spared with me."

"Uh…okay. I mean…uh…"

Natasha turned and looked at Bruce sharply. He wasn't looking at her, but pulling on his shorts. She stared at him for a few beats before she took pity on him.

"You're about Clint's size," she stated for the reason she was pulling out a pair of sweatpants from the yoga cabinet.

(Because he was Clint and he couldn't be bothered to store his things in their proper location, he had caches of things all over the tower. Just so happened he kept sweatpants in the yoga cabinet.)

"Thank god," Bruce breathed. "He won't mind?"

"Nope. Likely won't even notice he's down a pair. You've never done yoga in here?"

Bruce shook his head, yanking the sweatpants up over the gym shorts. "I usually practice in my own room."

"Well, let's begin."

* * *

 _Don't make a fuss and go crazy over you and me / Here's what I'll do, I'll play it loose / Not like we have a date with destiny_

 _-Jennifer Page, "Crush"_

* * *

Doing yoga with Bruce was the dumbest thing Natasha had done in her entire life. Dumber than that time she got a perm.

Bruce moved with grace, he was very flexible, and watching him do Sun Salutations made her heart beat oddly and sweat in places she never sweat while doing yoga.

She hated Loki with a flaming passion.

Especially after he showed up later that night, finding her in Stark's (communal) living room. He wore a grin that looked too large to be normal.

"Lovely to see you, Agent Romanov," he said with false sweetness.

She glared daggers at him while wishing she had actual dagger to chuck at his head.

Stark walked into the room, saw her expression, and walked back out.

If only Loki were afraid of her like everyone else. Tragically, he was not and she knew it was not because he was stronger, faster, and heavier. No, he knew that she could take him down if need be, yet he was not afraid of her because he knew she'd do nothing other than glare.

Oh, how she loathed him.

"Love," Loki sung, giving her a rather sappy expression that looked all kinds of wrong on his face. "It's in the air."

He turned on his heels, humming, and left her alone in the living room, seething.

She was not in love.

It was just a crush.

And it'd go away when she moved to DC for the unforeseeable future.

* * *

 _Here I'm dancing on the ground / Am I right side up or upside down / Is this real or am I dreaming_

 _-Dave Matthew's Band, "Crush"_

* * *

It did not go away. If anything, it grew stronger. She found excuses to go back to New York, to spend time with Bruce. She discovered during one of her weekend jaunts, he liked old movies. Natasha loved old, cheesy movies, especially the screwball comedies that didn't make much sense today.

Bruce liked bad monster movies.

It was delightful.

Natasha wanted to gouge her eyes out.

"So, uh, how's the assignment in DC since Steve joined you? Loki seems…weirder than usual."

"Really?" Natasha asked, turning to face Bruce on the couch. He had a huge bowl of popcorn in his lap and greasy fingers. Ugh. So damn cute.

"Yeah," Bruce said, not looking at her and popping more popcorn into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed before he glanced at her and shifted a little when he found her staring. "He's been a little off since the thing in London, but the last few times he's dropped by, I know he's up to something. It's like…he's found something to distract him from magic— which sucks for me as I kinda need his help. He's plotting or something. He keeps muttering about Denmark."

"I know," Natasha agreed darkly. "I'm pretty sure he's not talking about anything actually in Denmark, though."

Bruce nodded, looking pleased she thought Loki was up to something.

Loki was always up to something, be it his quest to embarrass her to death about her stupid crush or thinking SHIELD (Denmark) was doing dark deeds.

SHEILD was up to something fishy. It was why Fury had assigned her and Steve to DC in the first place. It was weird being part of STRIKE. Everything felt wrong about being part of a team like that, but that was where Fury wanted her, that was where she'd be and spy on the organization she worked for. She didn't like it, but she liked Fury more than the organization.

She liked Fury? Had she just thought that? She respected him. She did not _like_ people other than Clint. And maybe Laura. And Steve.

Then again, who could hate Steve? He was just so gosh darn nice.

Oh, god. What the hell was happening to her?

"You looked like you swallowed a lemon," Bruce observed.

"I think I did," Natasha murmured. "What's Loki doing? Besides hacking SHIELD on a daily basis from his Other Earth computer and quoting _Hamlet_ excessively?"

Bruce snorted. "That's all at the moment, I think. He won't tell me exactly what's wrong or what he's plotting, but he's doing a lot of thousand yard stares instead of helping me when he's here."

"Maybe it's because you're trying to create magic and he's lost his," Natasha pointed out gently.

"No, I think now more than ever he wants my research to pan out," Bruce said, sighing deeply. "He misses everything about magic."

"Anyone would," Natasha replied.

"It got me thinking," Bruce started, "if something like that happened to me and the Big Guy was gone for good and I was a lowly mortal once more…"

Natasha leaned forward so she could see his expression in the flicker of the TV screen. He looked confused. He blinked excessively before going on.

"Before I met Loki, I think I would have been joyous. I could go back to the life I had before, I could get married, have kids, be normal, but, I don't think I was ever normal."

"You can still get married," Natasha pointed out, her chest getting tight. She swallowed and added, "And have kids."

Bruce glanced at her, looking sad.

"You've got it under control."

"Hardly."

"So, if some magic stick whacked you and made you…normal, you wouldn't be thrilled?"

"He's a part of me, has been for years," Bruce admitted, looking away. "I guess what I am saying is I'm used to him. While I'd still like something else in place, you know, to make me safer to be around, I don't think I'd really like it all that much if I was…well, a normal, everyday man once more."

"You've accepted who you are," Natasha quietly gathered, not bothering to keep the awe out of her voice.

"Yeah, took awhile, but yeah. I'm me."

"I'm me," Natasha echoed faintly.

Bruce grinned at her, making her heart flutter and her lips quirked into a smile.

She was in so much trouble.

* * *

 _Heaven up above knows how much I love that gentle soul / Angels sing of love like this_

 _-Carla Thomas, "Gee Whiz (Look at His Eyes)"_

* * *

Oh god, she was in so much trouble.

"Hey, big guy."

The Hulk turned and stared at her, huffing. She stared, marveling at the Hulk's eyes. She'd never really noticed them before. They were really were the same color as Bruce's eyes, not green like she thought. They also showed massive intelligence, just as Bruce's eyes.

"So, come here much?" she asked.

She was trapped in a small enclosed space with the Hulk. She wasn't sure how exactly the Hulk had wound up down the hole with her, but he was smashing his way though things in the room in a fit of rage, while Natasha lay prone under a few hundred pounds of concrete. Or what felt like a few hundred pounds. Whatever had fallen on her had trapped her leg, luckily not broken it, but she couldn't manage to lift it off due to her sprained wrists, so she decided she'd talk to the Hulk instead of screaming.

"I'm not too crazy about the whole decor. Kind of dreary. And you can't really see the sunset, can you? I like a good sunset, you know? Pretty. Especially when the sun is getting low in the sky, right before it vanishes. Love that. It's so pretty," she babbled tonelessly.

The Hulk huffed, taking a few steps towards her, his body language softening. She extended her hand towards him, fighting to keep the shaking to a minimum.

There might be more than a sprain in that wrist.

The Hulk stared at her offered hand, looking massively confused. He put down the computer he had been about to throw and stomped his way over to where she was trapped. His eyes scanned her before he leaned down and threw the concrete on her leg over his shoulder. He looked back at her.

He was so close. She'd never been this close to the Hulk before. On the Hellicarrier when he'd come out, he'd split before she could engage him. During the Battle of Malibu, he'd stayed close to the house or in the sky, so she'd only seen him from afar.

She was not scared of him. There was too much Bruce in his eyes.

"The sun is getting low," she said for no reason, her hand still extended out to him.

He slowly extended his own hand towards her and gently took it in his. He studied her for a while longer before he began to shrink. Suddenly, a very naked Bruce was in front of her, blinking sleepily.

"Hey, big guy," she smirked at him, keeping her eyes on his face and not checking out the goods.

"Hi," Bruce said, sounding bemused. "We had a Code Green?"

"Yeah. But, no scepter," she sighed. "Help me up and I'll let you use my jacket."

"I don't think I can fit into your jacket," Bruce said, moving to stand up and help her. He didn't seem to notice he was naked. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.

"I bet we can fashion you a skirt from it," she offered as she let Bruce help her to her feet. Her ankle smarted, but nothing was broken. Bruised, but not broken.

The wrist, though, that might be broken.

Bruce frowned as he looked around the room. "How did we get here?"

"I fell, you jumped after me. I think," she provided. "Not sure how we're going to get back up there."

"YO! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR COMS!"

Iron Man hovered above their heads.

"Brucie! You're you!" Iron Man said as he landed before them, flipping his visor up. "You usually take forever to be you. You need more smashy-smashy."

Stark looked around the room and noticed the lack of smashed items. Well, the usual level of smashed items that would lead the Hulk to tire out and let Bruce back out.

"I dunno," Bruce said. "Natasha's injured. Can you fly her out?"

"Sure. What about you?"

"I will aid Doctor Banner!" Thor shouted, appearing out of nowhere and landing with a flourish.

"How about Stark takes Bruce out. I'll go with Thor," Natasha quickly offered upon seeing the expression of fear on Bruce's face.

Like the Hulk, Bruce wasn't all that fond of Thor. Not that Thor cared or noticed— no matter how many time the Hulk punched Thor and sent him flying or how much more Bruce stuttered when Thor was around and scurried away.

"Yeah," Bruce agreed, helping Natasha over to Thor.

Thor put a hulking arm around her waist, pulling her tightly to his side. She didn't need to use any strength to hold on, he did all the work. He swung his hammer and they were off. She looked down and saw Stark pull some spare clothes out of a compartment on his suit and hand them to Bruce, who quickly covered himself.

Tragic.

Natasha groaned, hiding her face in her hair. Natasha was so tried of having a crush.

* * *

 _Why do I keep running from the truth? / All I ever think about is you / You got me hypnotized, so memorized / And I just got to know you_

 _-David Archuleta, "Crush"_

* * *

SHEILD fell.

Loki's scepter was still MIA. How SHIELD had lost it had been a mystery and bugged Natasha to no end, but now it made sense. HYDRA had it.

Natasha was not all that surprised HYDRA didn't crumble when Steve froze himself and Red Skull went elsewhere, (she did not fool herself that he was dead. Now that she understood more how the Tesseract worked, she doubted Red Skull was dead somewhere in space, but more likely he was off causing hell elsewhere in the galaxy) but she was pissed that the organization had somehow hidden within SHIELD.

Her covers all blown and out of a job, Natasha didn't know where to go after she'd hunted down the paper files on the Winter Solider for Steve. She found herself back at Stark Tower, hiding on her own floor.

"Ms Romanov?" JARVIS's voice sounded throughout her living room. "Doctor Banner is looking for you. Might I tell him where you are?"

"Sure, tell him to come over," she answered tonelessly. "You know he shot me?"

"Pardon?"

"Bucky Barnes shot me," she said for the millionth time. "Bucky Barnes, Captain America's right hand man, shot me. Twice. No one living has shot me twice."

"I am sorry, Agent Romanov. Do you need medical attention?"

Natasha snorted, shaking her head as the elevator dinged open and Bruce poked his head out, looking bemused and unsure. He spotted her sitting on the couch and took a cautious step out of the elevator.

"Bucky Barnes shot me. Twice," she told Bruce, who might respond better than Stark's AI. "I feel like it's a badge of honor or something, since I'm a friend of Steve's and his best friend shot me twice."

"At least he didn't kill you," Bruce said, looking if possible more confused.

"He's the Winter Solider," Natasha went on. It'd been a few days since she'd actually spoken with a human being and the words were spilling out. "He was after a guy I was trying to bring into SHIELD. I got in the way. That's the only reason I'm not dead. I wasn't his mission. But, I saw him. I saw the red star and came very close to loosing it, as I knew that star, I knew the stories of the Russian ghost. I heard about him in the Red Room. He was a legend. Only, granted, we all thought he was a dancer…"

Bruce looked baffled.

"Bucky Barnes shot me," she reiterated.

"You need tea," Bruce proclaimed, scurrying into her kitchen. A few minutes later, he came out with one of the spicy herbal teas she had collected at some point. (She had a bad habit of buying tea and never drinking it.) He offered it to her. "Loki left."

Natasha blinked. "What? Left? Like he went to the store or he left as he…is gone."

Loki didn't leave, mostly due to the public screaming for his blood louder than they were shouting for hers. He'd been in the tower since Stark had sprung him from jail, where he'd wound up after he punched a male nurse who refused to let him see Steve when he was in the hospital after he'd been shot full of bullets by his best-est friend in the world.

Loki hadn't seen the light of day since.

"Gone. Not sure how he did it, as I have a hard time leaving the room when Steve looks as he does right now and I'm not in love with him."

"Oh god," Natasha said, standing quickly and almost dumping hot tea all over herself.

She was supposed to be his friend. Why was she sitting in her empty apartment when he was upstairs, likely wallowing and reading that damn file on the Winter Solider for the millionth time?

"Sit, sit. Sam Wilson is with him. He seemed to know it was coming and showed up minutes after Loki left," Bruce explained, taking the cup from her hands and setting it on the coffee table. "I only came down to see how you were doing, not make you feel guilty. You've been holed up in here since your testimony in DC."

"I don't know what to do with myself," Natasha admitted, sitting back down. "I thought I worked for the good guys, but I was working for the same bad guys in the end."

"I thought you worked for the KGB?"

"No. I was part of the Black Widow program. They were part of HYDRA it turns out, only didn't know it," Natasha said, sitting back down. "I don't know who I am."

Bruce stared at her, looking like a sad puppy. It was worst than Steve looking like a kicked dog.

She was surrounded by sad puppies and she didn't even like actual puppies. Or dogs. Or cats. Or any type of animal really.

"Well, you could go to college and figure it out like most people do," he offered. She couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"I can't leave this tower."

"Why?"

"Everyone knows everything I've ever done," she said quietly. "Just like Loki, my life was exposed and now it is over."

"Did the government take your house?"

"I don't have a house to take."

"They freeze your bank accounts?"

"I don't have any to freeze."

"You don't have a bank account? What did you do with your paychecks?"

"I cashed them, hid the cash. But, I can't get to it, because I can't leave. The tower is still surrounded by protesters and journalists, isn't it?"

Bruce let out a noise through his nose and shook his head.

"They took my passports," Natasha went on. "I'm useless."

"Just because you don't have a passport?"

Natasha shrugged, picking up the tea and hugging the mug to her chest.

"I'm sure Stark's lawyers will get it back," Bruce assured.

"Them," Natasha corrected, "and I doubt it. I don't know what to do with myself. I told Steve that I had to sort myself out because all my covers were blown, but I don't even know where to start. Do you know where Loki went? Maybe I'll go with him?"

Bruce bit his lip and said, "He went to find SHIELD."

Natasha leveled him a look.

"That's what he told Steve. Coulson and his team, Loki thinks that they are now SHIELD."

"Makes sense, since Coulson and his team are MIA still."

"I think you should stay here," Bruce quietly said, shifting uncomfortably on the hard couch.

"Oh?"

He took a long sip from the mug before he spoke again, staring into the murky depths.

"Yeah, uh, remember that last mission we all did looking for Loki's scepter before we knew HYDRA had it? Or that HYDRA was still around? When we thought someone had just stolen it, not walked out the door with permission with it?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do to bring me back?"

Natasha frowned. "Why?"

"Well, you…well, I could have killed you, but I didn't. I saw the state of that room and most of the damage was from when the floor fell out from under our feet. The Big Guy smashed a few things, but mostly it was from the ceiling caving in. What did you do?"

"I talked to him, stuck out my hand," Natasha said, extending her free hand towards him.

He stared at her like she'd lost her mind.

She had. It was on the deck of a now debunked hellicarrier.

"You talked to him?" Bruce echoed very slowly.

"Yeah. He's not as mindless as you think he is."

Bruce snorted. "Okay. If you say so. Tony and I are working on something to stop the Hulk, but I want it to be a last resort. But…"

"You're not going to hurt me, or he's not anyway," Natasha insisted, feeling like she had a purpose, something worth while to do with her time that was not chasing ghosts. "With all the issues Not-SHIELD is likely having, it'll be up to us to hunt down the remains of HYDRA and find Loki's glow stick."

Bruce heaved a huge sigh, setting down his mug and removing his glasses. He began polishing them on his shirt.

"Okay, game plan. Let's have Stark fly us out to the middle of nowhere and we'll try putting the Hulk to sleep."

Bruce blinked at her. He opened his mouth to argue with her, but instead bit his lip and nodded.

He needed to stop biting his lip.

* * *

 _I didn't know how to deal and so I just decided to myself / I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it_

 _-Andy Williams, "I Think I Love You"_

* * *

They spent weeks flying out to various locations without any population within a hundred miles and working on The Lullaby. Natasha couldn't remember who began calling what they were doing that, but that's what they wound up calling it. It struck her as kind of stupid. She wasn't technically putting the Hulk to sleep, just…well, she wasn't sure what words to use.

Fine.

She was putting him to sleep. The Lullaby worked.

"I still can't believe this," Bruce muttered, happily accepting the headphones from Natasha. He'd stored his StarkPhone in a compartment near his seat. Natasha watched him pull it out and plug himself in. Besides figuring out that Natasha talking to the Hulk, saying "The sun is getting low," and sticking out her hand de-Hulked Bruce faster than anything, after the transformation, he calmed further and recovered quicker by listening to opera.

"Believe it. We've done this over twenty times. And I've not got a scratch," Natasha remarked, flopping into the chair across the aisle from him.

He gave her a doubtful look, bit his lip (damn him), then put the headphones on and vanished into a world of screeching women (no idea why opera worked for him as it set Natasha on edge). He leaned back in the chair as the plane began to gather speed to take off and let out a happy puff of air. She watched him sway back and forth to the beat of whatever he was listening to, wrapped up tight in the softest blanket in the world. She stared at the tartan blanket, wondering where it'd exactly came from. It followed them every time they went off to work on The Lullaby, no matter which StarkJet they used. And Bruce never brought it with him. The only things he brought were his StarkPhone and the headphones.

The Blanket was magical.

(It was likely Potts.)

Natasha stopped staring and leaned back in her own seat, blankly staring ahead. She did this for ten minutes before she pulled her StarkPad out and opened up the reader app.

She was doing a lot of reading lately. She was working her way through various low cost e-books. She tried to read ones written by independent authors, but sometimes she accidentally bought ones that were on sale from the big publishing houses (which was fine, except then the author got like no money, hence why she tried to buy the more popular books in hardback from independent bookstores). While Natasha had been well read due to the nature of her job, she'd never read for fun in her entire life. She'd discovered she really liked (more than she'd care to admit) sappy romances.

Also: young adult fiction (likely due to the fact she'd never been a teenager. It was fascinating to read about teenagers).

She hated anything supernatural, though. There seemed to be an over abundance of that, which annoyed her to no end as most was badly written on top of being supernatural and stupid.

Jess suggested fan fiction, which Natasha hadn't ventured into— mostly because Jess had suggested it. No one should let Jessica Witton make reading lists. Half the things she thought should be read either didn't exist here (because they were fan fiction from her own world) or they were just terrible.

At least she didn't suggest _Twilight_. (Yes, Natasha had read that, due to its popularity it was required by SHEILD.)

(Yes, SHEILD had a reading list it required its agents to read.)

(This was likely why she hated supernatural books.)

Natasha lost herself in a world of young love only to emerge when the plane touched down in New York. Bruce was zonked out, blanket hanging open and exposing the battered t-shirt he had pulled on after the transformation.

"YO!"

Natasha did not jump ten feet into the air at the sound of Stark's voice filling the cabin of the plane.

And since Bruce was dead asleep, there were no witnesses to dispute it.

"We've got a hit on the Glow Stick of Destiny," Stark proclaim. "So, wake Brucie Bear up, him into the helicopter, and force feed him the food in there. We will likely need the Hulk."

"Fine," Natasha sighed.

Stark blew a raspberry.

Natasha gently reached across the aisle and nudged Bruce a few times. He sleepily blinked his eyes open and took the headphones off.

"Here already?" he blearily asked.

"Yeah. And HYDRA is calling," Natasha said, feeling marginally bad for making Bruce go back out there so soon after a transformation.

Bruce sighed deeply. He stood, wrapping himself up in the blanket. "Okay. I hate helicopters."

"There's food," Natasha offered.

He was not adorable.

He was not adorable.

He was not utterly adorable.

"Thank god," Bruce smiled, huddling further into the blanket as he made his way to the door the cabin crew had opened.

Bruce Banner was not adorable.

"You coming?" Bruce asked, looking over his shoulder.

Crap.

"Yeah," Natasha said, grabbing her bag. "I hope this really is the stupid thing and not another dead end."

"Yeah, me too. Kind of getting tired of looking for the dumb glow stick," Bruce muttered, carefully making his way down the stairs and somehow not tripping on the blanket. "Were you told where we are going?"

"Nope. Stark didn't share that with the class."

"Stark called you?"

"He called the plane. Filled it with his annoying voice!" Natasha shouted as the helicopter started up.

Bruce clambered in, somehow not getting tangled up in the blanket, settled in, and began to stuff his face with the food provided. After Hulking out and taking his nap, he was starving. Usually he ate at a slow pace, but since he was in a hurry he channelled Thor.

Since he was busy eating, Natasha put the headphones on him so they could converse or hear the pilot if needed. After putting on her own, she said, "What are we going to do after this?"

"Who knows," Bruce said, pausing in his eating for a second. "I'm sure something earth shattering will arise that will require the Avengers."

Bruce smiled his casual, easy going smile, then went back to eating.

Natasha had had one crush in her entire life.

It'd started on a hellicarrier.

It ended in a helicopter.

By the time the thing landed on the roof of Stark Tower, she admitted to herself she didn't just have a crush on Bruce Banner.

She was head over heels for him.

And she had no idea what to do about it. Yeah, she could flirt, she could seduce, but she'd never in her life _liked-liked_ someone. Glancing at Bruce out of the corner of her eye, she tried to calm her out of control heart as she and he hurried out of the helicopter once it touched down at Stark Tower.

"You're right."

"Huh?" Bruce asked, hair blowing wildly as the helicopter took off behind them.

"You're right!" Natasha shouted as they hurried towards the entrance to Stark Tower. "Likely something else will come up. Wanna bet it's Stark's fault?"

* * *

 _You went back to what you knew / So far removed from all that we went through / And I tread a trouble track / My odds are stacked_

 _-Amy Winehouse, "Back to Black"_

* * *

Later, after Ultron, Natasha wondered about broken hearts. She'd scoffed at the notion in the past, thinking it was some sort of silly thing people had made up to help them sleep at night, but as she stared blankly at a blank wall in the new HQ, her chest ached and she felt empty. Empty she was familiar with, empty was what she'd felt for most of her life until SHEILD freed her. Hell, she was familiar with her chest aching, but there was usually a bullet hole or a large bruise.

There were no bullet holes, no wounds, no visible bruises. But she felt bruised. With each beat of her heart, there was an unknown ache.

She had a broken heart. It was busted.

Just like Steve when Loki had run away to join SHEILD. (No, she was not bitter Coulson had not requested she join.)

(Fine. She was.)

Steve had taken months to bounce back. Hell, he still hadn't totally rebounded. He was still searching for someone who wasn't there. Well, two someones, but only one broke his heart. The other was made Steve sad for a whole other host of reasons.

Did she regret what she'd done?

Natasha really wanted to say no. She did not, but she did. If she hadn't pushed Bruce, hadn't brought the Hulk out against his will, if she had just grabbed his hand and run off with him…but, at the same time, she knew she would have never been able to live with herself if she'd left before the battle was won.

She was looking for redemption, to wipe the red out of her ledger. She wanted to be a hero. She also had a work ethic that required her to finish her mission. It was against her nature to leave something undone.

Maybe that was her problem? Things with Bruce were undone. She'd not seen him since she'd pushed him over the ledge. Seared into her mind was his betrayed expression as he went over the ledge.

After she'd finally kissed him.

Oh god, she'd kissed him. She wanted to do it again, over and over until they died, but he was gone. She'd even upset the Hulk, as it was he who had chosen to leave. He's stolen a jet and crashed it in the ocean.

She cast her eyes to the ground and stared at the spot the wall met the floor. It was seamless and blended together perfectly. She was staring at it when she heard the heavy footsteps that were so familiar to her now she knew who was approaching before he even knew where she was.

Not that he wouldn't know. This was where she came to brood. Everyone knew where to find her these days.

"You gonna stare at that wall all day or you wanna come down and whip these new guys into shape?"

Lifting her eyes back to the wall, she stared at her wobbly reflection in the shiny surface.

"I was just waiting," Natasha began, slowly turning her back to the reflection to face Steve, "for you to stop making eyes at Stark."

Steve rolled his eyes deeply, but didn't reply. He held his arms open. Natasha wasn't a hugger, but since Loki had left Steve, she'd taken to letting him hug her. She'd even hugged him a few times, mostly when he looked like he wanted to die. He was her friend. This, though, was different, as he was offering comfort, not looking for it himself.

Natasha closed the space between them and stepped into his arms. She hid her face in his too large, too hard chest and stood there as he wrapped is too large, too hard arms around her. She sagged a little, not hugging him back, but she knew he understood. She wasn't a hugger.

"I want to say, real bad, that it'll get better. We'll find him, beat him up, and bring him back."

Natasha snorted at the image of Steve beating Bruce up, mostly because if anyone tried, he'd either turn into the Hulk or let the person beat him up because he thought he deserved it. Natasha was mad at him for running away without her, but she didn't want anyone to beat him up. Violence wasn't going to make this better.

Nor was dragging Bruce somewhere he didn't want to be.

"But, he'll come back when he's ready."

Natasha press her lips together.

She'd said the same thing to Steve multiple times. He used to glare at her when she said it and now she knew why.

It did not make her feel better and she did not believe Bruce would come back when he was ready. He'd never be ready. He didn't like being in civilization. He gave it a go and did okay, but Natasha knew deep down he only stayed because Loki had convinced Bruce he could do it, could stay in the world and do what he loved. And for almost three years it had worked.

Till Stark ruined everything with his big ego.

And yes, Natasha knew Bruce had helped, but it was Stark's brain child, it was Stark's logic, and deep down Natasha knew Bruce hadn't agreed and only helped Tony in order to look after the egoistical freak.

That felt good. Being angry at Stark felt good.

"He'll come back when he's ready," Natasha echoed, knowing exactly who Steve was thinking about.

She felt him press his face into her hair, then give her a kiss on the side of the head. He did that sometimes as well, for reasons Natasha had never thought too hard about. She's never seen him kiss anyone else that way, just her. Well, and Loki. He only hugged everyone else when they were down and out.

"I know." Steve pulled back and held her at arm's length, studying her carefully. "They'll both come back when they're ready."

"What will we do?"

"I will likely hug Loki hard enough to break him," Steve admitted, looking a little sheepish.

"No punching?"

Steve shook his head, dropping his hands from her arms and ramming a hand through is hair. She stared at him, dressed in his Captain America duds with his shield on his back, but sans helmet. He looked majestic and strong, yet he also like a little kid. He turned and started down the stairs, heading for the training area.

"While I still don't like it, I understand. JARVIS kept me updated on what Loki was doing, the progress he was making. Being a part of Coulson's team, being underground and against the world…it helped him. It gives him a purpose, but I'm worried."

"Why?"

"Something happened on a mission a few months ago and before JARVIS, well, uh, died. JARVIS didn't know where Loki really was, only he still called to get his weekly updates. Then, the calls stopped and he began to only contact JARVIS via email. JARVIS wasn't able to find him because he was using his MacBook or one of those iLoki products he made. And now…JARVIS is gone and I've got no clue how to contact him. His iPhone isn't working."

Natasha frowned. "He just vanished? And turned his iPhone off? Have you spoken to Jess?"

Steve nodded. "She hasn't been able to get a hold of Loki either. We've called Jim, but he wasn't very helpful."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I have a feeling something big is going on and Jim doesn't feel it's his place to tell me about Loki," Steve admitted, turning and heading down the hall. Natasha followed. "FRIDAY doesn't seem to like me, so she's not very helpful."

"She's not as advanced as JARVIS due to being new, I'm sure she honestly has no feelings towards you," Natasha reminded Steve. "So, what do you think of these new recruits? Think they can be a team?"

Steve made a face and shrugged. "Yeah. They're driven. Well, I'm pretty sure they're all driven except maybe Vision. I've got no idea about him, but he's here and willing to help, so I'll take it."

Steve pushed the door open to the training room and stood there. Natasha watched his shoulders square as he took in the group of flying people before him. (They could all fly, Natasha realized as she watched the Scarlet Witch land and her red energy fade out.)

"Avengers—"

* * *

 _Pick a side, pick a fight / Get your epitaph right / You can sing 'til you drop / Cause the fun just never stops_

 _-Snow Patrol, "Take Back the City"_


	2. Wisdom, Justice, Moderation

**Disclaimer: If you know it, I do not own it.**

* * *

 ** _Wisdom, Justice, Moderation_**

* * *

 _Plant your flower and you grow a pearl / A child is born with a heart of gold / The way of the world makes his heart grow cold_

 _-Earth, Wind, and Fire, "That's The Way of the World"_

* * *

The mess was epic. Sam had expected a little disarray, but the disaster of an apartment he was presented with was not created by Steve Rogers in a rage over the fact his boyfriend had up and left to find some random group of misfits that were trying to reboot a super spy agency. No, this mess wasn't Steve's at all. It belonged to Loki.

No wonder since Loki had run off Steve usually met him on the communal floor. Likely didn't want Sam to see he was living in Loki's misery.

Sam stepped around the precarious piles of books and boxes of shoes in the entry and called out, "Steve?"

"Captain Rogers is in the kitchen, Captain Wilson."

"I'm retired."

"Retired Captain Wilson."

"That just sounds stupid, JARVIS. I'm not a four star general. Just call me Mr Wilson."

"As you've requested, Mr Wilson."

"How the heck did you get him to do that?"

Steve appeared in a doorway near the entry that was issuing a horrible stench. Sam peered around the guy through the wider than average doorway to find a kitchen filled with dirty dishes and gross countertops. He looked back at Steve to find him wearing his usual weekend wear (white t-shirt, dark jeans) and not looking like he had been waging war with his state of the art kitchen.

"Do what?"

"I cannot get him to stop calling me Captain Rogers."

"You're still technically—" Sam began.

"I am Captain America! I am not Captain Rogers!"

Sam decided this was not the battle he'd come to fight, so he changed the subject.

"What's going on in that galley kitchen? And why on Earth do you have a closed off galley kitchen in this joint? You've got enough square footage to make a majority of the normal folks in Manhattan jealous."

Sam took in the apartment further and realized it was laid out as if it wasn't actually in the horribly modern, contemporary, state of the art Stark Tower. It looked like a movie set for a 1940s film, right down to the color scheme. The only thing off were the proportions of the joint, as it was clearly bigger than the average 1940s apartment, either because it was built to house a super soldier and his giant boyfriend or because it was located on a whole floor of a skyscraper.

"It's Stark's idea of a really bad joke. He fashioned it before Loki and I got together, so it's designed for me. Well, who he thought I was. What he thought I'd find familiar and inviting," Steve complained, scowling at the dated wallpaper lining the front hall. "Seriously, I'm not a captain in the Army. The Army has nothing to do with me. When they found out I wasn't dead, I got an honorable discharge. I am not a member of the United States Army."

"Just put up with it, Rogers. Now, the kitchen?"

"Loki left a mess."

"Loki left like a month ago," Sam reminded the big lug. "Can't you smell that? I mean, I can and I'm not you."

"I've become nose numb," Steve proclaimed.

"Steve, this isn't healthy. This place…is so sad. And not because of the horrible, dated decor or that you've not touched anything since your boy left, but because you're living in his pain."

"What?"

"Dude," Sam sighed, running his hands over his face and praying for strength. "Loki is the neatest person known to man. He is super organized, even if to others it might look like chaos. This is not organized."

"How do you know Loki's organized?"

"I've seen the inside of his messenger bag and his laptop screen."

"That's not organized."

"Yeah, it is."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah, it does. This," Sam motioned around the entry and the kitchen, "is not Loki at all."

Steve scowled.

"And you know it. What happened in this kitchen?"

"Loki likes to cook. He…spent a lot of time cooking and never cleaned up after himself."

"And the rest of the joint?" Sam asked, having to exit the entry hall and go somewhere else because the stench from the kitchen was getting to him. He walked into a huge sunken living room, which looked more like Stark's taste, being that it had a wall of super modern windows.

The living room looked like it'd thrown up feathers.

"Honestly. How did you not realize what was coming, man?" Sam asked. "How do you live here?"

"Quietly," Steve said from behind. "And Loki didn't do the feathers. I did. Stark thought it'd be funny to fill the punching bags with feathers and sand."

"And you were working out in the living room?"

"Yeah. Nat chased me out of the gym."

Sam's eye lit on the rig to hang the bag on the ceiling, right in the dead center. Sam shook his head.

"And you've not cleaned this up?"

He began to notice the sand, which he hadn't due to the fact the carpet was sand colored.

"It looks like a beach in here. One that was attacked by a seagull."

"It was last night," Steve admitted. "Seriously, the only mess—"

Sam turned and stalked down the dark hall towards the closed door near the end. He wrenched it opened before Steve could stop him and folded his arms across his chest.

"Don't look at me like that."

"I will look at you like this because you're pathetic."

Steve looked as if he was going to argue, but didn't.

"Let's hear your reason for not picking up your bedroom?"

"It was the last room he was in," Steve quietly admitted while staring at the floor.

Sam sighed, dropping his arms and grabbing Steve by the shoulder.

"I get it, man. I do. Your boy left you and you are a sad sack of play dough. But, seriously, how do you sleep in there?"

"I don't. I sleep in the guest room."

"If Loki does come back tomorrow, he's going to be pissed. Oh, wait. Is that what you're going for?"

"No."

Steve's huge shoulders sagged.

"Then why? Steve, this whole apartment is a shrine to Loki's pain. Except the living room. That kitchen? This room?"

Steve swallowed, slowly drawing his gem eyes off the floor and meeting Sam's plain ones.

"Pain?"

"Oh, man. Loki was miserable after the fall of SHEILD. He was trapped in this apartment and it shows. Think for a second. After Loki usually was in the kitchen, didn't he clean up after himself?"

Steve nodded.

"What does it say to you that he simply kept making dirty dishes?"

"How do you get he was in pain?"

"Mostly because I knew he was in pain before he skedaddled. I could see it. He was itching for a fight, crawling in his own skin. I know it hurts, and I know it sucks, but he had to leave, had to go underground. He could have become a vigilante, I know, but so many others are doing that now."

Steve snorted.

"So, I ask you Steve, will you please help me clean your apartment?"

Steve sighed deeply, rubbing the back of his neck. Sam shook him by the shoulders and Steve finally nodded.

"Since you're nose blind to that kitchen, you go there. Does it have a window that opens?"

"None of Stark's windows open," Steve grumbled, muttering about the modern age of non-opening windows. Sam shook his head and walked into the bedroom, which looked as if Loki had simply given up at life. There were clothes piled everywhere, several high end man bags crumpled on the floor, another half hanging off the door and getting bent out of shape, piles of shoes, and there were books everywhere. Every surface other than the bed had books piled on it. The bed was filled with crumpled sheets and more clothes.

Did Loki take anything with him?

"The clothing is all clean, Mr Wilson. Mr Laufey-Odinson did laundry before he left."

"This is his packing fit?"

"No. He simply dumped clean clothes on the floor after he did laundry each time. He washed everything he wore, dumped it on the floor, and bought new clothing with Mr Stark's credit card. Sir was rather confused on why Mr Laufey-Odinson needed so many articles of clothing when he never went anywhere."

Sam snorted.

"I would advise you not open the closet until you cleared the room. Mr Laufey-Odinson handbags are stored there."

"He has handbags?"

Sam opened the closet.

He should have listen to JARVIS.

"SAM!" Steve shouted, his feet pounding down the hallway. Sam fought his way out of the pile of high end, designer women's handbags and found Steve with his hand over his mouth trying really hard not to laugh.

"I found Loki's women's handbag collection. How many of these things does he need? I mean, he's got enough man bags for a lifetime already."

"I've no idea. Sorry. I should have told you I'd tried to clean and shoved the purses into the closet."

"It's not a walk in."

"No. Stark installed non-walk in closet as to 'not freak me out.'"

"I am freaked out by the amount of money your boy spent on purses. What the hell?"

He yanked out a bright orange crocodile leather thing with lots of bling.

"He claimed they were works of art," Steve tried, picking up a plain, black thing. "Like this one. It's evidently $30,000."

"For a purse? Why did he buy it?"

Steve shrugged. "He'd already started hoarding them when I got out of the hospital and was well enough to come here. They were in the guest bedroom. Mostly in the boxes and dust bags they'd arrived in. He'd order them online, as he couldn't go outside. He got a lot of them off…e-Bay?"

"Yeah. I know it, man. Stark's money?"

"Yes. Loki didn't really have any of his own. He also bought a lot of high heels. Claimed they were an investment."

"What was he investing for?"

"Honestly, no idea. Sam, I knew he was sad. I saw he was itching for a fight, scratching his eyeballs out at the fact he was trapped here, I just thought…"

"He'd take you with him?"

"Yeah. Why do I have to stay? No, don't answer that. I'm Captain America. I can't just go off and vanish off the face of the world unless I put myself on ice."

"Want some chocolate to with that bitterness?"

Steve sagged. "I'll go back to the kitchen."

"Wait, what should we do with these purses?"

"I don't know."

Sam stared at the items around him, checking labels and silently pondering why Stark wasn't broke after Loki's shopping spree.

"JARVIS, can you get a message to Loki?"

"Yes, Mr Wilson."

"Ask him what he wants done with his collection of Hermes, Chanel, Louis, Celine, and Fendi. Seriously. How many of these does he have? There are like a hundred of them."

He held up the odd looking tote bag and wondered why women would carry such a thing. It was heavy as hell.

"I have sent him that message."

"Thanks!" Sam said, glancing at the ceiling before going back to trying to make heads or tails of the pile of handbags. It was a testament to Steve's packing abilities he was able to cram so many into the closet. Granted, if any handbag collectors out there witnessed what Steve had done to these things, they'd like have coronaries. (There had to be handbag collectors if there was one worth thirty-thousand dollars. Sam might not know anything about purses, but he knew about baseball cards and action figures.)

"Mr Wilson, Mr Laufey-Odinson says you may sell them. He has no need for them."

"No kidding. STEVE!"

"What?"

"We gonna open an e-Bay account and make some dough!"

* * *

 _Let you go on your way / Feeling as free as a dove / And if you find you're a long ways from home / And somebody's doing you wrong / Just call on me baby_

 _-Al Green, "Call Me (Come Back Home)_

* * *

"What are we going to do with all this money?"

"Well, I talked to Pepper, who talked to Stark's people. His accountant was a little worried at the rate he was spending his…fun money. So, twenty-five percent of what we make goes to pay back Stark for abusing his credit card. The other seventy-five precent is going into this account Pepper and I set up this morning."

Sam forked over the paperwork for Loki's new charity. Steve read the highlights and glared at the artwork the graphics people had thrown together in five minutes.

"You did this all during your two hour meeting with Pepper this morning?" Steve wondered.

"Yeah. We also didn't bother to tell Loki he founded a charity for victims of alien attacks, enhanced human accidents, or other unexplained things."

Steve mouthed those words.

"The PR people are going to come up with something better."

"But the money…it'll go to the charity which will what for these people?"

"Find them new homes, replace their belongings, pay their medical bills, and other things that happen to those who have the misfortune to be in the way when a super villain attacks."

"Or I happen to bring down HYDRA in the middle of DC."

"Yeah. Replace fallen buildings. Stark already has a charity that does this stuff, who goes in after the Avengers wreck a joint, but Loki can get in on the action. And it makes some good press for him."

"He's not even here."

"Nope. Damn. I should pay myself for all this work I'm doing for him. Cleaning his room, selling his junk…"

"How are you selling his…handbags?" Steve asked, looking up from the papers in his hands. His fingers were moving as if they were itching to do something to the graphic.

Sam gave him a pencil.

"e-Bay. I spent all day yesterday using that lovely living room you spent all night clearing of feathers and sand to photograph all the purses. Pepper suggested we get someone else to take them, but I said it'd make it look like Loki was actually in charge of this whole thing if they were taken in the living room by myself. And, it gives people an inside look into your apartment, which let me tell you, will bring more traffic to the store than anything."

"What?"

Sam shook his head. "Everyone wants to see how you and Loki live. There are people out there that support your relationship, they're just not as loud as those who oppose."

"But, the press only recently stopped stalking me."

"Yeah, because something else happened to get their attention. We're just going to post the purses like a normal person would post them. There is no Twitter, no Facebook, no anything other than the shop on e-Bay. This way, we'll only get people at first who are interested in buying Birkin bags and luggage totes."

"A what?"

"Dude, don't even go there. I had to look up these bags and research them to sell them. Pepper was no help, mostly because she was eyeing most of the bags for herself. I know more about woman's handbags and shoes than I ever wanted. I also plan to sock Loki in the nose. Couldn't he have gotten interested in something manly like cars?"

Steve shrugged. "He likes leather."

"He likes leather," Sam mocking repeated. "Whatever."

"So, we're going with HELP."

"Yup," Sam agreed.

"And that means?"

"Help."

"It doesn't stand for anything? Like, Helping Everyone Love People or something?"

"Nope. It just looks better if we capitalize it all and say it with passion. HELP."

Steve blinked.

"That's what the organization does, Steve. Helps."

Steve looked back down at the paper he'd been drawing on and shrugged. He carefully wrote in the name and studied it carefully before nodding.

"You know people will ask why he chose that, right?"

"And there will be a clever story dreamed up by the PR people," Sam said. "No one knows what Loki would or would not do. Anyway, I've got to get going. I've got all the pictures on my laptop, so I'll post them once Pepper gives me the all clear. JARVIS will tell you what to box up for the mail people to collect. All you gotta do is go into your former guest room and follow the arrows."

"Arrows?"

Sam rolled his eyes and jerked his head for Steve to follow. Sam instructed Steve how to wrap them bags up in tissues paper, put packing material around them so they didn't move during shipping, and where the labels would print out after they sold a bag.

"If it gets to be too much, let JARVIS know and he'll likely have minions of Stark's who can do this."

"We call them interns," JARVIS intoned.

"I don't think a Stark Industries intern ought to be packing handbags and heels," Steve insisted.

* * *

 _When I was younger, so much younger than today / I never needed anybody's help in anyway / But now those days are gone / I'm not so self-assured / Now I find I've changed my mind_

 _-The Beatles, "Help!"_

* * *

"Give me an intern."

"Captain Rogers?"

"There are like a hundred orders to go out," Steve shirked. "I can't get them all out! And where do these handbags keep coming from? Wait, these shoes have been used."

"I will send someone shortly. And those shoes were formerly Ms Pott's. She donated them for the cause, as well as gathered used handbags."

Steve felt dizzy. All he wanted to do was empty his apartment of the purses that stuffed his closets. He hadn't realized he was going to start running a resale shop.

"The money goes to a good cause," JARVIS intoned as if it was something he'd said a millions. "There are several positive stories on the Internet in regards to those HELP has helped."

"Really? All ready?"

"Mr Laufey-Odinson donated a rather large potion of one of his bank accounts the government did not freeze once he got word of what was going on," JARVIS replied. "By the way, he recently returned from a mission. He is well."

"What mission?"

"I am not at liberty to say, but he is reported to be in good spirits nonetheless."

"Thank Jim for me," Steve quietly muttered.

"I will, Captain Rogers."

* * *

 _I don't want to straight-face you / Race or chase you, track or trace you / Or disgrace you or displace you_

 _-Bob Dylan, "All I Really Want To Do"_

* * *

"I was told to see you about a handbag."

Steve startled from where he and his intern were furiously packing shoes to ship out. Today was shoe day, as so far all the orders were for overpriced shoes. Honestly, who would pay five hundred dollars for a pair of used shoes?

HELP had branched out to designer clothing, accessories, and other random designer items people donated. Celebrities were donating stuff left and right in order to get in on the good press Loki's (Sam's) foundation was drumming up. But, today was Shoe Day. Steve had never seen so many shoes. And they all had bright red bottoms.

HELP also had a headquarters now. Granted it was only an empty storage room in the basement of Stark Tower, but still. It was nice to get all the stuff out of is apartment and into something more organized than lying around the guest room. Also, after the whole thing took off, Steve's apartment looked like it'd exploded with bubble wrap, boxes, and paper.

"Did you order one?" Steve asked, furiously looking through the shipping slips next to him. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh, here was a handbag. He hadn't pulled a handbag earlier.

"No," Natasha said, slinking into the room. "I was surprised to see Loki started a charity when he's gone to ground."

"Sam started it. Using the stuff Loki hoarded during his incarceration at Stark Tower."

Natasha nodded as Steve set the pile of packing slips back into the bin. She pulled herself up onto the table next to Steve. Steve went back to wrapping the used shoes up. First they went in a dust bag (if they didn't have one HELP donated one), then wrapped in bubble wrap and put in a HELP shoe box (if the shoes didn't arrive with their own shoe box). After that, more bubble wrap and into a shipping box. Steve taped the box up and slapped the shipping label on it and tossed it over his shoulder. He didn't bother to make sure it made it into the mail cart, as he knew it had as it always did.

Steve had perfect aim.

"How's life?"

"Fine. I have to find this handbag. It wasn't pulled."

Steve stood up and stalked out of the packing area into the storage area where there were shelves upon shelves of items. Natasha trailed after him.

"How's the thing with Bruce going?" Steve asked as he hunted for the black CC purse. The CC ones were never as much as the Hermes bags. Steve couldn't believe how much people paid for those.

Steve looked up when Natasha didn't say anything to find her lightly pink and staring at her fingernails.

"Nat?"

She took the sheet of paper from him, glanced at it, then used him to climb up and get something off the top shelf. She handed him the dust bag with the CC logo. Steve opened it up and found the purse he'd been looking for.

"Thanks. So, things with Bruce?"

"It's fine. We've managed to do the Lullaby all three times we've gone out to try it. Gives me something to focus on."

Steve watched her carefully, fascinated.

"You like him."

"He's a very nice man," Natasha squeezed out through clenched teeth. She turned and marched out of the stacks. Steve hurried after her.

"No! You like _like_ him!"

Natasha glared at him, not stopping till she was into the large open area where the intern and Steve packed everything.

"Are you ten?"

"YES!"

He threw his arms around her and hugged her hard. He rocked her back and forth, laughing.

"You like him! You like him!"

The intern, Naomi, stared at the pair of them with wide eyes before hurrying to pack up the shoes she was working on.

Steve set Natasha down and grinned at her widely. "Wanna help up pack some of this stuff up? We've got a truck loads of stuff to get out."

"I noticed," Natasha remarked, smoothing her hair down and straightening her shirt. "You moved out of your apartment and into a huge, white space."

"It's storage," Steve replied. "Pretty sure Stark lit it to annoy me."

"It is rather blindingly white in here. I'll help you out, mostly because I've got nothing to do."

"Because Bruce is asleep."

"I will leave," Natasha threatened.

"NO!"

Steve and Natasha both turned towards Naomi, who shrunk back when they both looked at her.

"I mean, we need more help. Thank you."

"You won't take another intern will you?"

"The interns go through a rigorous application process and want to be doing things to further their careers. I've already apologized to Naomi and offered to let her leave, but she claims to like doing this."

"I wanted to be an intern at Tory Burch, but my mother insisted I do something more professional," Naomi groused. "Pretty sure she bribed someone to get me this job, so packing up high end junk for charity? Fine by me."

Steve shrugged.

Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Tell me what to do."

* * *

 _How can you just walk away from me / When all I can do is watch you leave / Cause we've shared laughter and then pain and even shared the tears / You're the only one who really knew me at all_

 _-Phil Collins, "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)"_

* * *

The shield flew through the air, cutting down a dozen HYDRA soldiers and embedding itself in a tree with a thud. Steve let out a low sigh and hung his head. How had he missed that tree? Stupid tree.

"You've had better days, Captain," Thor observed, landing next to the man in red, white, and blue with a supposed plan.

Steve lifted his head and smiled tightly at Thor.

"I am most upset it is not here as well," Thor assured, hanging his hammer on his belt. "It is good we have sorted out yet another HYDRA strong hold, though."

"Yeah. You're right. I just wished we'd find that damn scepter."

"I do as well, Captain."

Thor clapped Steve on the back before striding forward to begin to bind the unconscious HYDRA agents. Steve headed to get his shield out of the tree.

"No Code Green?" Bruce asked over the coms, his voice hopeful.

"No. No need. We're done here. Cap?" Natasha asked.

"Done," Steve sighed.

"I hate HYDRA," Clint proclaimed. "They suck. They should totally advertise better where they're keeping the Glow Stick of Destiny."

"I agree. I was busy," Stark complained.

Clint snorted. "Busy doing what? Building another army of Iron Men?"

"Shut up, birdbrain. My army of Iron Men is totally going to bring world peace. Or assure it stays as peaceful as possible."

"Sure. When the cow jumps over the moon."

"Guys. Stark, you got the computers unlocked?" Steve asked.

"Ages ago. I got all the information they didn't fry before I fried them."

"Anything good?"

"No," Stark groused. "Other than this was just a weapon strong hold. They didn't do anything interesting here."

"Interesting?"

"Like keep anything other than good old Earth weapons. Who ever gave Hill this tip is getting fired."

"Fine. Get back to the jet."

Steve wrestled his shield out of the tree, then headed over to help Thor. They worked quietly till all the guys were tied together and waited for Clint to show up with the truck to load them in.

"Have you heard of my brother as of late?" Thor quietly asked.

"Just what JARVIS tells me via Jim Nicholls."

Thor nodded and waited.

"He's fine. Good, actually. I've got no idea what they are doing, but it keeps him busy, which is what he needed. JARVIS reports that Loki's in good spirits and doing well."

"No more details?"

Steve shook is head. "Jim gives JARVIS more detail than Loki does, but Jim respects Loki so he doesn't tell me what the hell they're doing, just that he's working through his issues and is doing well with the others."

"He will come home."

Steve gave Thor a look, but said nothing.

"He's done this before."

"Left his boyfriend behind to go join a secret spy agency that is illegal and currently wanted by the government?"

"No, not exactly. I mean, he's run away before. Several times, actually."

"He has a habit of running away?"

"Loki enjoys having control over himself and fears rejection," Thor quietly explained. "He is scared of other's anger."

"I wasn't angry till he said he was leaving."

"The world was angry at him," Thor pointed out. "They've gotten over it, but whatever he is doing has become important. Once he sees it to completion he will return."

"He always came back?"

"No. When he was a child, the guards found him the first time before he managed to leave the city and the second time I found him. He didn't try again till he was older. None of us knew at the time how he'd managed to get to Midgard, but Heimdall reported he was upon Midgard. Father sent me and my friends to bring him home. He did not come quietly."

"And after that? Did he return on his own?"

"Yes. After that time, he began to hide himself from Heimdall. Father likely knew how he was doing so, but he'd vanish for periods of time after a conflict and return later brimming with stories of his travels. It got to the point he was simply always away and not running away."

"Loki doesn't like conflict?"

"He doesn't like when people do not like him. He fears not being loved. While I do not fully believe the reason he left you was because he feared you'd hate him for putting you in the position he did, I am sure that is part of why he left."

Steve stared at the ground.

"The other part is because everything was taken away from him," Thor went on. "His home, your home, his security."

"Everyone knew his face," Steve quietly remembered.

"And they hated him," Thor gently said. "Father always said Loki was a little too thin skinned to be a proper king, but he'd make a wonderful advisor."

Steve gave Thor a lopsided smile. "Yeah."

"He will return," Thor assured, clapping a large hand on Steve's shoulder.

"I know. When he's ready, he'll come back. I just wish he'd do it sooner rather than later."

"I do as well, Captain."

* * *

 _In reality, I'm wide awake / I think about things that I can do tomorrow but I'm trapped / Because it's so dark outside and everybody else is fast asleep_

 _-Kate Nash, "3 AM"_

* * *

"We sold the last handbag."

Steve stared at the empty shelves.

"This place was full when I left," Steve whispered.

"I know," Naomi moaned. "I know. Since you were gone, Potts sent down an army of interns. They were way more efficient than just the two of us. We stopped getting stuff in and Sam closed the shop down last night after the last thing sold. Now, the official website is only taking donations of cash, no longer stuff. It's over."

Naomi collapsed dramatically on the floor and played dead.

"Oh."

Naomi sat up and looked at Steve pleadingly.

"Please don't send me back upstairs. Can I do something for you? I don't care. Answering fan mail? Shining the shield? I'll buff your boots."

"Someone already answers my fan mail for me," Steve said, feeling helpless and aimless. "And I don't, well, I like buffing my own boots, not that they need it. Or the shield. Sorry."

Naomi sighed, flopping back on the floor.

"You want to be a personal assistant?" Steve guessed.

"No. I want to be a stylist."

Steve looked down at himself. "I don't really need a stylist."

"Yeah you do, but I get it."

"I do?"

"Well, I mean, you don't do a lot of events, but when you do you always look like you forgot what century you're in, which is understandable since you're from a different century."

"Okay."

"I don't mean to be mean," Naomi assured, sitting back up. "I just…well, I don't know. I mean, you don't actually go out. And you're so good looking, it doesn't really matter."

"Are you sure?"

"Fine. It does matter. Can I look at your closet?"

Steve blinked several times before he decided to let the girl loose in his closet. Stark Industries vetted their interns, so he figured she wasn't going to steal his underwear and sell it online.

Well, she might. (She didn't.)

Naomi spent an hour pouring over his lack of options, then told him what he ought to buy, and finally agreed to buy it for him. He sent her out the next day with a credit card he'd gotten from Pepper after he'd explained what he was doing and why. Naomi spent the entire morning and part of the afternoon out, but returned with exactly what she said she was going to get and nothing else. After putting on a fashion show for her and changing into one of his new shirts, he took Naomi to Bruce's apartment to make over his wardrobe. Bruce wasn't there, but he told Steve to make themselves at home and he'd be down if they needed him. Naomi spent a half hour pouring over Bruce's lack of choices ("He only has two button downs and they are both purple!") and spent the next day outfitting Bruce so he didn't look like a "fashion disaster college student."

"I hear you got Bruce new clothes," Natasha said the next afternoon when she dropped by Steve's apartment. Steve was having another go at painting, mixing together his left over Asgardian supplies with stuff he'd gotten at a local art shop in Midtown.

"Figured you'd appreciate it."

"What'd you do with your intern now that she's dressed you two?"

"Let her give me a hair cut."

"You did?"

"Yeah. She said it was getting too long. She did cosmetology in high school, but her mom didn't think that was…good enough for her daughter and made her go to college to be an engineer." Steve made a face, Natasha quirked an eyebrow. "I told her she could redesign my suit. That's what she's doing right now. She's in the supply room working."

Natasha stared at him and snickered.

"Yours, too."

"What?!"

Steve pulled the mockup Naomi had cooked up that morning for Natasha out of his art kit, extending it towards her. Natasha took it and stared.

"Why the hell would I want blue lights on my suit? I couldn't sneak up on anyone."

Steve shrugged, turning back to his painting. He loved the way the green color danced in the sunlight. Maybe he could ask Thor to get him some more paints and oils the next time he went back to Asgard?

Natasha was silent for a solid minute before she asked, "What is it about this girl?"

Steve glanced over at Natasha. "She's got a dream. No one believes in her. Her mother wants her to be an engineer, but her talent is not there. This, this is her passion. Who better to believe in her than Captain America?"

Natasha blankly stared for a moment before a warm smile broke across her face.

"You are the sweetest human being alive. How are you real?"

"Dunno. Just doing what's right."

"Sure. Fine. She going to sew it herself?"

"That I do not know. I know she knows how to make clothes, but I doubt she's really got time to sew you a new suit."

"I could give her an old one."

"How about we talk to the— wait. The old person was SHEILD, weren't they?"

"Yeah. We'll have to ask Stark."

* * *

 _There goes my hero / Watch him as he goes / There goes my hero / He's ordinary_

 _\- Foo Fighters, "My Hero"_

* * *

"You got me a professional sewing machine?"

"Yeah. And then this one here. It makes handbags. Here's a pile of leather for you to learn. Oh, and I got a leather worker coming in twice a week to give you lessons, since you said you could sew cloth but not leather."

Naomi stared at Steve before bursting into tears.

"Those are happy tears," Natasha whispered before Steve let out his breath he'd been holding when the girl had started bawling.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Naomi threw her arms around Steve, hugging him quickly before she scampered off to check out the piles of fabric and leather Steve and Natasha picked out the previous afternoon.

"Who wanted glowing lights?" Stark asked, stomping into the overly white former storage room/mail room/now Naomi's sewing room. "What the hell is wrong with this room?"

"You designed it," Natasha snarked.

"What? Oh, yeah. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Sure, Stark. What do you want?" Steve asked.

"I got those blue glowing light things you wanted. You know, to be put on clothes."

"Thanks!" Naomi said, wiping her face on her arm. "I can attach these to Widow's suit."

She skipped over to Tony, took what he was holding, and hurried over to the sewing machine. She grabbed up the suit Natasha had given up for the cause. Tony gaped.

"When did we hire a sewer?"

"You did, and at the start of the summer," Natasha replied. "She's the intern Pepper gave Steve when he was mailing out handbags and shoes."

"Huh."

"She doesn't want to be anything Stark Industries can offer, so Steve's letting her be his fashion consultant and by extension the Avengers."

"She is not designing anything for Iron Man."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Naomi muttered, pins in her mouth.

"She's not touching you or Thor. Thor mostly because his armor just magically appears."

Tony scowled and stomped out without a further word.

"I can't wait till Clint sees the outfit," Natasha grinned. "Can't have him wearing that SHIELD crap now that SHIELD is pretending to be dead."

* * *

 _It's my twisted way of keeping you close / I'm a nervous wreck, I'm a broken man_ / _Did you get my message? Did it send?_

 _-Maroon 5, "Runaway"_

* * *

"Do you miss him?"

"Miss who?" Steve asked, staring the drawing he was working on while Naomi worked on Hawkeye's new duds.

It was not lost on Steve that he'd befriended a twenty-year-old co-ed and she was practically his best friend these days since Sam was off Bucky Searching and Natasha was working with Bruce (or claiming she was working. Steve had a feeling they were mostly sitting around watching old movies more often then not).

"Loki. I know you're lonely. That's why you hang out with me when I'm here."

Naomi had gone back to college a few weeks ago, but was resolute on finishing up the uniforms for the Avengers and Steve insisted she continue her lessons on fashion and design so she still spent quite a bit of time at Stark Tower.

And yes, Steve was pretty much putting her through fashion school while her mother paid a pretty penny for her daughter to attend Columbia and major in engineering. (Which Naomi was dismal at and it wasn't because she was stupid.) Naomi promised when she made her first million she'd pay Steve back for putting her through private fashion school.

Steve knew he didn't need to be paid back. The fact she put up with him was enough for him.

"Steve, I miss my boyfriend like whoa and I talk to him on the phone every night and text him during the day," Naomi went on. "Your boyfriend collected lots of designer handbags in a fit of…something, then vamoosed."

"He…is fighting HYDRA."

"Aren't you? You go out and fight HYDRA a lot. At least I hope that's what you all are doing when you leave in that fancy jet."

"Yeah. But, it wasn't…I'm too high profile and he needed to sort somethings out."

"Because he's nuts? No! Sorry, I didn't meant that meanly. I just mean…because he's…"

"He has issues," Steve allowed, turning back to the drawing of Naomi at her sewing machine. Stark had fixed the lights in the room now that it was being used for ART. The new lighting was almost as good as natural light. "His therapist was actually HYDRA, so it kind of explained why he was making progress but not at the same time. He was…angry. And then the world turned on him, the government took everything he owned, and he was pretty much a prisoner in this tower as they'd've arrested him if he walked out."

"How'd he escape?"

"He stole one of Stark's cars and no one blinked an eye, since they thought he was Stark."

Naomi made a face. She went back to working on the coat.

"I miss him every day," Steve quietly admitted.

"You love him like whoa," Naomi remarked. "I mean, I saw it in the footage they found of the pair of you before this…mess. And I've seen it in person now. You think he's really going to come back?"

"Yeah. Like everyone says: when he's ready."

"You don't believe that."

Steve cringed. "Yeah, well, I gotta tell myself he'll come back. I don't really have time to go on a missing person's search for two people."

"What?"

"Forget you heard that."

Naomi frowned, but nodded.

The noise of the sewing machine filled the half empty space. Steve tossed aside the drawing and blankly stared at his attempt to understand abstract art. Since Loki had left, he found he like throwing paint at a canvas, building a simple frame, and sticking it on the walls in place of the old pokey art Stark had put on the walls. Or Stark's designer had put on the walls after Stark approved it.

"Why did he buy all those Birkin bags?"

"I've got no idea. He was angry and decided to burn a huge hole in Stark's bank account."

"Stark didn't do anything to him."

"I know," Steve sighed. "I try not to find logic in some of the more bizarre ways Loki deals. Jess, his best friend, said that it was likely because he felt helpless and it was something he could do. And upon having a wealth invested in…Birkins?"

Naomi nodded.

"I guess Jess told him if he was going to buy a handbag that would retain value, buy a Birkin bag. So, he bought a few."

"He bought over fifty that I saw," Naomi muttered. "And before I got here, there were fifty others that sold."

"Yeah. He kind of went nuts."

Naomi snorted. "Where's your other friend? The one that started the charity?"

"Washington. He's got a life there."

"Why didn't you stay there?"

"Loki was here."

"Why didn't you go back when Loki left?"

"Because there was nothing there after Loki left. Our apartment wasn't ours and was also riddled with bullet holes."

"And the government took your home here," Naomi sighed. "So, you're homeless."

"Stark has an apartment for me."

"But, it's not yours."

"Yeah. I know."

Naomi sighed, frowned, then went back to sewing. Steve went back to staring at his abstract art.

Abstract art made him feel better, but he still didn't understand it. It looked like a toddler had gotten a hold of some paint and slopped it about. He wasn't a toddler.

He kind of wished he were sometimes, though. Toddler's had no responsibility other than to live their lives, learn, and grow.

"Done."

Steve jerked, feeling a lump of dread in his stomach at her words.

"I hope this fits him, since he's MIA all the time," Naomi grumbled. "What's next? I should make something for Loki!"

She leapt up and skipped across the room and came to rest— if you could call jumping up and down coming to rest— next to Steve. She clapped her hands.

"After he's come back, he'll be an Avenger, right?"

"I don't know…why?"

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, Miss Webster?"

"What are Loki's measurements? Send them to my tablet."

Naomi hopped back across the room. Steve felt the lump vanish and be replaced by an itch in his fingers. After glancing at the painting, he grabbed a pencil and his sketchbook and started sketching Naomi in her element: designing a new outfit.

* * *

 _They seek him here, they seek him there / His clothes are loud, but never square / It'll make or break him so he's got to buy the best_

 _-The Kinks, "Dedicated Follower of Fashion"_

* * *

"Looks good. I cannot believe you let me design that for you. Total honor."

"Well, SHEILD always designed them for me and I just wore them because they were there. I like this."

"Coulson," Natasha coughed next to Steve while she adjusted her own sleeves on her new suit.

"Thanks! Who's…" Naomi fell silent as Clint walked out, itching his head and looking a little confused to find a stranger standing on the flight deck. "Ohmygod."

"Uh, hi?"

"YOU LOOK AWESOME! Ohmygod. I'm going to go cry now in joy. Don't mind me."

Naomi took a shuddering breath and fled while Clint looked utterly baffled.

"Who the hell was that?"

"Our costume designer," Natasha muttered. "I do not know how I feel about these blue lights."

"Just try them out. Is Bruce already in?" Steve asked, flexing his arms back and forth and enjoying the airflow he suddenly felt around his stomach. He had no idea what Naomi had put in the stomach area to get him airflow, but he might kiss her when they got back.

"Yes. And listening to his opera," Natasha said, flicking the lights off and on and looking annoyed and a little impressed. "This was really bad timing."

"I know. Sorry. I don't control the information being dumped on us," Steve apologized. "Thor's going to meet us there. He's in London."

"Let's get inside," Tony urged, striding forward wearing a t-shirt and jeans. "Did I just pass a sobbing co-ed? Did you break up with her?"

"No. She saw Barton," Natasha snickered.

"Yeah. I cry each time I see Barton, too."

"Shut up, Stark. Do I look weird? I feel weird. It's the coat. It's too long. Why am I even wearing a coat?"

"It's cold," Natasha reminded him. "She made you a sleek coat that I bet anything will not hinder your movement."

Natasha did a series of stretches that made Steve hurt just watching her.

"She made this?" Clint asked, eyeing the coat closely. "I thought Stark just had new costumes made for us all. Hence your flashy lights."

"Nope. It was Naomi Webster, engineering student at Columbia."

Clint looked utterly mystified, but shook his head. "Let's blow this popsicle stand and get us a Glow Stick of Destiny."

"Let's hope it's actually there this time," Steve muttered, heading into the Quinjet.

* * *

 _It's okay to be angry and never let go / It only gets harder the more you know / When you get lonely if no one's around / You know I'll catch you when you're falling down_

 _-Yellowcard, "Empty Apartment"_

* * *

It was there.

They took it.

Then all hell broke loose.

After it was all said and done, Steve stood in his new place of residence. He already liked it better than his last one. And not because it strongly looked like the home he'd shared with Loki.

"Did I get it right?" Stark quietly asked.

Stark had been rather subdue and quiet since the whole Ultron disaster. He hadn't done something like destroy all his Iron Man suits like he had before, but Steve understood that was more symbolic for being over his issues with the Battle of Malibu (not for Pepper, poor woman was a saint for putting up with Stark). No, this time he went into hiding in northern New York then sprung a new headquarters out of nowhere.

Well, not nowhere. The building had been long forgotten Stark Industries warehouse. Tony simply paid a butt load of people to convert it into a livable and workable headquarters for the Avengers. Because for some reason they needed a headquarters now.

"Well, if you're trying to recreate the home I had with Loki, yeah. You're almost there."

"It's got all your stuff."

Steve jerked, realizing Stark was right. There was the couch, that stupid chair that took Loki three hours to pick out the fabric for, the mismatched table and chairs Steve had in his Brooklyn apartment that Loki and he had painted white one afternoon, his bookshelves that Loki had wallpapered for some unknown reason while Steve had been away on a mission, and their various nicknacks.

It was their stuff, this was their home transported to upstate New York.

"My lawyers are still fighting with the government to get them to release the apartment in Manhattan," Stark muttered, picking things up at random and setting them down. "And likely will be till Loki gets his name cleared, which will not happen till we get a new government."

"Stark, shut up."

"Okay."

"This is great."

"Yeah, well, Pepper didn't think this was the best idea, but Loki is home and this is Loki. Naomi agreed with me when I swung the idea passed her. She's still going to be your costumer, by the way. And her private lessons in fashion will continue, don't worry. I know talent when I see it. Even if it's not my area."

"But, I thought you were all about style," Steve joked.

"I am. But, hers is better," Stark grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Where do you find these people?"

"I don't find them. They find me."

"Sure. I'm going to go see Thor off then head back to the city."

"I'll go with you," Steve said, turning and heading towards the hallway. The elevator didn't even open up into the penthouse, which Steve liked quite a bit. Stark went out and Steve locked the door behind him even though he technically didn't need to lock it as only Natasha and Steve had clearance to be on the floor. Also, Steve had no illusions there was a lock created that could keep a determined Natasha out.

"So, we good?"

"Were we bad?"

"You tried to beat me up."

"When you were going to put JARVIS in another robot body. One Ultron built."

"If you had stopped a moment for me to explain," Stark started.

"We're going to agree to disagree, Stark."

"I'm Stark again?"

Steve did not comment. Stark sighed.

"I know JARVIS was giving you Loki updates. I'm trying to get FRIDAY to do the same, but she can't find his phone. Mostly because it's an iLoki. And he stopped calling so she can't even begin to get familiar with him."

"Okay. That's fine. I'll be busy here," Steve insisted.

Stark gave him a look. "I'll send you a message once I figure out where Loki is."

"Okay."

"And your other missing person."

Steve froze.

"I'm not an idiot."

"You're not?"

"I know you've been looking for him. I wish you wouldn't, but I get it. Okay? I get it."

"Do you?"

"If Rhodey was suddenly a brain washed Russian-slash-HYDRA assassin, I'd get him back."

"Okay."

"Well, I'm going to shut up now."

"Is that even possible?"

"No, but I'll try."

* * *

 _You will find peace of mind / If you look way down in your heart and soul / Don't hesitate 'cause the world seems cold_

 _-Earth, Wind, and Fire, "That's The Way of the World"_


	3. Our Liberties We Prize and Our Rights

_A/N: Welcome to Loki's Agents of SHIELD adventure! This two part installment covers the Agents of SHEILD episodes from when Loki joins before season two starts and ends after the Inhuman uprising. I know a lot (A LOT) is going on in Agents of SHEILD, so I chose to focus on the whole Inhuman thing for reasons._

 **Disclaimer: If you know it, I do not own it.**

* * *

 ** _Our Liberties We Prize and Our Rights We Maintain (Part I)_**

* * *

 _What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground / Do you pick up the pieces all around_

 _-Lifehouse, "Chapter One"_

* * *

"I don't like this at all."

"I know."

"I have to train Skye, I don't have time to deal with Loki as well."

"So, I shouldn't ask you to train Agent Nicholls as well?"

May scowled deeply. "I wouldn't train him if my life depended on it."

"Don't say that. He's got potential."

"Both he and Loki are mentally unstable."

"Loki's got a new therapist," Phil assured. "One who is not HYDRA."

May continued to scowl. "I'm only training Skye."

Phil sighed deeply. "I need all of them trained."

"Director Coulson, I am trained."

Phil rolled his eyes skyward and didn't bother to try to figure out how Loki had managed to get into his office without either May or himself noticing.

"I spent over a thousand years training to be a warrior," Loki went on, letting himself down from where he'd hidden himself in the rafters.

Stupid old building.

"And since I've been mortal, I've trained with the Black Widow to learn my limits," Loki offered, coming to rest next to May, who shot bullets at him with her eyes. He smirked. "I shall train Agent Nicholls, though I am unsure why you think he's mentally unstable. He's the sanest person here."

May continued trying to kill Loki with her eyes. Loki gave up on getting a verbal answer and turned his attention to Phil.

"Director, you know that Agent Nicholls is a trained solider."

"From World War I," Phil reminded Loki.

"He is excellent with a sword," Loki proclaimed, lifting his chin. "He took fencing during his formative years, and as an officer in the British Army, he was drilled with the sword for battle. I suggest we use this skill to train him for combat in today's world."

"How?"

"Give him a sword," Loki replied. "I'm sure some of your scientist can make him a fancy one. Or I'll ask Stark."

May scowled deeper if possible.

"Do you have a sword to train with?" Phil inquired. "I know you came outfitted with your own daggers, but did you bring a sword? I don't think we've got one lying around."

"You didn't. I made one."

"You made one?" May doubtfully inquired.

"Out of wood. Practice sword. I doubt he's up to parr," Loki scoffed. "I'll leave it to you to find him a real one. I can also instruct him how to shoot a gun. He has the basics, as he was issued a gun."

"A musket?" May asked.

"A rifle. It was the British calvary officer's primary weapon, the sword was secondary," Loki reported. "No, I meant you've given him a handgun. He must be able to shoot it."

"He can't shoot a rifle," May snapped.

"His aim isn't perfect," Loki corrected. "Not surprising as he wasn't trained as a sniper. He had a pistol, if memory serves me correctly. Hence why he was cleared for the handgun, correct."

"He can't shoot a gun," May repeated.

"He can shoot a gun," Loki insisted. "He's just not as skilled as you."

May narrowed her eyes.

"Okay, you two. Calm down. Agent Nicholls is able to shoot a gun, Agent May. He just doesn't always hit his targets. Can you improve on that as well as the sword play?"

"Yes," Loki answered before grinning wildly and exiting stage right.

"You're going to regret this," May warned before she followed.

Phil sat down, rubbing his temples.

Two hours later, he stared as Loki and Jim put on a show for those gathered. Loki hadn't been joking when he said Nicholls could use a sword.

"Don't give him a sharp object," May urged while watching the two men battle it out in the gym with wooden swords. (Where Loki had gotten the wood was a mystery, but one Phil didn't really care about. He had a lot of other things to worry about than Loki going out and killing a tree to make a sword. Or taking apart some table.)

"I'm not going to let him sleep with it under his bed," Phil assured. "It'll go in his locker. Just like the gun he was issued."

May glared at him. "I can't believe you issued him a gun."

"He's not dangerous."

"He's mentally unstable."

"He knows to come to us when he feels the urge to draw," Phil said quietly as the gathered crowd cheered as Jim got the upper hand and pinned Loki to the ground. "He'll be fine. What would you do if it was me?"

May glanced at him out of the side of her eye, but said nothing.

* * *

 _Take me back to the town where I was born / 'Cause I'm tried of being a stranger and I'm miles from home_

 _-Noel Gallagher, "While The Song Remains the Same"_

* * *

Loki had run away before. He'd been ten and Thor had gotten him in trouble for a prank against their governess. Looking back, Loki accepted Thor likely hadn't meant to get him in trouble, but in his excitement about the success of their first big prank together, he'd let it slip Loki was behind the reason the woman had run screaming from the nursery and refused to enter again.

Loki had never witness the wrath of Odin until that night and he did not like it.

So, he ran away.

He did not go far, as at age ten he'd never left the palace, so once he was out, he had no idea where to go.

The guards found him, and he was yelled at once more.

The next time he ran away, he was thirteen. This time he made it to the forest before Thor found him and brought him home. No one other than Thor shouted at him and by thirteen years, Loki was immune to Thor's shouting as he did it so often.

He didn't bother to run off again until he was 200. By that time he had learned to use the doorways on the World Tree and found himself on another planet, merrily living out a days of his life in anonymity and learning things he'd never learn on Asgard before Thor and his merry band of idiots found him and dragged him home.

The last time he'd run away it was because everything had gone wrong. All his plans, his schemes, and dreams died. Though, it wasn't really running away as much as trying to kill himself, but, eh, details.

This time, well, this time he ran away (in an expensive car he stole from Stark) and no one was going to come after him. He'd made sure of that.

He was starting to wonder what he'd gotten himself into as he and his current teammates were under fire while they were trying to get the obelisk back from an enhanced human HYDRA cohort.

"Don't touch that!" Loki screamed as Agent Hartley reached towards the obelisk that had fallen out of the case and skittered towards to her. He recognized the thing fir what it truly was, but it was too late.

She touched it.

Loki's eyes widened. Agent Hartley slowly turned to something that looked like stone then crumbled before his eyes.

Loki stopped breathing, mind whirling.

"LOKI!"

Pain. Oh, god, so much pain. Being human was a harrowing, horrible thing while wounded.

Oh, no. Someone had yelled his real name, not his fake one. And the government was here.

Eh, he was going to die. The world was blacking out. Loki should say something dramatic as he met his demise, but nothing came out before the whole world went black.

Only, he didn't die. He opened his eyes and found himself on the floor of the Quinjet SHEILD had stolen from the US government (something Loki could get behind). Skye and James hovered over him.

"What happened?" Skye demanded. "Jim pulled you out, but we lost contact with Hunter. And I think everyone else…"

"Is dead," Loki spat. "We were ambushed by Creel."

Skye opted to wear a put out expression and sat back on her heels.

"We were unable to recover the bodies," James quietly relayed. "The government swooped in. We're pretty sure they got Mr Hunter."

"In the case of Agent Hartley, there is no body," Loki explained, trying to sit up.

The world spun.

"You've got a huge lump on the back of your head. One of the henchmen got you good," Skye said, extending an ice pack towards Loki.

Grudgingly, he took it and put it over the huge lump on the back of his head. Creel, who was an amped up super humans who could vanish or something, was the nail under SHEILD's skin at the moment and now he had the weapon they'd been trying to keep away from HYDRA.

A weapon of mass destruction: a Kree Diviner. Loki had seen those before. During one of the times he'd run away from Asgard, only it'd looked a different. This one wasn't glowing yellow.

"Creel got it, didn't he?" Skye sighed, falling into one of the jump seats.

"Correct. It is more dangerous than originally thought."

"It is?" James worriedly asked.

"I'd yet to see it up close other than in old, grainy, falling apart photos, so I was unaware what it truly is," Loki said, scowling. "It's Kree."

"Kree?" Skye repeated. "What's Kree?"

"Another sentient race of beings," Loki answered. "Where are we heading?"

"Back to base," James replied.

"What does it do?" Skye wanted to know.

"It is meant to bring out…" Loki trailed off as his sluggish mind tried to think of how to explain history he wasn't clear on to begin with to two humans who knew nothing about it to begin with. "The Kree are a race who engaged in a very long war that went on for eons upon eons. Around the time the All-Father won the war against the Frost Giants here on Earth, a group returned to this planet to cull humans to be their warriors after the Frost Giants were defeated."

Skye made a face while James blanched.

"When did that happen again?"

"1050 years ago."

"Really?"

"Yes. That is how old I am, that was when the war between the Frost Giants and Asgard ended. They were here for at least two hundred years, as I stumbled upon Midgard when I ran away."

"You make it a habit to run away?" Skye muttered at the same time James asked, "You were born 1050 years ago?"

"Yes."

"Brilliant," James muttered looking as if his head might explode. "What did the Kree do to the humans?"

"They did experiments, played with genetics, and untimely failed. And they did this multiple times throughout the history of mankind. The experiments were not condoned by the larger Kree population ever and upon finding out what was happening each time it was attempted, another faction swooped down and ended the experiments. The victims were…"

"Exterminated?" Skye offered darkly.

"Mostly. However, there were rumors a few survived. There are always are, aren't there in genetic trials?" Loki asked, pressing his lips together and closing his eyes.

"Did the All-Father intervene?" James inquired.

"No. While he proclaimed to be the protector of all Nine Realms, he never once returned to Earth after he'd chased the Frost Giants back to their world of darkness and ice."

"And you visited two hundred years after the war ended?"

Loki opened his eye and looked at James. "Yes, it was my first jaunt through the passages ways between Realms. Once I discovered the passages ways between the Realms, I was almost never on Asgard, thus I stopped running away."

Skye stuck out her tongue at him.

"I happened across the Kree during my first trip here. I didn't understand at the time what they were doing," Loki admitted. "I also didn't care. You must understand, I was young and arrogant. Mortals were like flies, especially during your Middle Ages."

Skye stared at Loki with an unfathomable look while James nodded his agreement.

"What do Kree look like?"

Loki shrugged. "I don't know. They are shape shifters. When I knew them, they looked human, only they were much stronger, such as myself."

"So, HYDRA had this Diviner and some alien remains during the war," Skye said, looking ill. "Do you think the remains were Kree?"

"It might be likely, but we'll never know. I believed all the Kree to have left upon being discovered, but it is not unthinkable that a few remained and continued their experiments."

"Like our Asgardian friend," Skye snickered. "Other than not experimenting, well, unless you count the drugs, women, and alcohol."

Loki rolled his eyes.

"Okay, how come you didn't know what we were dealing with before today? You spent hours pouring over the pictures from the old files."

"The photos were not the clearest, due to the technology of the time. I called Agent Carter after reading the file to see if she could remember anything about the items that were not clear in the photos. In the photos it looked like, well, just an obelisk. I did not know the color, besides silver. It lacked the details I needed to realize what it really was. Each time I saw the thing it was glowing yellow because it was active," Loki explained. "Agent Carter said no one ever touched the thing, they sealed it up and stored it. She remembered in a lot more detail the alien body, mostly because it was only the top half— James, are you all right?"

"Only the top half?" the other man whispered, blue eyes impossibly wide in his pale face.

"Correct."

James fell backwards from his crouch on the floor next to Loki, landing in an ungraceful heap and cracking his head on the metal seat behind him. Skye scrambled up and over Loki.

"You okay? You're not bleeding," Skye said, checking the back of James' head. "What is with you two?"

James rubbed the back of his head.

"It's like one of you gets hurt, the other has to out do him," Skye grumbled, backing away.

"We're not in competition," Loki grumbled. "James?"

"The alien Director Coulson and I found. It was only the top half," James said, looking at Loki with wide, scared eyes. "He was blue, but different than the blue you were, so we knew he wasn't a Frost Giant. He was blue, but looked quite human yet alien at the same time."

"So, he was Kree?" Skye asked. "He was found with the Diviner, right?"

Loki slowly nodded. "At the last base Agent Carter and the Howling Commandos raided after V-E Day."

"What does the Diviner do, Loki? What does it do besides turn people to dust?" Skye demanded, realizing the extent of the trouble they were all in. "That alien's blood was used to create the serum that makes it possible for the three of us to be here. What does the other thing do? What does the Diviner do!?"

"The Kree altered human genetics, trying to bring out…the supernatural, the things humans ought to never do yet it was written in their genetics they might be able one day."

Loki felt massively confused. He wished there was something to study in regards to what the three of them had been injected with moments before death (or in James' case after death) that made any sense and wasn't simply mumbo jumbo.

"I do not understand how Fury was able to create the…serum he was able to," Loki groused. "The Kree…they are shape shifters, yes, but they do not have super healing or the means to cheat death."

"How would them playing with our genetics….bring out supernatural? Are they the reason…is what they did to the humans in the Middle Ages make the whole super human thing possible?" Skye asked.

"Could be," Triplett said, appearing out of nowhere. He smirked when the trio jumped at the sound of his voice. "Autopilot. Heard Jim crack his head. Don't need another one of you with a concussion."

"I am fine," James insisted.

"So, this obelisk—"

"Diviner."

"Diviner, okay, what does it do?" Triplett asked, taking a seat near where James was sitting on the floor.

"Yeah," Skye said, turning to Loki. "What does it do? I don't need a history lesson on the Kree, what does their Diviner do?"

"It contains Terrigen crystals."

Three blanks looks met this statement.

"A little more, bro."

Loki pressed his lips together, wondering how to explain it to humans who'd never studied genetics.

"Simple terms, Lokes," Triplett said, leaning back. "We don't need to know how or why you know what you do at the moment, just give it to us simple."

"Terrigen crystals produce a mutagentic substance. This substance, when exposed to regular humans, ones who aren't related to those who were altered by the Kree, petrify and die. Those who are descended from those altered, those who had things in their genetic code…altered…they experience something called Terrigensis. They mutate."

Skye made a face.

Triplett nodded. "They gain powers. Interesting. No wonder HYDRA was into this thing. The Tesseract, this Diviner…all sorts of occult stuff going on with those dudes."

"So, what? These people who don't die turn into X-Men?" Skye asked.

"Pardon?" Loki asked. "I feel as if I should know what that is."

"Mutants," James breathed. "She means the humans who are…who are altered by the Kree…mutate. _X-Men_ is about mutants who have super powers."

"Ah, yes. I remember those movies now," Loki said, nodding and making his head hurt and his vision blur.

"Don't move your head, Lokes," Triplett scolded. "When did they make the comics into movies? Where was I for that?"

"Only movies on bizzaro Earth," Skye said. "Their mutations were started by the dawn of the nuclear age, not some alien race playing around with genetic code for the good of their own race, right? Or am I remembering it wrong?"

"Been a long time since I read the comics. We're gonna land soon. Get strapped in so all three of you don't have matching bumps. Best leave the matching set to the twins."

"We are not twins!" James complained and Loki snapped.

* * *

 _Don't think it's what you're afraid of / Come in, you know what's been made up / Hold you tight, words have a new sound / Reading the signs that just seep out_

 _-Bombay Bicycle Club, "Leave It"_

* * *

Leo Fitz didn't know what to think about Loki. At first he figured it was due to his brain injury, but as the days went by and Loki continued to act like there was nothing wrong with him, Leo began to wonder if there was something wrong with Loki. Well, more than usual.

"Leopold, would you please try this? I'm experimenting with different nut types in my pesto," Loki said, setting down an ornately plated sandwich.

Leo blinked at it several times, peaking at Loki a little wearily. Loki grabbed up a StarkPad and began to use it to do something as he sat down across the table from Leo. Leo stared at the plate, looking at it from all angles.

"He's trying to help," Jemma said from over his shoulder. She leaned around and eyed the sandwich. "I doubt that's as good as the ones I make you, but you should try it. I heard he's a great cook. A little experimental, but everything tastes wonderful."

"You sure?" Leo asked.

"Yes," Loki and Jemma said in unison.

Leo jolted.

"Look at this," Loki ordered, handing Leo the StarkPad he'd been working on as well as pushing the plate closer.

"Oh!" Jemma exclaimed. "He did it. He made the cloak—oh, wait. No, he didn't."

"Yeah, it's missing—"

"Correct," Loki said. "I cannot figure out what is missing. There is no pressure, you can figure it out for me."

Leo stared at Loki's shoulder for a solid minute.

"I ca—no."

"Yes," Loki said, pushing the plate closer. "And eat."

Loki strode off, leaving Leo and Jemma alone.

"You should eat it. It looks really good."

"You eat it," Leo muttered, looking at the StarkPad and trying to work out what was wrong.

It was there. Just out of reach. So frustrating.

"Eat. Then work," Jemma suggested.

"Yeah. Okay," Leo relented, setting the StarkPad down and picking up one half of the sandwich. He peaked at what was on it and saw it was all his favorite things, besides the odd pesto thing Loki had concocted.

"He gave that to you?"

Leo held the sandwich tightly, glancing up as one of the new guys, Mack, leaned on the doorway to the room Leo had hidden himself within.

"Lucky. Skye tried to steal part of it and I was pretty sure he was going to knife her."

Leo frowned, looking at the sandwich.

"Did you hear?" Mack asked, sitting down at the desk chair across from Leo. "Someone set up some charity in Loki's name that sells handbags. Handbags that cost $30,000! Honestly. The price people will pay for leather."

Leo bit down into the sandwich, closing his eyes at the explosion of flavors across his tongue.

Jemma let out a dreamy sigh, which made Leo snap his eyes towards her, but Mack didn't seem to notice. He went on talking about how bat shit crazy Loki had to have been to buy all those handbags when he clearly didn't need or want them in the first place.

"I guess he's lucky his boy's got a smart friend," Mack said. "Those noises you are making are indecent, kid. Let me try part of that."

Leo pushed the other half of the sandwich towards Mack just as Loki walked in and set a plate of cookies on the table. And another sandwich.

"Let Leopold have the other half of his sandwich. You can have one. I've decided to like you."

Mack snorted, but took the plate Loki handed him while pushing the half sandwich back towards Leo.

"Thanks, your highness."

Loki sniffed, turning on his expensive heels and stalking off.

"Pretty sure he only decided to like me because I like you," Mack muttered.

"I like you," Jemma assured. "Those cookies look divine. Do I smell mint?"

"Yeah," Leo said and Mack snorted.

* * *

 _Was I invading in on your secrets / Was I too close for comfort / You're pushing me out when I wanted in / What was I about to discover_

 _-McFly, "Too Close For Comfort"_

* * *

"How long have you been doing this?" Skye demanded angrily.

Jim looked between Coulson, May, Skye, and Loki with pleading eyes. Loki took a few steps closer to the sketchbook that was displayed on the screen and enlarged it. He gasped in horror.

"And why aren't Loki and I writing crazy symbols all over the place?"

"Why didn't you tell us?" Loki hissed, going over to the stack of sketchbooks that were on Coulson's desk. Jim watched helplessly as Loki riffled through them. He wasn't tied to the chair, but Jim felt as if he was.

"I didn't…tell anyone," Jim admitted. "I didn't even realize I was doing it at first."

"He's been doing it since the fall of SHEILD," May flatly stated. "I caught him writing the symbols down in a trance shortly after we took down Garrett."

"And you didn't think to tell us?" Skye screeched, rounding on Jim. "Those look like the things Loki drew that were on the Diviner when Huntley touched it!"

"Ah, so that's why you're wondering why you and Loki aren't doing it," Coulson realized.

"You didn't think it was related?" Loki inquired angrily.

"No. But, if it's Kree, then it's likely from the drug."

"We already suspected that," May said, glaring at Coulson. She threw a file at Loki. He caught it. "She's a little bit dead. Or dead again."

Loki flipped through the file while Skye tried to look over his shoulder. Jim shrunk back into the chair he was seated in front of Coulson's desk.

"She was part of the original project. What happened?" Loki demanded.

"What the file says. Found dead recently under another name with those symbols carved into her body. She's not the first one either. The wider world thinks it's a serial killer, but I think it's another member of the initial group," Coulson explained.

"3-D," Loki said, snapping his fingers and pointing at Coulson. "That's what's wrong with this. It needs to be in 3-D. I'm stupid, so unbelievably stupid lately."

Everyone stared at Loki blankly.

"2D doesn't work. The Kree write in 3D, they don't do two dimensional. That's why most of their work is carved. Skye, scan these into the computer and have Fitz build a model."

"You sure?"

"He can do it," Loki assured. "Doesn't require him to speak what is on his mind, just do. He's good at doing. Communicating is the problem."

"Do it," Coulson said.

Skye looked at Jim once more before hurrying off. Loki glared at Coulson.

"You knew."

"I suspected, sure, but neither you or Skye have gone into trances where these symbols start pouring out of your hand. Neither of you have shown any trace of anything out of the ordinary since you received treatment. And we weren't even sure it was the treatment till May found this serial killer."

"Skye didn't suffer nightmares during the process, so maybe—"

"It was the same. Fury didn't do anything to it between when he gave it to you and we stole it for Skye. I asked."

"Oh," Loki breathed, sitting down heavily on the desk. "Oh."

"What?"

Jim realized the implications as Loki did. They stared at one another.

"I'm…not human."

"Yes, you are," Coulson insisted.

"Neither is Skye," Jim realized, heart tightening in his chest. "How would you be descended from the Kree? You're a Frost Giant."

"No. Don't you understand? I was small for a Frost Giant. Extremely small. Frost Giants are over twenty feet tall. I'm six foot two."

"You're tiny," May dryly said, glaring at him.

"For a Frost Giant, he is tiny. Not even really a midget. How are you alive?" Coulson inquired.

"I cannot be a full blooded Frost Giant, even if I am short. And if I am not full blooded, it makes sense why I was thrown away."

"Then what are you?" Coulson asked.

"No idea. But something tells me…" Loki trailed off, looking at his hands. "I am tall for a human. A giant even."

"I wouldn't say that. Have you met Shaq?" Coulson joked.

"No. But, no, I meant, when I was born. The time period," Loki clarified. "The average height for the tenth century was roughly five foot seven. A six foot two human being would have looked like a giant."

"True," Jim agreed quickly. "I was overly tall for my time. I towered above most men of my era."

"Okay, are you half Frost Giant?" May asked.

"No," Jim conceded.

"People of James' era were averagely shorter than those of the Middle Ages, actually," Loki offered. "Due to the climate and living conditions, the average height went down considerably. I believe in the early 1900s the average height was five foot six."

"An inch shorter," Agent May said, looking unimpressed.

"Why do you know so much average human heights?" Coulson wanted to know.

"I towered over my father," Jim offered since Loki didn't look as if he was going to answer. "And brothers. I believe my father was under the assumption I wasn't his son."

"Because you were freakishly tall?" Coulson asked, looking a little too interested.

Jim nodded, shifting a little. In today's world, the taboo things his family never spoke about were fodder for tabloids and soap operas. Still, it felt weird to put it into words, few as they were.

"I have reason to trust his beliefs were correct."

"Why?" Loki asked sharply, looking as upset as Jim felt bringing this up.

"I looked a little too much like…"

"I see," Loki said, preventing Jim from having to admit he looked like a famous Shakespearian actor.

His mother was a very large patron of the arts before the family had squandered what was left of their money and had several affairs with actors and other high profile people involved in theater. Jim had met the man Jim suspected to his actual father once when he'd accompanied his mother (against his wishes) to a play at His Majesties' Theater. Upon meeting the man who owned the theater and who'd also been the lead actor of the play they'd just seen, Jim instantly knew the man had provided the other half of his DNA (not that he'd known what DNA was at the time, but details).

That was when he realized who ones parents happened to be meant little for how one turned out to be, as the actor/theater owner was a rather nice and talented individual, but he had the same flaws Jim had seen within his own parents.

Flaws he despised and vowed to never fall pray to.

"I am also two inches taller than Jim," Loki proclaimed.

"You are not," May sneered. "With his hair like that, he's taller than you."

"Fine. Okay. Shut up you two. So, Loki's half-human," Coulson announced louder than need be. "And when you were made…mortal…you kept your genetics from your mother?"

Loki made a terrible face, which Jim mirrored.

"Please tell me your father wasn't really twenty feet tall," Coulson groaned, pinching his nose.

"No, he was short for a Frost Giant," Loki remembered. "But still rather large for…"

"Well, clearly she lived in order for you to be born," May offered, looking uncomfortable.

"I think I'll go see how Skye is doing," Coulson said, leaping up and running from the office, leaving Loki, May, and Jim alone.

"How many people are left?" Loki quietly asked, picking the folder up and looking through it.

"Besides you three? Two. We're not sure which one is the killer," May ground through gritted teeth. She hated sharing information with Loki more than anyone else within SHIELD.

"Is this the reason you did not wish to train Jim?"

"Yes."

Jim frowned, looking at Loki. "You train me."

"I offered when May refused," Loki said, fingering the sketch books on the desk. "Why are you spouting off all these images? And in a trance?"

No one spoke.

* * *

 _I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back / I've been everywhere, and still I'm standing tall_

 _-Bon Jovi, "Wanted Dead or Alive"_

* * *

Only one of the former TAHITI (The Alien Hidden In The Incubator, clever SHIELD, clever) patients had an address. The other who wasn't dead was a former SHEILD assassin, who likely had been HYDRA.

"We've got to go to the other guy's house. He's got kids, a family," Skye said, outraged.

"Where is Jim?" Coulson asks, looking around.

"He was just here," Skye insisted.

"Loki's gone as well," May said, folding her arms across her chest and standing in the doorway to Coulson's office.

"Oh, crap," Skye said, throwing down the file folder on the man with the family. "Loki can't just magic them out—"

"Quinjet just took off without clearance," Morse said, appearing next to May.

Coulson cursed darkly and charged out of the office.

* * *

 _Beware of pretty faces that you find / A pretty face can hide an evil mind / Oh, be careful what you say / Or you'll give yourself away_

 _-Johnny Rivers, "Secret Agent Man"_

* * *

Hank Thompson had been having a perfectly normal day when two outrageously good looking men (he loved his wife to the moon and back, but was comfortable stating these two were more than easy on the eyes and seemingly almost too good looking to be real) invaded his home, told him he was in danger, insisted they were not related (like hell, they were totally brothers), he was knocked out and then tied up by another stranger who then began shouting about something that made no sense, and his wife and son were locked in a closet in their own home. Oh, and he was in a hella lot of pain that the mad guy claimed would awaken his memories of a life when he was James Bond.

"You had them removed. We all had them removed against our wills," the mad man declared. He whirled around on the brothers and said, "These two haven't, for some unknown reason. They are allowed to remember they are apart of something glorious. Do you know what the writing means?"

He ripped open his shirt. Hank couldn't see what the hell he was showing the brothers, but the blue eyed one paled and the green eyed one looked disgusted.

"You're insane. And coming from me, that's saying something," the green eyed one who claimed to be named Thomas said.

"Did you carve that into your chest yourself?" the blue eyed one asked. His name was Jim. Or James. He introduced himself as Agent Jim Nicholls, but Thomas called him James.

"They're not carved, you posh British idiot. It's a tattoo. Do they not have those in your neck of the woods?"

Jim blinked a few times, but didn't reply.

"He's not from here," Thomas drawled.

"Nor are you," reminded Jim, glaring at Thomas out of the side of his eye.

Hank worked on his bonds, feeling them loosening. He was sure the brothers were purposely keeping the mad man distracted so Hank could free himself, as if he was who they claimed he likely knew how to do it.

And this seemed to be the case as he worked himself free without really thinking about it and if someone had asked him this morning if he could untie himself with both hands bound behind his back, he'd've laughed in their face.

"I am from nowhere, no wait. I'm really not. Did you know that nowhere actually is a place?"

"Not now, Thomas," Jim snapped.

"I think I should shoot one of you, but I'm not sure which of you is more annoying."

Hank's hands were free.

Wow.

"I think I'll start with you. You've been drawing them, haven't you? You freaked when you saw them," the mad man declared, dragging Jim off by his curly hair.

Thomas turned his attention immediately to Hank.

"Are you free?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Thomas stood fluidly.

"Did he not restrain you?"

"He tried. No mortal can restrain me," Thomas proclaimed in a manner that sounded a little braggish, but then he looked heartbroken and shook his head. "Well, except one maybe. But Sebastian Derik is not him. James and I will neutralize Derik. You go to your family. Also, might I ask, have you been drawing, writing, or— wait."

They were in the barn, where the model railroad was displayed. He'd been working on it for three years, since he had moved to this house in the country. Which would have been shortly after he had ended his treatment with SHEILD and had his brain erased— if what the mad man claimed was true.

Thomas took off without another word and Hank hurried to the house but halted as soon as he exited the barn. Behind him he could hear the noise of the three men battling it out, but that wasn't what stopped him. What stopped him was the sight of a huge black SUV pulling into his driveway and stopping behind the little red car the brothers had arrived in. Out poured more people all dressed in black.

"Where are they?" demanded a middle aged man in a suit.

"In there."

"Thanks. You know the drill," he informed the people behind him, who hurried forward.

Hank watched the other two people pulling out guns and getting ready to enter the barn. Something familiar tugged inside Hank, but he shook it off. He was a family man now and he liked his life. He had no desire to become James Bond.

He didn't even like James Bond.

* * *

 _And dreams came around you in a hazy rain / You open your mouth wide to feel them fall / And I write you a letter, from a one-way train / But I don't think you'll read it at all_

 _-Something Corporate, "Globes and Maps"_

* * *

"James was trying to solve a puzzle. They all were, but because you all deal in 2D, none of you could solve it. Mr Thomspon, though, he dealt in the 3D, so he saw it long before he started carving. Though, I guess technically, he was doing something to get the message out, he only never realized it and once he as saw it, he did not care."

"Well, what is it?" Skye demanded, folding her arms across her chest, glaring between Jim and Loki.

They looked more related than normal since Loki had gone out in public and when he did that he wore a wig that looked alarmingly like Jim's hair only brown not blond. He still had the wig on and between the matching suits…Skye didn't know they could deny they looked like twins.

"It's a map," Jim trumpeted.

He was still giddy from figuring it out. He was honestly bouncing on his heels and smiling like an idiot.

Simmons sighed.

Skye wasn't sure how she could deny Jim had Smile Power when she kept falling under it if her dreamy sigh was anything to go by and the fact Fitz didn't look like he wanted to kill Jim like he did Tripp when Tripp flirted with Simmons.

"We've rendered a 3D model," Loki went on, using the halo-table to put an image up before them. "We knew we needed to put this in 3D, due to the fact the writing is Kree and they work in the 3D, but we didn't know the order because James wasn't writing it properly. Mr Thompson, though, knew the right order because he was thinking in 3D to build his model."

"The train table," Morse guessed.

They had let the rest of the team in on the secret, mostly because it was kind of noticeable when Jim and Loki stole a jet. And Lola.

Skye wasn't sure why they took a Quinjet and Lola. Yeah, Lola could fly, but not very fast. Loki had claimed he couldn't resist from taking Lola, since he'd been instructed not to touch. Even Skye knew not to tell Loki not to touch something if you didn't want him to touch it at some point.

Well, she guessed that was likely the reason they'd taken Lola.

"How does this help us?" Simmons asked, eyeing the map Loki had displayed before them.

"Well, it gives a blueprint of what we're looking for," Loki replied. "This is a Kree city. They built a few and each was buried, either by the Kree themselves or simply by human improvement."

"Where should we start looking?" Coulson asked.

"Everywhere," Loki grumbled, not looking pleased. "We'll need access to some satellites and scan the whole planet. I knew where the cities were at the time, but in relation to where they are now? I'm at a loss."

"The continents haven't drifted that much," Skye pointed out.

"No, but cities have lived and died, countries have grown and prospered, withered and failed. And you must remember, these cities are underground. Since being abandoned, they might have crumbled. Using a satellite, like the one say at an airbase in Hawaii, would allow us to see if one city still stands and where it is."

"Well, the government already hates us," Coulson sighed deeply. "Let's do this thing before HYDRA figures it out first."

* * *

 _I grew up lonesome on the open range / And that cold North wind can make a man feel strange_

 _-Lyle Lovett, "Don't Touch My Hat"_

* * *

The city was in Puerto Rico.

And Skye did not want to go. After her nightmare about the hidden city, she was completely frightened of what it might hold when they actually found it.

"We shouldn't go," Skye muttered. "We should just leave it alone."

Skye flexed her fingers, turning her hands over. She shivered and looked at Jim.

"We have to go," Jim quietly assured her, gently squeezing her shoulder quickly before stepping out of arm's reach. "HYDRA is defiantly interested if what Coulson learned from The Doctor is true and we do not wish for anything to fall into HYDRA's hands."

"That is just wrong," Loki insisted. "He should not use that moniker. It insults The Doctor."

"He is a doctor."

"He is not," Skye insisted, shuddering and remembering the "surgery" they'd discovered. "Are you sure you can't come with me?"

"Yes. We're going with Coulson to the city."

Skye sighed, finishing putting her gear together to go protect Raina from HYDRA. Not an assignment she was looking forward to, but nonetheless one she would do. It also meant she didn't have to go to the city. (Though, she'd likely end up there at the end of the day knowing her luck.)

"Be safe," Jim quietly said.

"I will if you will," Skye promised.

Jim smiled.

* * *

 _I get high, and I love to get low / So, the hearts keep breaking and the heads just roll / You know that's how the story goes_

 _-Ellie King, "Ex's & Oh's"_

* * *

"I hate you."

"No, you do not."

"Yes. I detest you quite a bit. Hate isn't even a strong enough word for my feelings towards you right now."

Jim sighed deeply, rubbing his forehead.

"It's true. I abhor you. Loathe you. You repel me."

"Loki."

"Execrate."

Jim sighed deeply.

"Fine. I don't hate you. I despise the heat. I should have gone with Skye to Vancouver, much cooler and less humid."

"It is," Jim agreed, "but the action is here and she is on her way. So, you'd still wind up in the here at the end of the day."

"I hate you and your craziness."

"I am not crazy."

"You're a human being."

"And you are not?"

"No. And that's that."

"Is Loki in a mood?" Morse asked, coming to rest next to them alongside the wall they were leaning on over looking the water.

"He is hot," Jim allowed. "I suggested he join Simmons and Fitz, but he insisted on standing here staring at the ocean."

"It's cooler," Loki insisted. "Also…"

"That place gives us a strange feeling," Jim filled in.

"They found a shaft that goes down," Morse offered. "I didn't stay to find out what is down there, as someone had to come check on you two clowns. But, I'm sure exciting things are happening."

Loki snorted as a screech and a tinny voice shouted, "MORSE!"

Morse jumped a little, but put her hand to her ear and asked, "What?"

The little tinny voice said something unclear before she nodded. She removed her hand from her ear and stared at Jim and Loki.

"Let's go. Something's happened to Mack. Where are your coms?"

"I turned mine off," Loki said, flapping his hand as he jogged after Morse. "And Jim can't figure out how to turn his on still."

* * *

 _Don't, don't, don't let's start / This is the worst part / Could believe for all the world that you're my precious little girl_

 _-They Might Be Giants, "Don't Start"_

* * *

Information overload. That's what was happening.

That man could not be her father. Death followed him everywhere he went.

She shuddered.

She'd touched the Divinder and wasn't dead.

What he'd told her earlier was true. What Raina had said on the Bus was true.

Information overload.

"So, what are we going to do?"

Closing her eyes and praying to whatever she was elsewhere, that's what she was doing. What the hell Ward did wasn't her problem.

She was tied up with Grant Ward.

Her life was…bizarre. They should make a TV show about it.

"I'm free," Ward proclaimed. "Should I free you?"

"Sure."

"Will you shoot me?"

"I don't have a gun."

Ward regarded her a moment before standing and starting to untie her hands. She should be able to weasel her way out of the binds, but she was tired. And dealing with information overload. She was never going to have time to really think things through, think about how she felt about finding out who and what her father really was. Why couldn't Coulson be her dad?

She'd never admit it, but she'd had dreams and day dreams where the man was her father. He'd make a good one. Not that he'd ever settle down after the whole…cellist in Portland. She wasn't sure what had happened, but the woman thought Coulson was dead. Why, Skye had no idea. She thought it was kind of dumb, but then again, romantic relationships and agents of SHEILD didn't go together Skye was learning.

Kind of tragic, but oh well.

"Thanks," Skye said, rubbing her wrists.

"Okay, let's go finish this together," Ward said, bending over to pick up a gun someone had left behind at some point.

"Yeah, I don't think so."

Skye pulled a gun out of her back pocket the HYDRA agents had missed when she'd been frisked and shot Ward in the stomach. He fell to the ground.

Skye stared at him, the man she had thought she could build a life with, build something with. She really wanted to feel bad for shooting him in the stomach, but she couldn't muster the strength or emotion. She said nothing as she left him in search of her father, who called himself Calvin Zabo as the man he'd been when he had named her Daisy Johnson had died with her mother.

She swallowed thickly. She hurried through the various halls till the sounds of struggle drew her towards a large open foyer where Coulson and Zabo were struggling. Whitehall was dead on the ground, forgotten. He had a hole in head.

Well, good.

"Stop it!" Skye shouted, putting the gun in front of her steadily and aiming it at Zabo. Zabo paused in his quest to kill Coulson and stared at her wide eyed. "I will kill you if don't get lost. Leave now."

Zabo dropped Coulson, who fell to the floor and coughed a few times before he stood and slowly moved towards Skye, a weary look in his eyes.

"Walk away forever, or I will kill you next time I see you," she promised.

Coulson looked concerned, but she ignored him. Zabo glared at Coulson before looking back at Skye. He put both hands up and smiled sadly.

"You'll come to me once you transform. You'll have questions. You'll come to me. He won't accept you after. Later," he waved and ran down the stairs. Skye went over and glanced down to make sure he was really going. A door slamming somewhere signaled he was gone. Skye lowered her gun.

"What did he mean when you transform?" Coulson asked quietly. "I'll always accept you. Unless you turn into a HYDRA agent."

"I touched the Diviner and didn't die. It lit up," Skye admitted. "So, Loki's right."

"Well, okay. That's fine. We'll figure it out."

"Let's not talk about this. HYDRA was drilling into the city and I gotta…I gotta put things right. They took Raina with them and she can touch the Diviner just like me," Skye explained, heading for the stairs.

"SKYE!" she heard Coulson shout from behind her.

She ignored him and ran down the stairs the same way Zabo had gone. She found the entry to the basement easily as no one in the halls. That didn't bode well. Then again, HYDRA wasn't known for its bravery. Skye skidded into the room with the drill and saw it wasn't on any longer. There was a huge, open hole and the Diviner was gone.

"Raina," Skye moaned and leapt down the hole.

She landed with a soft thump and ran forward. She followed dusty footprints till she found Raina, holding the Diviner. For some reason Mack led Raina further into the city. Skye silently followed.

* * *

 _It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie / The moment to live and the moment to die / The moment to fight, the moment to fight_

 _-30 Seconds to Mars, "This is War"_

* * *

"Bombs are all set," Triplett reported, grabbing onto the rope to hook himself up to be raised up.

"Skye and Raina are still in the city," May reported from her end. "Coulson's gone after Skye. Don't blow the city up!"

Triplett cursed and ran off before anyone could say anything.

"Tripp!" Simmons shouted, jerking forward.

"I'll go," Loki said as James grabbed onto Simmons to prevent her from falling down the hole.

Without heed for his poor hands, Loki leapt forward and grabbed onto the cable that lowered them up and down. His hands burned and tore as he flew downwards, but he ignored it. He'd had worse pain. He crashed into the ground, stumbled a little before he running in the other direction so Triplett didn't have to run to all the bombs to defuse them. Loki defused two before he came across Triplett.

"I'll go find Skye."

"No. I will. You go back. If something happens down here, you're not protected. I am."

"How do you know?"

"I never had the compulsion to write or draw."

Triplett gave him a look and in a single look Loki knew the man wouldn't go back.

"If you die it's your own fault."

"I'll walk it off," Triplett assured, turning and running off.

Loki followed, knowing for some reason Triplett was going the right way.

"There!" Triplett shouted, pointing towards a stone room where the walls were moving.

Loki instantly knew what the room was for and pushed Triplett hard into the wall. The man crashed to the ground before he could leap into the room. Loki, planning on leaping in and grabbing Skye before anything happened, jumped forward. However, before he was able to grab Skye and pull her out of the room he found his feet flew out from under him and the stone wall slam shut behind him.

Loki let out a bellow of outrage.

Raina glared at him, but said nothing. More important things were happening, as the Diviner was glowing and opening up. Soon mist filled the room. Loki tried to hold his breath, but knew it was pointless. He looked helplessly at Skye from his position on the floor while she wore a freaked out expression.

"See you on the other side," Raina teased as stone began to encase them all.

The next thing Loki knew was everything was freezing cold, which made no sense as they were in the Caribbean. Even underground it was still warmer than Loki cared for. He felt something cracking around him and shivered.

"Loki!" Skye shouted and suddenly the whole room began to shake and Loki screamed upon seeing blue hands connected to his arms.

* * *

 _Each time things start to happen again / I think I got something good goin' for myself / But what goes wrong_

 _-The Beach Boys, "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times"_

* * *

Phil stumbled to a stop as the ground shook and landed on top of Triplett, who was rubbing his elbow and looking pissed.

"Skye and Loki are in there," Triplett reported. "I'd be in there too, but Loki pushed me into the wall so hard you'd think he was still a god."

"Asgaridan. Not a god," Phil corrected. The ground shook again.

"Think this city will stand?"

"Yeah. It has for thousands of years," Phil reasoned.

The stone wall in front of them disintegrated in a combination of ice and rock to reveal Skye standing alone in the room looking completely scared out of her mind. She whirled around a few times, searching for something.

"Where's Raina?" she demanded.

"No one's come out. There were two major earthquakes. Maybe she got buried?"

The whole room they'd been in was crumbled around where Skye was standing with a huge block of ice. The Diviner was gone.

"Uh, where's Loki?" Phil asked, already knowing the answer.

"He's in that block of ice. He kind of made it himself," Skye weakly answered. "His hands were blue."

She appeared resigned to her fate.

"Frost Giants are blue," Phil offered. "And he's part Frost Giant. So, the ice makes sense."

"Does it?" Triplett asked. "What the hell is going on?"

Skye rubbed her arms and looked uncomfortable. "Where's Raina? She was in here with us."

Phil looked around again to make sure he didn't see her. She wouldn't have gotten far as there were only two ways to go, through Phil and Triplett or to the left. Phil hadn't seen anyone go to the left.

"She's likely buried. We'll get people down here to clean up then we'll blow this place up like we originally planned. Let's get out of here, though."

The ice around Loki cracked, showering everyone with ice and leaving a shivering Loki sitting in puddle behind. Phil expected him to completely blue, but he was not. He was staring at his hands and bare feet as if they were someone else's. His panic mounted the longer he stared, his breaths coming out in short bursts. Skye knelt down next to him, reached out and gasped, quickly drawing her hand back. Loki looked up and asked, "Please tell me my face isn't blue. Do I have horns? Oh god, I have horns."

"No. Your eyes are red. And you're radiating cold."

Loki scrambled up and away from Skye, tripping over the rubble and landing ungracefully on his butt at Phil's feet. A thick layer of frost followed him. Loki looked fearfully through ruby red eyes at Phil and Phil stared at them in wonder.

"They're very pretty, I'm not sure why you're upset," Phil said.

Loki scrambled to his feet, not seeming to notice the frost he was standing on. "Lord Voldemort had red eyes."

"So do you. Are you Lord Voldemort now? You have a nose."

Loki's blue hand flew to his nose and he screamed, quickly dropping his hand to reveal his now black tipped nose. Tears flowed down his face and he stared at his hands in betrayal.

"Well, shit," Triplett breathed.

"I'm a Frost Giant! I'm a Frost Giant!" Loki babbled, his voice getting higher. The frost under his feet turned to ice and icicles burst out of his hands, shattering on the ground at Phil's and Triplett's feet. Triplett jumped backwards, while Phil stayed planted.

Skye took a few shaky steps forward, her hand outstretched, but Loki screamed and fell backwards, scrambling away from them all, his hands and feet not slipping on the ice forming under him. He stopped suddenly and toppled backwards, falling silent. The ice didn't melt. May appeared out of the shadows and stepped around Loki's ice trail, looking at Loki with distrust.

"Mind telling me what happened?" she asked, eyes glued to Loki's still form.

"Loki's a Frost Giant?" Phil guessed.

May blinked.

"The Diviner turned part of him into a Frost Giant?" Phil tried.

"Whose gonna tell him when he wakes up his hair is white?" Triplett asked, coming to stand near Loki's bare blue feet. "Not it."

"Not it," both Phil and May quickly said.

Skye looked between them all before saying, "Seriously? You just tranqued him, his hands and feet are blue, his eyes are red, he encased himself in ice for some reason, left a trail of ice in his panicked retreat, is radiating cold like whoa, and you're worried about who will tell him what color is hair is?"

"You clearly don't know him very well," Jim's voice sounded from behind. Phil turned to find Jim, Simmons, Fitz, Mack, and Morse. Mack appeared to be back to himself again. Morse was standing close, while Fitz kept patting him on the arm. Mack, himself, looked befuddled and kept rubbing his head.

"Found him wandering around looking confused," Morse offered. "Hunter's topside."

Phil nodded.

"Is he okay?" Simmons asked, gasping when she noticed Loki's bare feet and hands.

"I think so," Phil offered while May glared at him.

"He's got blue hands and feet," Morse stated flatly. "And he's surrounded by ice. In the Caribbean."

"He's naturally blue and icy?" Phil tried again.

Morse mirrored May's expression.

"Don't touch the blue or you'll look like his nose," Phil warned when he noticed Simmons reaching out for Loki.

Simmons gasp, with drawing her hand from Loki's and going for his nose. "It looks as if he's gotten frost bite. Oh, he is rather cold. Even the bits that aren't blue."

Phil turned to look at Jim, who wasn't looking at Loki like the rest of them, but worriedly at Skye, who was now staring at her own hands looking scared. Phil internally frowned.

"Grab him under the armpits," Mack suggested to Triplett. "Fitz and I'll get a leg."

The trio stepped forward and hoisted Loki up, slowly making their way through the crowd towards the entrance SHIELD used to enter the temple city.

"This is bad," May proclaimed.

"Let's get Skye back to the Bus," Simmons said, looking sideways at Skye. "Best see if you've been infected with whatever Loki has been clearly infected with."

Jim and Skye both stiffened.

"She's not infected with anything," Phil proclaimed, putting a hand on Skye's shoulder and giving her a squeeze. Jim picked his way over the rubble to where Skye was standing and took her hand off her other arm and held it tightly. Phil let go and allowed Jim to lead Skye away. Simmons followed after them, taking Morse with her. May came and stood next to Phil.

"Don't say it. I won't accept it."

May didn't say anything.

* * *

 _And these children that you spit on / As they try to change their worlds / Are immune to your consultation / They're quite aware of what they're going through_

 _-David Bowie, "Changes"_

* * *

Simmons was the first one to discover Raina (and not die at her hand). The cockroach of a woman had not died in the cave-in of the stone room. After seeing Raina's face and her strength (and the trail of bodies), Simmons believed now more than before there was a contagious disease on the loose and Reina and Loki had been infected, hence their new appearances.

Thus, Skye was still in isolation and left to worry they'd find out she had changed and was "infected."

"They're going to reject me. What the hell are we going to do?"

Skye turned towards Loki who was strapped to a bed so he wouldn't accidentally touch his non-blue skin and leave himself further deformed. Loki hadn't uttered a word since he'd woken up. He's remained motionless and stared blankly at the ceiling, leaving Skye alone with her thoughts.

"I mean, I know we're not infected. You explained when you figured out what the silver thing was, what it did. It transforms those with Kree DNA or whatever. We've both got Kree DNA. It turned you blue and made me…shake things."

"Shake things?"

Skye jumped.

Jim glanced between Skye and the all but dead Loki. He swallowed and took another step closer. Fitz was behind him, looking unsure.

"You're different," Fitz stated, wringing his hands. "I fixed your watch. It…it…you…"

He got frustrated. Skye felt her heartbeat race and a light bulb shattered above her head, making everyone (except Loki) jump.

"Oh."

Fitz raced off without saying anything else.

"Where's he going?"

"Likely to change the results of your blood sample Simmons took," Jim said. "He pieced together what occurred in the temple and came to me. You caused the earthquake and your heartbeat was…inhuman."

Jim looked worriedly between Skye and Loki.

"I was never human," Loki's emotionless voice sounded.

Skye's heart broke a little for him, but at the same time she was excited. He was speaking. They could have conversations instead of her standing around talking to herself.

"Did you wish to be human?" Jim quietly asked. "You were most upset at the loss of your…former status."

"I lost my magic. That's what I was upset about. Bruce and I were working on it."

"He's talking!" Skye whispered excitedly.

"Now I'm just a freak," Loki muttered. "A monster who freezes everything he touches."

Skye was glad no one had shown Loki a mirror, as his nose was a mess and according to Simmons there wasn't much they could do without major surgery to replace the missing bits. She then said they didn't have any extra skin lying around to make him new bits, then babbled about making some and vanished.

Also, white hair.

At least he wouldn't need the wig when he left base.

But, the point was, he kinda looked like a monster, between the red eyes and black hole where his nose ought to be. Poor guy.

Jim sat on the chair right outside the containment area and worried his bottom lip. Loki went silent. Skye sat on the bed and twisted her hands together till Fitz returned, looking a little nervous.

"I changed the results," Fitz proclaimed, coming to a stop next to Jim. He rocked back and forth and kept smoothing his hands over one another. "Your results match what Jemma got from Raina and Loki. You're…"

"Not human," Skye sighed deeply. "Kinda figured."

"You're human," Jim maintained, a stubborn set to his mouth Skye had never witnessed. "You've got got Kree…alternations."

Skye raised her eyebrows, but did not argue with him.

"Different is a good thing," Fitz insisted. "You're not contagious and don't need to be in there."

"Simmons would say otherwise," Skye darkly muttered.

"She's wrong," Fitz declared, looking right at Skye and making eye contact with her for the first time since his accident over a year ago. Skye's heart swelled. "Different is good."

Tears roll down her cheeks and the chair scrap across the floor. Without realizing what they were doing, Skye suddenly found herself with Fitz and Jim both seated next to her on the bed, Fitz awkwardly patted her leg while Jim put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her gently to his side. She happily collapsed into him.

It was the first human contact she'd had since she'd been put in here. She cried harder into Jim's shoulder.

"Loki…" Skye choked out.

"I'm fine," Loki insisted.

Skye sniffed. "No, you're not. We've got to figure out a way for you not to freeze everything you touch. Then you're giving me a hug and we will be different together. And we will totally rock it."

Jim chuckled, smoothing her hair away from her face (a rather bold move for him) while Fitz nodded, patting her leg faster.

"I'll start on that now. I've got the readings. I can do it."

Fitz hopped off the bed and scurried out of the room, not bothering to shut the door behind him.

"Simmons said if your results are clear you will be free to leave tomorrow morning," Jim whispered, hand now resting on her cheek and sweeping up tears with his large thumb. "And I'm sure as soon as we have shoes and gloves that will aid Loki, he'll be let go as well."

"It's safer for everyone with me here as I am."

"You are such a drama queen, Lokes," Skye sighed, sniffing. Jim dropped his hand, his eyes wide as if he had just realized what he'd been doing. Skye finished wiping her eyes herself and patted Jim on the knee. "It's not the end of the world."

"Frost Giants are the monsters they tell children about at night to keep them in line."

"You're not a monster."

Loki darkly laughed. "Aren't I?"

"No."

"You once thought so."

"I never thought you were a monster. I thought you were insane and should be kept on a Captain America leash. Then I got to know you. You're weird, don't get me wrong, and you're kind of an asshole, but you were never a monster. Well, unless you're a Muppet."

"Pardon?"

"Then you might be Oscar the Grouch," Skye declared. "Those Muppets call themselves monsters, right? Like Elmo, Telly, and Rosita. Oh, and Cookie Monster. Oscar is a Grouch Monster, right?"

"How do you know so much about _Sesame Street?_ " Jim asked.

"I like it. So sue me."

"I'm going to sleep. Leave me alone," Loki decreed.

"I'll return in the morning," Jim said, pushing himself swiftly from the bed and straightening out his crisp button down and cardigan combo.

"Where's Coulson?" Skye asked. "I haven't seen him sit here with you lately."

"They're taking out HYDRA," Jim replied, going to the door and quietly shutting it. It hissed before locking. "Coulson ought to be back tomorrow."

* * *

 _Contagious as you think I am / Just tilt my sun towards your domain / Your cup runneth over again_

 _-Collective Soul, "December"_

* * *

"He thinks we should all be killed."

"Lady Sif would likely agree, especially in my case," Loki pointed out bitterly.

They hadn't let Loki out when Sif had been found wandering around without any knowledge of who she was or why she was here. After she'd remembered, to appease Sif, the team had moved Loki's hospital bed into one of their containment cells. (Partly because upon seeing her, Loki had gotten into a verbal spat with her and wound up shooting ice out his feet and hands in her direction while still strapped down. She jumped out of the way, so she was fine, but Skye was sure she'd have killed Loki if she could have gotten away with it.) (Likely having the wrath of Thor and Captain America after her prevented her from killing him. And his nose was already a mess so she couldn't break it again. Seeing him locked up in a tiny, soundproof room gave her sick satisfaction, though.) Skye had joined Loki upon learning she had no control over her powers— just like Loki. She'd broken a few bones in her arms in her attempt to control her powers as well as shattered a few windows in an outburst, so she'd come down during her breakdown and iced herself.

Coulson had looked heartbroken as she'd done it.

"At least you don't shoot ice out of your hands and feet," Loki groused.

"Hey, that was kind of funny. That's the most action I've seen out of you since you encased yourself in ice."

Loki darkly glared at her.

"And Sif was pissed," Skye laughed. "It was hilarious."

"I will admit, I enjoy tormenting her."

"Hence why she punched you last time she was here. Pretty sure she'd do it again if you hadn't frozen your own nose off."

"Don't remind me. It feels…strange not to have a proper nose. I wish…"

"You want plastic surgery on that pretty, little nose of yours?"

"I do not want a nose job. I need one. I look like a freak enough as it is, but at least Fitz is working on something to hide that aspect of my transformation. If only he could build me a natural looking nose."

"Wonder if they'll make something for me?"

"Likely. They like you."

"You've gotten to them," Skye assured the grumpy man.

"No one likes me."

"Steve likes you. Steve likes you a like whoa."

Loki looked away from her.

"Jim likes you, your best friend likes you, I'm pretty sure Stark grudgingly likes you, Bruce Banner loves you," Skye offered. "I mean, seriously. I've heard your Skype convos. You two are totally in love with one another and whatever you're doing."

"Shut up."

Skye smirked. "And I like you, even if you are a total weirdo."

Loki sighed.

"Fitz likes you. I bet he'd like you more if he could talk to you properly. I mean, he's getting better at talking. But, he likes that you don't treat him like he's less than he was, even if you didn't know him before his accident very well. I mean, it's different than with Mack. Mack did not ever know him before the accident, but you did, yet you still treat him the same. He likes that. He likes you."

The silence stretched and Skye sighed sadly.

"I'm going to shut up now."

"What are we going to do?"

"Wait for them to fix us. They'll figure it out."

"What if they don't?" Loki asked.

"Then we learn to live with it. I mean, there's others out there. I mean, there has to be, right? Zabo said there were others, like my mother. People go through this transformation on purpose, according to him. And there's not a ton of freaky things happening. So, there's gotta be a way to control these…things, right?"

Loki didn't reply. Skye waited a few minutes before leaning against the wall and sliding down, staring off into the distance. In here, she was unable to hear the team arguing about their fate. Having the whole team hear an actual Kree tell the tale of how people like her and Loki came into existence and how the Kree saw them and disposed of them…it stung.

"Hunter joined SHIELD finally," Skye offered, crawling to hide under Loki's bed. "I think he and Bobbi are sleeping together."

This got a snort from above her head. She smiled up at under belly of the bed and settled in to hear Loki's take on the divorced couple.

* * *

 _I am going through hell / And nothing can save me but the sound of your voice / You cut out all the noise_

 _-Maroon 5, "How"_

* * *

"Well, at least we've got gloves," Skye grumbled, staring at the gauntlets Simmons had made. They felt like they were pressing heavy weights against her wrists, but the earthquakes stopped at least.

"Lovely."

Loki looked down at his feet and hands distastefully. Skye wasn't going to tell him, but his shoes were really ugly. His gloves looked like hers only with fingers.

"Hey, you stopped shooting ice out of your limbs and you can touch yourself," Skye snickered.

Loki sent her a dark look and sighed. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You weren't a part of the fight Zabo orchestrated, but watching. What caused you distress?"

Skye looked away.

"Everyone returned, no one died."

"Coulson hit one of them," Skye whispered, sitting down on Loki's bed in his quarters. He was pacing the room, getting his muscles to work right again after being immobile for so long. Or being unable to actually walk without freezing the floor.

"What was the man doing before Coulson hit him?"

"Begging for Coulson not to hit him."

"But Coulson didn't listen?"

Skye shook her head.

Loki stopped pacing and stood at attention.

"He was so…angry. He hit him really hard."

Loki regarded her for a long moment before speaking.

"You were threatened directly by your own birth father. I'm not sure you really realize the amount of affection Director Coulson holds for you, Skye. You were not the first person he picked up off the side of the road and brought into the fold, but you hold a special place."

Skye scrunched up her nose. "What do you mean?"

Loki smiled so softly he looked alien. "You're the daughter he never had. He's surrounded by killers and secret agents. While you became an agent of SHEILD, you never needed to be saved."

Skye frowned.

"You only needed to belong."

Skye narrowed her eyes.

"Natasha Romanov needed saving. Clint Barton needed direction and saving from himself," Loki quietly said. "I needed to be saved from myself as well. May is his best friend and confidant. Fitz and Simmons both have loving families back home. The others have all been agents for so long it's all they know. It's all Coulson really knows, but there is something within that needs to take care of someone, who needs…"

"To be a dad?"

"In a sense, yes. Coulson takes care of people, saves them from themselves. You're different because you never needed saving. You were looking for something. You're nothing like anyone he's met."

Skye avoided Loki's red gaze and stared at her feet. Now that Loki had pointed it out, she saw how much Coulson cared and it was more than he cared for the others. Not to say he didn't care about the rest of the team, but it was different.

"Well, he might care but he's still pulled me from active duty."

"Wonderful, you can keep me company."

Skye looked up to find Loki giving her a creepily pleased smile and sighed deeply. "Oh, goody. Are we going to play board games?"

They in fact did play board games. Loki had a rather large collection for someone who'd run away from home with a single suitcase.

* * *

 _Ruled by bureaucracy / Controlled by civil servants / And people dressed in grey / Got no privacy, got no liberty_

 _-The Kinks, "20_ _th_ _Century Man"_

* * *

"Did Bruce suggest this?"

"Doctor Banner has no idea that you're here," Phil said, looking between the pair. "It's Hulk proof, so it should stand up to the pair of you. I just want to keep you both safe."

Skye had been behaving strangely towards him since the incident at the high school, while Loki was his usual bitter self. Well, his new usual bitter self. His bitterness was different than the bitterness he'd carried when he'd arrived a year before to join the team. Phil sighed deeply and pleadingly looked between the two.

"Yeah, safe," Skye snickered in a good imitation of Loki.

Loki snorted.

"Everyone is after us, Coulson," Skye said, rounding on him. "And your answer is to hide us in the woods."

Phil let out a lot of air through his nose quickly and did not sigh. He looked between the pair before saying once again they'd be safer here and taking his leave.

He hoped he was right.

* * *

 _It always take one to know one stranger / Maybe we're just wiser now / And been around the block so many times / That we don't notice that we're all just perfect strangers_

 _-Tom Waits, "I Never Talk To Strangers"_

* * *

It took an hour before Skye cracked.

"OMG I AM SO BORED."

"In my bag."

Skye scampered across the room to where Loki had dumped his bag. She dug out his laptop and let out a sigh of relief when it connected to internet somewhere.

"Does this magically find internet everywhere like Sam's on _Supernatural_?"

"Pardon?" Loki asked, looking up from the scary book he was reading. It was huge, filled with tiny print. Skye had tried to read over his shoulder, but couldn't take it.

"This thing finds internet no matter where you are," Skye said. "Right?"

"No. Bruce has wifi," Loki said, looking perplexed. "He might be in the middle of nowhere, but he likes internet games too much to totally cut himself off."

"Seriously?"

Loki nodded as there was a knock on the door. Loki and Skye both exchanged glances before Skye stood and flung the door open, blinking a few times at the sight that greeted her.

"Uh, hi?"

"Who is it, Skye?" Loki asked, coming up behind her. "Oh."

"Hello," the eyeless man said pleasantly. "Took us awhile to find you, but here you are!"

Skye glanced up at Loki before looking back at the eyeless man.

"Here we are," Loki agreed. "Would you like to come in?"

"Thank you. I'd like that," the man said, entering the cabin. He looked around, which taken his lack of eyes was just weird. "Nice digs."

"Not really my style," Skye said as Loki shut the door.

"And you are?" Loki politely inquired.

"Oh, I'm Gordon," the man greeted, smiling and waving. "I'm here to offer the pair of you a safe place."

"We're in a safe place," Skye countered.

"Are you?" Gordon asked. "I'm from a place that offers peace and quiet and training for those like the pair of you."

"Training," Loki asked, perking up. "Controlling our powers?"

"Yes. There are many others like you, with powers."

Loki looked as if he was going to start salivating.

"Why do we need training?" Skye demanded.

"To control the powers and make it safe for you to exist. You both cause harm to all those around you and yourselves."

The eyeless Gordon suddenly frowned deeply.

"What are you wearing on your hands?"

"These prevent the quakes," Skye offered. "My friend made them for me."

"She's your friend?"

"She's trying to help."

"She's doing more harm."

"I would argue," Loki insisted. "I'm no longer freezing bits of myself off or the ground below my feet thanks to our friend's inventions."

Gordon frowned, looking Loki up and down. "Your power is ice?"

"So it seems."

He made an interested face and nodded. "Never had someone who had ice powers, but that's cool. Kind like my favorite X-Man."

"Iceman?" Skye asked.

Gordon nodded. "Well, just think about it. I'm not going to force you, but if you want to join us, just call. I'll hear you."

* * *

 _People are fragile things / You should know by now / Be careful what you put them through_

 _-Editors, "Munich"_

* * *

Four hours after Coulson had dropped them off, a horrified Skye and Loki stood outside the cabin and faced the destruction they both wrought protecting themselves. Bobbi knew this would work against them in the end with certain factions of SHEILD. She struggled to her feet, wondering if there was anything they could do to save Calderon's feet which were currently in two blocks of ice. Luckily he (and the other agents besides her) were all unconscious.

Bobbi was the only one spared.

"He was right," Skye whispered, clutching Loki's hand heedless of the cold that Bobbi knew was issuing through the magic glove Fitz had made (for some reason, one glove was still on). "We should have gone with him when he was here."

"Gordon," Loki whispered.

Before Bobbi managed to get her feet under her, an eyeless man appeared and took them both away in a blink of an eye. Bobbi sagged, raising her hand to her ear.

"We lost them. Another enhanced showed up and whisked them off."

"What happened?" Agent Weaver demanded on the other end.

"They got away," Bobbi replied, not wanting to get into the finer details. "We need medical."

"Copy," said another voice.

Weaver was likely arguing with Coulson about what to do now they'd lost their two prize enhanced humans.

That was if Coulson hadn't done something stupid, like rebel. Bobbi closed her eyes, knowing full well that if Coulson hadn't been on the coms, he'd gone rouge.

Again.

* * *

 _Make sense out of this madness will it turn out right / Who's to say where the wind will blow_

 _-Lifehouse, "Chapter One"_


	4. Our Liberties We Prize Part II

**Disclaimer: If you know it, I do not own it.**

* * *

 ** _Our Liberties We Prize and Our Right We Maintain (Part II)_**

* * *

 _And if the world should fall apart, hold on to what you know / Take your chances turn around and go_

 _-Lifehouse, "Chapter One"_

* * *

"You are something new."

Loki opened his eyes to find a woman seated next to him, staring at him as if he were a bug. Loki slowly sat up and realized they'd relieved him of his clothing and protective gear.

Not that it really mattered, as he's destroyed his shoes and left glove.

He sat up, letting the white sheet draped over him pool around his waist, keeping his modesty. Resting on his elbows he looked over at the woman.

"You're brave."

"I heal quickly."

"That's nice. I used to do that as well," Loki offered.

"I know. You're not human."

"No, but you don't see yourself as human either, do you?"

"I am Inhuman, but you are not. What are you?"

"I was a Frost Giant, also known as Jotun. I doubt you've heard of them, as this is a small world who only know the Chitari because the Avengers told them."

"A what?" the woman asked, wrinkling her nose in a familiar manner.

Loki cocked his head to the side.

"Frost Giant, only I'm a little person in their culture. Worth nothing so I was thrown out with the trash. Their world is dark, frozen. This skin, this is a skin of a Frost Giant." Loki pointed a bare foot at her. "Blue, rough, hard, and freezing. And they can do this."

Loki jerked his foot forward and shot ice in all directions from his various limbs. The woman jumped, looking scared for the first time. Loki frowned at the flat surface he was upon, moving to fully sit up now that it was mostly ice. He let the sheet fall and pool in his lap, looking at the woman.

"I have control issues."

"I can see that," she said, looking anywhere but at him.

Loki smirked. "I could do with training. Gordon mentioned you did this at this unknown location."

The woman looked back at him, pressing her lips together. Loki smiled wildly at her.

"We do. You and your…friend did not transform in the usual manner. Most transformations take place here and with the aid of friends and family. And there are years of training that occur before one goes through transformation."

"I took a short cut. Well, not really, as I am over a thousand years old."

The woman blinked. "You were alive when they Kree were here."

"Ah! You know where your magical prowess comes from!"

"It's not magic. They are powers," the woman corrected.

Loki scowled at his hands. "I do know that."

"You were magical?"

"Yes."

"Your name?"

"I go by Thomas."

"That's not your real name."

"Do you deserve my real name?"

"Raina says you are called Loki."

"Ah, I see you found her. I had wondered where she'd buggered off to."

The woman frowned at him. "You do not like her?"

"No. She's annoying," Loki said with a flap of his hand. Ice flew out and froze a piece of art on the wall Loki found ugly. He shrugged and looked back at the woman. "Can you find someone to aid me in harnessing my powers?"

"Yes. I fear we best do that even if you're not one of us."

"Tragic, I know. Always the freak, always the monster. Could I bother you for some clothing?"

"I never said you were a monster," the woman said quietly. "You're just not Inhuman."

Loki shrugged his shoulders up to his ears and let them fall. "Can you fix my nose?"

The woman looked mildly amused and nodded. "I will send someone in shortly. We've got a doctor who can regrow your skin easily and reshape your nose to your liking. There is a pile of clothing in that chair."

"Brilliant! I love it here already," Loki drawled, giving the woman a wide grin.

Granted he had no clue how he was going to dress himself without the gloves.

She gave him a strange look before rising from the floor and exited the room.

There was furniture in the room, but the woman sat on the floor. Interesting. Loki wondered where Skye was, but she was likely alone in a room just as he was. Loki investigated the clothes. Upon touching the folded shirt with his blue hand, it froze instantly, along with everything else in the pile plus the chair. Letting out a huff of frustration, Loki stood in the middle of the room and scowled for fifteen minute till the door opened and several people entered, one who was likely the skin doctor who'd regrow his nose. He smiled widely at the group. Two of the people blushed and looked away, while the elder one strode up to him and grabbed his chin.

"You are in need of a new nose," the woman commented, turning his head left and right. "A looker you are, aren't you?"

"Best looking man in the village and all that."

"I doubt you ever lived in a village. Mirror?"

One of the lackeys (who stared at the floor to avoid looking at Loki in all his naked glory) handed her a mirror. She didn't take it, simply rolled her eyes at the lackey. She looked at the pile of frozen clothes, let out a loud sigh. She looked at Loki, who went on smiling widely.

"My power, besides being a doctor, is I can regrow skin, cartilage, and bones. If you can believe this, I've actually done this a few times before. Hold the mirror so he can see what I'm doing. Don't want to give him a nose he doesn't like, now do we?"

* * *

 _When I was a man I thought it ended / When I knew love's perfect ache / But my peace has always depended / On the ashes in my wake_

 _-Hozier, "Arsonist's Lullaby"_

* * *

"Jaiying doesn't like you."

Loki was standing in an empty field with the doctor, who told him to call her Mary. He figured since she was the one dressing and feeding him until he got control of his powers, he could call her by her given name. She also was literally the only person besides Thor, his mother, and his personal servant who were not affect by the sight of his naked body, so parading around naked lost it's allure when she didn't react in any manner.

"No. Not many do. I'm an acquired taste."

Mary boastfully laughed. "Sure you are, Prince."

Mary refused to call him Thomas, insisting on calling him Prince. As long as she didn't add a _my_ he was okay with that. He was, after all, a prince. (Hence why he was perfectly all right with someone else dressing him. Someone else had dressed him for over a thousand years.)

"So, since she's iffy about you, no one wants to step up and train you. They're all jumping to train up her daughter, but you?"

"Ah," Loki said, nodding. "I figured as much."

"How? The girl doesn't even know yet."

Loki smirked. "The nose scrunch. I thought it was familiar. I'm good at picking out relations based on things people do without realizing it. There are certain traits children pick up and keep throughout their lives without even realizing it. Some are even picked up without the child's awareness of where the trait came from. Even though I've never witness it, I myself tend to move my hands in a very similar manner my mother did when she spoke. And we fight in the same style."

"You don't mean verbally, do you?"

"I was trained as a solider, so was my mother."

"You share things with your dad?"

"I'm sure I do, I will never see them," Loki admitted, talking about both Odin and Laufey.

"Well, okay. Don't tell her when you see her. Jaiying wants to tell her herself. Now, let's get those ice powers under control."

"How'd you get this job? Your power isn't similar to mine."

Mary laughed. "Sure it is, bub. When I first came through the mist, I was shooting skin out of my fingers and regrowing my own left and right. After I learned to control it, to be at peace with my new found gift, I stopped doing that. The growing bone and cartilage came later, after I'd been practicing. Now, with you, who knows what you'll be able to do once you harness the power and accept it."

Loki pressed his lips together.

"You're an alien, but not Kree, right?"

Loki nodded, feeling bitter. Mary didn't seem to care, unlike Jaiying and the others he'd seen at this strange place.

"Does the race you're from have similar powers?"

"As I've only met them a few times, I'm unsure how their ice powers work, but I do know they can turn their hands into ice knives."

"You've only met them a few times?" Mary asked, her eyebrows raising and looking shocked. "You weren't raised with your own folk?"

Loki shook his head. "I was adopted after my own people left me outside to freeze. I'm half human. About little over a year ago…"

Loki trailed off wondering how much he wished to share. If he did, she'd likely realize who he really was.

"Honey, I've put it together you're not named Thomas," she said. "I remember a pretty face."

Loki cringed. "Do the others know?"

"Not really. While they paid attention to what happened after HYDRA and SHILED blew up, no one really paid attention to the information published passed what pertained to us. There wasn't anything, as HYDRA kept it hidden what they knew. Kept it on paper. So they stopped paying attention, but I like watching the news. I saw them drag you and your boyfriend threw the mud till you seemingly vanished a year ago. Guess you went underground?"

"I joined SHEILD."

"And then got yourself in a temple with a Diviner. Good on you. Moving on."

Loki snorted.

"Can I still call you Prince?"

"It does not bother me at all."

"Good. Now, you learned to control magic once, right?"

"Correct."

Mary made a noise and flapped her hand at him. "This'll be easy once you accept yourself. Pretty sure, since you've been a magician for thousands of years, that's the reason you've yet to master what the Diviner gave you. You've not accepted it."

"Gave me? Cursed me with."

"Ah, see. There. Accept yourself and the rest will follow. I'm sure Frost Giants are able to touch things without turning them into block of ice."

"They are also fully covered in this blue stuff and have no human skin."

"Your mother managed to survive long enough to give birth to you. You think she was human, right?"

Loki nodded. "It explains my height and appearance. Even when I transformed into a Frost Giant, I did not look the same. I retained my…human features."

"Asgardian. That's what you were going to say."

"You know a lot."

"I like the news. I also remember almost everything. Horrible sometimes, useful others."

Loki nodded. "Steven has an eidetic memory."

"Sucks to be him. Okay. Not really. He's one juicy boy."

Loki glared at her as she cackled.

"I'm serious. He is a total beef cake. I'm jealous of the pair of you. My god…how do you go out in public together and not cause traffic jams?"

"Maybe we do. Shall we get to work? I'd like to be able to scratch my nose without needing your skills to give it back to me."

Mary smirked and nodded, reverting into a serious teacher.

* * *

 _In a rush we become some things we never thought we'd never be / We're surprised by how hard / Left weary and scarred_

 _-The Airborn Toxic Event, "All At Once"_

* * *

Mary watched him struggle, freeze the whole field, then create avalanches in his rage. Two days passed before Mary tried a different tactic. She knew what he needed to do and she couldn't do it for him, could not show him how to do it either. It was all up to him.

"Let it go," Mary urged.

Prince cast her a dark glare.

"I'll start singing," Mary taunted. "Actually, have you ever seen _Frozen?"_

"Yes. I have an…acquaintance who rather likes the movie for unknown reasons," Prince remarked, glaring at his blue hands.

"You ever really watched it?"

"Yes. I have seen it."

"No, I mean watched it, analyzed it, went online and looked through what hard core fans have picked out?"

The man gave her a look that was worthy of his nickname.

"So, I know the whole message of the movie is that love will solve your problems, but really, what solves Elsa's issue is she accepts herself for who she is."

Prince narrowed his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. He looked like a majestic ice prince. Mary had tried to give him a crown she'd fashioned out of some sticks, but he had looked so alarmed, she quickly threw it away.

"Seriously, just give it a thought. Yeah, she loves her sister, but she doesn't think anyone can accept her because of her powers. She's so afraid of herself, she winds up hurting herself and everyone around her. Think: when Hans tells her Anna's dead, what happens?"

"The storm stops."

"Yup. She was using the storm to escape, to go back to her mountain to be alone, but once Anna was gone, she wanted to die. Then what happened?"

"Anna froze."

"Exactly. She used her last strength to save her sister from Hans' sword."

"Love," Price sneered.

"No! I mean, yes, but think: when did Elsa had the greatest control over her power?"

"At the end with Anna's love."

"NO! When she ran away, when she was alone on that mountain top. She did things she didn't even realize she could do and had the utmost control. She built a castle and made an alive snowman for unknown reasons."

"And then a monster."

"Naw. He wasn't a monster, but he did embody her fear at not being left alone," Mary offered. "After she was gone, though, he stayed at the castle and hung out, didn't he? And wasn't angry any more. I mean, he found the crown and smiled, right?"

"Arendelle was still frozen when she was alone on the mountain."

"Well, she'd left. Her magic stays as she leaves it when she goes."

Prince gave her an annoyed look. "What is your point?"

"She was able to end the spell, get control, and stop randomly freezing everything she touched when she accepted herself."

Prince gave her a look full of doubt and annoyance.

"Trust me. She accepted herself and she stopped freezing everything. Anna accepted her, and the rest of her kingdom followed, and they all lived happily ever after."

"No one accepts me."

"Steve does. Your best friend does. And Thor does," Mary pointed out. "Your Avengers friends have all seen you blue, right? They're still your friends. Or did you just want your strange electronics and lone glove back because you wanted to watch porn? Granted, I've no idea how you get an internet connection here, but hey, I'm no techno whiz. Or are you in there talking to yourself about weird stuff?"

"I do not watch porn."

Mary quirked an eyebrow.

"Fine. People accept me, but this is different. The power is different, the appearance of myself is not the same. I am not a Frost Giant."

"Prince, you look the same."

"I do not. My hair, eyes, hands, feet…"

He scowled at his bare, blue feet.

"I recognized you," she pointed out. "I knew who you were with the white hair and ruby eyes. And I didn't know you that well."

He looked away, his arms hanging limply at his sides.

"You gotta accept it, own it, make it yours. Once you do, I bet you'll be able to build me an ice castle."

"Fine," he said, turning his back on her.

"I mean, I already know you can control the power somewhat."

"How?"

"I'm not frozen," Mary pointed out, gesturing around the rock she was sitting on. It was the only thing in the field not currently frozen solid. Besides herself. "You didn't freeze me or let anything near me get frozen, even in your hissy fit."

Mary noticed it, though she doubted even Prince realized it'd happened. She saw him accept himself, saw him realize what he needed to do to control the ice powers gifted to him. It was a subtle thing, like most accepting. He fisted his blue hands and flexed his blue toes. She felt a change in the atmosphere that had nothing to do with what Jaiying and her kid were doing on the other side of the mountain rang (yes, they'd felt the earthquakes the kiddo was causing, but it was hard to tell who was making the ground shake when Prince was having his own quakes thanks to his hissy fit). Prince took a deep breath, blew it out his nose in a controlled manner, and let go. His whole body loosened and he cocked his head to the side.

"Never sing to me," he warned, as the ground began to melt around him. "No matter how much you want to."

He gave her a grin that would freak most folks out, but made her laugh.

He built her an ice castle.

* * *

 _Who would have thought I'd ever let somebody get to me / Who would have thought I'd ever give a damn_

 _-Bonnie McKee, "Trouble"_

* * *

"It was weird," Skye said, looking around Loki's room. She'd not seen him since they had left the Hulk's Winter Retreat. She felt lifetimes had passed.

He looked good. He'd had his nose fixed and wasn't freezing anything with his bare blue feet or hands. And not once had he shot ice out of his limbs as she told him about her day with Cal and how horribly it'd ended.

She let a small smile grow across her face thinking about how far the pair of them had come since coming to Afterlife. She mostly had her own powers under control, as did Loki. Hell, he looked the best she's ever seen him. He was clam, collected, and at ease. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about him that seemed looser.

"Coulson's probably dying on the inside right now."

"Don't say that. I want to go after Lincoln, but Jaiying won't let me."

"The boy who was spying on you?"

"He was making sure I was okay," Skye said, shifting uncomfortably. "Cal's not exactly stable. God. I always wanted to meet my parents and one of them is crazy. Oh, I didn't tell you. Jaiying's my mother. Can you believe that? I thought she was dead. Hell, Cal told me she was dead. Well, he thought she was, or something. I'm not clear on the details since she said that Cal put her back together and her healing powers did the rest. Maybe he didn't hang around for that part?"

"You didn't inquire?"

"No. I was in shock. I found both parents, Loki. Can you believe that?"

"No. But, I am glad if you are."

"I'm not really sure. I mean, I like her. I can see her being my mom. See myself in her more than I see myself in Cal."

Loki nodded, looking distracted. Cool and calm, but distracted. Skye stared at him, still not sure what exactly had happened to transform him so much. Well, other than the obvious, but still. It was like his head was screwed on straight finally.

"Did you know Raina's here?"

"Yes. I was told shortly after I woke. I have not seen her."

"Oh. I just saw her."

Loki raised his eyebrows, which were still black, unlike his hair on his head.

As if speaking of her would call her to them, Raina opened the door without knocking, a wild expression on her face.

"I saw you saving Lincoln."

"Hark and thee shall appear," Loki snarked.

"What?" Skye asked, standing up. "You saw me?"

"Another power. I get visions of the future," Raina said, swiviling towards Loki and glaring at him. He smiled wildly. Raina turned her attention back to Skye. "I saw you saving Lincoln."

"Who else knows about your visions?"

"Jaiying and Gordon," Raina replied. " And Loki, now. We should speak to Gordon."

Skye nodded, turning to Loki.

"I shall remain here. Raina did not see me there, so I shall stay."

Skye got a strange feeling Loki was plotting chaos, but shook it off. She had someone to save.

* * *

 _The man with a thousand voices is talking perfectly loud / But nobody hears him / Or the sounds he appears to make_

 _-The Beatles, "Fool on the Hill"_

* * *

"I can't contact Jarvis."

"What?"

Raina was confused. Loki was in her room, looking wild, and telling her he was unable to contact Jarvis, whoever that was.

"Where is Jarvis?"

"Loki, you know I cannot control what I see," she began slowly, backing away.

There was a wild air to him that was worse than she'd ever witnessed in the time she'd known of him. She was honestly amazed ice was flying all over the place.

"I heard you speaking to Jaiying. You said metal men will pour out of the sky and the world will change."

Raina stared at him.

"You've not seen the news, have you?"

"There are no TVs here, Loki."

He made a disgusted noise and pulled a strange looking tablet out of his pocket and thrust it at her. She decided not to study it as when she took it, she saw flashes of Loki using it while seated next to a blond man who looked tense and was glancing left and right while wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. Loki was also blond, his hair standing up wildly in an artificial manner that made him look as if he had rubbed a balloon over his head. Loki looked at ease and was merrily using the tablet.

"Who is the blond guy?" she inquired, her questioned answered as she watched the video playing flash various images of the Avengers. While the top of his head was covered in the stock photo, she had just seen that jawline. "Never mind."

Loki grunted. "What did you see?"

"You and him seated at a bar somewhere while you used this thing and he was cagey," Raina replied watching the news footage with a frown. There were no metal men, well, the ones she'd seen, pouring out of the sky so she unsure why Loki was showing her. She looked up and found he'd relaxed a fraction. She turned her attention to the footage. She read the scrolling information at the bottom and frowned deeply. "Why did you believe I needed to see this?"

"Jarvis is not working," Loki repeated manically, his voice raising a few octaves. "He always works and he's not working."

"Who or what is Jarvis?"

Loki made an annoyed noise. "Stark's AI."

Raina's eyes went wide. "That's not good."

"The metal men you saw in your vision, what did they look like?"

"You think Stark's AI went rouge?"

"JARVIS? No. JARVIS would never go rouge."

"Because Stark designed him not to?"

"No," Loki snapped, fisting his blue hands together. She saw him take a few slow breaths before he continued. "JARVIS evolves. Stark designed him to learn, to be adaptable. He is able to care. He cares a great deal for Stark and what happens to him. That? JARVIS would not have caused that. It goes against everything he's programmed to do and everything he's come to be since his inception."

"This looks like the Avengers lost control of the Hulk."

Loki made an annoyed noise again and pinched the bridge of his nose. She waited for him to yelp, but he remained silent other than the noises of frustration he kept making as he tried to think of how to explain to Raina whatever he'd come to tell her.

She marveled at his progress. When he arrived, he froze anything he touched and shot ice out of his limbs when he got emotional or tried to use his powers. She had seen him freeze his own nose off (again). One of the doctors here with a healing power had regrown it for him (again), but it'd be disgusting to witness him loose his nose. Here he was wearing shoes (expensive ones), hands bare, and touching his nose in annoyance. No ice anywhere.

"You've come far," Raina commented with graveness.

Loki looked up. "Once I accepted what had happened, since I spent centuries training in the art of magic, it was simple to harness my natural abilities."

"Natural abilities?" Raina echoed.

Loki smirked without any humor.

"I was never fully human, and now I'm not fully Inhuman. Always the odd one out, I am," Loki seethed, taking the tablet form her, tapped his finger a few times on the screen before handing it back to her once again.

She gasped.

"You saw that, did you not?"

"How did you know? It was in the vision of the metal men," Raina breathed. "I…didn't know what it had to do with the metal men."

"Oh, no."

Loki sat down heavily on a padded stool. Raina watched as Loki did the thousand yard stare with large, ruby eyes. What little color he had, drained from his face. Even his dark blue hands seemed lighter.

"He didn't."

"What?"

Loki stood. He turned and exited the room, leaving Raina with the strange tablet. She turned it over and chuckled once she saw the back.

"No wonder he and Stark get along so well."

* * *

 _Enemies, well I don't think they ever sleep / Make our way until we see the light / Another day, another chance and it will be_

 _-The Subways, "Alright"_

* * *

Jim was pacing. Skye knew something was wrong, but refused to leave Lincoln alone while they were at SHEILD. She had saved Lincoln, with the help of the old team. She'd allowed SHEILD to care for Lincoln, but she was going to take him home once he was healthy enough for the trip.

She was unsure where she wanted to go, where home was. But to Lincoln, it was Afterlife. Or she thought it was. She didn't actually know where he lived, if she was honest.

"What is going on?" Skye finally asked. "You've been pacing for an hour while staring at your tablet."

"JARVIS is down."

"Stark's AI? How does he go down? Isn't he located in more than one location?"

Jim looked up sharply.

"What? I'm a hacker. And Stark's AI is almost un-hackable."

"Almost?"

"Well, he gets curious and sometimes lets hackers in a little. Also, Stark's paranoid, so of course he'd back up his precious AI at multiple locations. Especially after what happened when his Malibu house fell into the ocean."

Jim nodded. "JARVIS should never be down as he is currently. He's not working. Anywhere."

Skye stared at Jim with large eyes.

"And then this happened," Jim said, turning his tablet around to face Skye. She watched the footage as the Hulk rampaged in a city she didn't recognize. "The Hulk does not behave as this, not since he and the Black Widow came up with the Lullaby. Also, the Hulk likes Iron Man. Quite a bit. Something is not right."

"The Hulk tore up Harlem."

Jim closed his eyes. "Not on purpose. Not like this. It was not mindless destruction."

"He doesn't look mindless. He looks mad," Skye pointed out, flipping between news outlets to get better footage. She gasp as Iron Man (Or Iron Hulk, because seriously, that was some serious armor) and the Hulk took down a whole skyscraper. The fight ended after that, but she did catch the look on the Hulk's face when he came out of the wreckage. The camera zeroed in on him and he looked upset as he looked around. Till Iron Hulk knocked him out. Then he looked unconscious as Iron Hulk took the big guy away.

"I believe something was influencing the Hulk."

"JARVIS?"

"No," Jim quickly said, walking around Lincoln's bed and knelt down next to Skye. She looked at him while he searched her face for a beat before he made a decision. "Coulson sent the Avengers after Loki's scepter."

"Loki's…what?"

"When Loki brought the aliens to Malibu, he carried a scepter. This was what he used to brainwash people," Jim explained. "HYDRA stole it before the fall of SHEILD. Or well, they didn't really steal it, but someone non-HYDRA noticed it was missing, so even before the fall of HYDRA the Avengers were looking. It was with HYDRA at a base in Eastern Europe."

"And you know this because…"

Jim looked sheepish, but said, "JARVIS told me. JARVIS kept me updated on Captain Rogers movements."

"In order to tell Loki?"

"No, he tells Loki himself. Loki calls JARVIS once a week. He would have called this morning."

"Only, JARVIS wouldn't pick up? Wait, why does JARVIS tell you?"

Jim pressed his lips together. "I am unsure, but I assumed it was to get more information to relay to Captain Rogers. Loki likely didn't say much from how JARVIS was fishing when he spoke to me. Also, I believe JARVIS told me what Captain Rogers was doing to help us deal with Loki."

"He was still cranky as hell sometimes. Was that when his honey was out on the Hunt for Mind Zombie Stick?" Skye grumbled.

"Yes."

"How'd they get the information? Were they working alone? Or are they working with SHEILD on the downlow?"

"Agent Hill works for Stark."

"You think Hill is still working for SHIELD?"

"Correct. I believe she answers to Director Coulson."

Skye nodded, looking at Lincoln's still face.

"That's why when he was cranky, you were glued to his side, right? Because you knew Rogers was off being Captain America?"

Jim nodded. "I know he knew why I was doing that, but it helped. Loki is not meant to be alone no matter how much he claims he wishes it. He needs…people who know his quirks and care."

Skye swallowed. "He's alone now. I left him alone."

"Did you ask him to come with you?"

"No, not really. He chose to remain there. I don't know…Raina burst in telling me her vision and I knew I had to go."

"Raina gets visions?" Jim inquired.

Skye cringed.

"I won't tell," Jim whispered.

"The room is likely bugged," Skye grumbled. "And Simmons and Fitz have been staring at us since you got here."

Jim did not even bother to glance at the window looking into the med bay where Simmons and Fitz were looming. If it wasn't them, it was someone else. Skye ignored whoever was looking usually, but it being Fitz and Simmons unnerved her.

"It's not bugged and the microphone isn't on," Jim said. "I've got those anti-bug things in my pocket and disabled the microphone last night. Since they do not look alarmed, neither has tried to turn it on to hear our conversation."

Skye stared at Jim wide-eyed. "When did you go rouge, Nicholls?"

"When SHEILD fractured," Jim replied. "I know you do not know what is going on, as you've been away, but I do not trust anyone here farther than I can throw them."

"And no one trusts you?" Skye badly joked, remembering the rapping he and Coulson had done after the fall of SHIELD many moons ago.

"Oh, no. People trust me even after I do something to break their trust," Jim sighed, looking deeply troubled. Skye knew it wasn't because people still trusted him no matter what but whatever he did to break their trust that was bothering him.

"It's your face. And Smile Power. How many times do I have to tell you, you've got a smile that'll make the world fall at your feet?"

Jim glared without heat. "I will not tell of Raina's powers. All they will ever know is she's got a face full of spikes. But, speaking of Raina's new power, how is Loki handling his?"

"He mastered it before I did," Skye grumbled. "He doesn't even need gloves passed when he goes out in public. Ice no longer shoots out of his hands and feet at random and he's no longer freezing bits off himself. They fixed his nose. Regrew it with an Inhuman doctor who can regrow skin, cartilage, and bones. Thank god. He was looking a little…like he'd gotten bad plastic surgery."

"He is rather vain. It is good they did that for him," Jim agreed. "And he is not alone. He's…where ever you two were. There are others there, are there not?"

"True. But no one trusts us, or really talks to us. We didn't go through the transformation like they did, so they're not sure what to make of us. The leader accepted me quickly, but she's a little weary of Loki. Because he's not technically human, he's not Inhuman. She's not sure what to make of that."

"He didn't tell her what we guessed?"

Skye shook her head. "Loki doesn't trust her, I think. He likes Gordon and Lincoln and who ever helped him master his ice power, but he doesn't like Jiaying."

Which kind of hurt, but since Jaiying didn't care for Loki, she could understand why they didn't get along. Skye had told Jaiying Loki was like a good Scotch, but the woman hadn't replied, had simply smiled and changed the topic.

"He's always had issues with people in positions of power," Jim dryly joked, then sighed deeply. "He's discovered by now JARVIS does not work. He will be a wreck."

"You could call him, you know. He's got all his tech on him. I didn't have a phone on me because I left it in the cabin, but he's Loki and he had all sorts of doodads on him and I bet they work there."

"He's not called," Jim said, sitting up straight and pulling out his iLoki.

"Do you think it'd occur to him to call?"

"Yes. He always calls people when there's a crisis. Or messages them."

"If JARVIS is down, the Hulk and Iron Hulk are fighting, wouldn't he just assume the worst?"

"Yes, of course."

"Hey, do you think you could get information out of Hill?"

"Why?"

"So you could tell Loki that Steve's okay, duh. And, well, to know what's going on."

Jim blinked a few times, then smiled sadly.

"Come on, no one is going to tell you anything here. I bet they're all bickering about whatever or running around like chickens with no heads," Skye insisted. "Plus, I bet HIll would tell you if you said JARVIS was broken and Loki might go nuts if he doesn't get some information soon on Steve."

Jim stared down at his lap. "Wouldn't Loki call her?"

"No. He's not communicated with anyone other than JARVIS, right? He doesn't want them to know where he is. He ran away to join an organization they don't think exists. He wears a wig in public and always wears sunglasses even if it was raining."

Jim took a deep breath and dialed. He put it on FaceTime and waited while it rang.

"Yes, Agent Nicholls?" Hill's voice came. She sounded calm, collected, and expecting Jim's call.

Jim smiled. "JARVIS is not working."

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because people like it when I smile," Jim replied, smiling faltering.

Hill quirked an eyebrow.

"You've been trying to contact JARVIS?"

"Yes. He never contacted me with Captain Rogers' current condition. I assumed since the Hulk was rampaging, the Avengers had been involved in something. There was no footage of any of them other than Iron Man and the Hulk. I was worried, so I tried to contact JARVIS."

"Where's Loki?"

"Somewhere safe," Skye butted in, putting her chin on Jim's shoulder and looking at Hill. She was the picture of collected business woman. "We're just worried for his sanity. If JARVIS isn't working, isn't he likely to assume the worse?"

"Where is he?"

"You don't know?"

Hill pressed her lips together, eyes locking on Skye. Skye tried hard not to fidget or look guilty of something.

"You're back, so where's Loki?"

BINGO!

Hill was in contact with Coulson and still part of SHIELD.

"Agent Hill—"

"No longer an agent."

"And the sky is green," Jim remarked, trying the smile again.

Hill looked annoyed, pressing her lips together till they almost vanished into her face.

"Fine. Captain Rogers and the Avengers are alive." She glared at Skye once again before going on. "They came across two enhanced humans who did some damage. Mentally. Not physically. Physically they are all okay."

"What were their powers?" Skye inquired, trying to sound casual. While she didn't know everyone at Afterlife, she was familiar with many of their powers from asking too many questions.

"They're twins," Hill sighed, looking annoyed. "They didn't come into their powers like you and Loki. They signed up to be experimented on by von Strucker. He and his HYDRA goonies used the scepter to bring out the powers. They were the only subjects who survived."

Skye shivered at the same time Jim did. She glanced over at Lincoln, who'd been held captive by von Strucker and his evil doctor and experimented upon likely in a similar manner. She couldn't imagine what would drive someone to volunteer for that kind of treatment.

"So they're not…like Skye and Loki?"

"I don't know. We don't know much about the scepter or what powered it. Passed…"

"Stark found something," Jim realized, leaning forward towards the tiny phone screen and dislodging Skye from his shoulder.

"Don't hack into our systems," Hill warned. "I can't tell you the finer details, but Stark created a peace-keeping AI he called Ultron. Something happened and he made…a…"

Skye's eye went wide. "Oh, god. His peace-keeping AI is trying to end the world, isn't it?"

"Did Loki know about this program?" Jim asked.

"No idea," Hill grumped. "But, right now Ultron is everywhere on the web. He's trying to break in and steal the codes for the world's atomic weapons and missiles to launch them and wipe out the world, so yes, Stark created a robot bent on destroying the very world it was designed to bring peace to."

"Well, if we're all dead, there'd be peace," Skye remarked, sitting down heavily and on longer looking at the screen.

"Something is stopping Ultron from getting the codes, though," Hill admitted through gritted teeth.

"Someone's stopping him whose not Stark?" Skye asked, standing and looking back at the phone's screen to find Hill shrugging.

"There is nothing you two can do. Other than control Loki."

Jim glanced at Skye. She bit her lip, but said nothing. She could do some hacking/computer work to see who was keeping Ultron at bay. Though, if Ultron was already everywhere…she'd need Loki's laptop. It had to be around here somewhere since it was likely SHIELD minions had swept the cabin after they'd made their dramatic exit.

"Where are the Avengers now?" Jim inquired.

"Somewhere safe. They're going to lie low till we figure out the next move to take down Ultron."

Jim nodded. "Thank you."

"Tell no one. Except Loki."

"I won't, Agent Hill," Jim graciously replied.

"No one likes me here, other than Jim," Skye offered.

Hill sighed, rolled her eyes, and hung up.

"Stark created a nightmare," Jim breathed, dialing his phone. He waited a moment, looking tense, till someone answered. Skye couldn't hear what the person was saying, but it was a male voice and it was speaking quickly. "Yes, I just got off the phone with Agent Hill." Short pause. "Yes, I did. She did not tell us much, but Captain Rogers and the rest of the team are safe and waiting till they know what to do next."

Loki began talking again. Skye began to ponder where they minions would have stored Loki's magical laptop.

"Are you the one— you're not? Who is it then?"

Loki went on for another five minutes and judging by Jim's expression, he had no idea what the hell Loki was talking about. Skye grabbed the phone.

"— it has to be JARVIS, but I won't know till I go to nexus hub in Oslo."

"You're going to Olso?"

"Skye?"

"Yeah."

"If I can persuade Gordon to take me," Loki admitted, sounding bitter. "He and Raina are pow-powing. She's…accepted her power fully and has been using it to sway others to her side."

"Oh."

"I don't think Jaiying likes it. Especially since her right hand man is listening."

"Loki."

"Never mind. No one ever believes me. Anyway—"

"Anyway, what?"

Loki was silent for a full minute before he spoke again.

"Iron Man's been spotted flying over the Atlantic. I assume he's on his way to Oslo."

"Okay. So, you don't have to go. And why were you going to Oslo?"

"It's the central storage hub or something unbelievable that seems just perfect for a plot device for JARVIS to battle Ultron without anyone knowing it."

"There is a central hub for the Internet? Why am I just now hearing about this?"

"It's rather top secret. I only found out— JARVIS. Oh."

"Loki?"

"It is JARVIS!"

Skye could hear him tapping on a screen and let out a curse.

"Wish you had your laptop?"

"Yes. Do you happen to have it?"

"Nope, but I was going to go looking for it. Do I need to?"

"Yes. I do not trust others with it, so if you could I'd be grateful. But, I believe Stark will get what he needs."

"Okay, then, it's out of our hands. And, Lokes, Steve is okay."

"Hill did not tell you where they'd gone?"

"Somewhere safe. You could ask Gordon to take you to Steve. Pretty sure he glows or something because he's totally super."

"No."

"You've mastered your power."

"No."

"Yeah, you have."

"No, no I am not leaving Afterlife."

"Please don't say something is rotten in the state of Denmark," Skye moaned as Jim chuckled. She glanced up to see Simmons and Fitz had left. She looked back at Lincoln, who remained in a coma. "Please, just don't. There's nothing fishy—"

"There's plenty fishy," Loki insisted. "What's going on at SHEILD?"

"There's two factions of SHEILD," Skye sighed. "One led by Coulson, one led by some other old dude. If this thing ends well, they might become friends."

"Have they been asking about where you've been?"

"Yeah, but I haven't said anything they can use. I want to tell Coulson, but…"

"You are right to worry. Not about Coulson, but if he tries to make friends with this other fraction, you and Afterlife might be in danger."

"How will they find them? No one can get there other than Gordon."

"HYDRA can track Gordon. How do you think HYDRA found you when you had your day out with Cal?"

"How?"

"Science."

Skye grumbled. "You're grumpy."

"I am not grumpy. Is this how Cassandra felt?"

"Who?"

Loki let out a noise of annoyance and hung up on her. Skye pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at the now blank screen.

"Who was he talking about?"

"He asked me if this was what Cassandra felt and then hung up on me."

Jim looked baffled, but shrugged. "You should get some sleep."

"I'm staying here. Do you think you can find the laptop?"

"I did not say you needed to leave. There is another bed behind you and I will remain here while you sleep. You've not slept since you arrived."

"And the laptop?"

"I will look for it when you wake."

"Will you smile at anyone who walks in?"

"Of course."

Skye grudgingly went to the other bed and curled up. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping when Jim shook her awake.

"Did he wake up?" she asked as she tried to sit up but found her limbs not cooperating. She'd really been asleep for a long time. Eck. She needed a toothbrush stat.

"No. Something happened," Jim whispered, looking worried.

It was dark in the med bay, meaning it was the middle of the night. Rubbing her eyes, Skye sat up and blinked a few times against the light of the tablet Jim was extending towards her. She took it, taking in the multiple screens showing footage of an out of control train in Seoul and something happening in some city called Sokovia.

"How long have I been sleeping?"

"Twelve hours, give or take."

"You've been awake that whole time?" Skye asked, now understanding why she was so freaking stiff.

"No. I'm sorry. I fell asleep," Jim said, looking ashamed.

Skye sighed, looked at Lincoln. He remained unchanged, so she forgave Jim for falling asleep. She looked back at the tablet and noticed the flying metal men in both cities, but since the thing in Seoul had happened ten hours ago, she tapped one of the live screens of what was happening in Sokovia.

"Is that part of a city floating away?"

"Yes. That's the city where JARVIS said the Avengers were going before he went down."

"What the hell is going on?" Skye demanded, as the footage she'd enlarged was in a language she couldn't read.

"About an hour ago, the Avengers showed up and began to try to evacuate the city. They got most of the population out before the city center began to rise above the rest of the city and the metal men began to pour out of nowhere. There are still quite a few people on the—"

"HEY!" Skye yelled, then sheepishly looked at the sleeping Lincoln, though he was in a coma, so shouting likely didn't disturb him. "Hey, isn't that a hellicarrier? I thought they were all destroyed!"

Jim came around the bed and leaned over to see the screen. Skye would have invited him to sit down, but she doubted he'd do that. It was her bed, so he'd never sit on it. Skye maneuver herself so he didn't have to crane he neck.

"It seems one survived."

"Or someone built another one. At least it seems to be helping," Skye commented as the camera zoomed in on what appeared to be transport ships landing on the floating city island. "Jim, do you think what I think about what Ultron is going to do with the floating city?"

Skye looked up at Jim with big eyes. Jim sat down on the edge of the bed with a thump. They both stared at one another and with wide eyes they stared at the screen to watch the events unfold.

* * *

 _There was a time I was taking all bets / That this place was even better than as good as it gets / And now looking back from the outside in / I think I was choking on the air_

 _-Sara Bareilles, "Eden"_

* * *

Loki was not freaking out.

Loki was pissed.

While Gordon and several others wanted to go help the Avengers get the people off the floating city and send people to help, Jiaying forbad anyone from leaving Afterlife. Everyone crowded around Raina to ask her about her vision and if the planet lived to fight another day. She fully embraced the attention and told everyone about her visions and others she had while they all sat around waiting for news.

Loki clutched his tablet and sat in his room. He could see the people gathered around Raina from his sitting room, so he didn't feel the need to be outside. Plus, no one other than Raina and Mary knew he had tech that worked here and neither had yet told anyone. That Afterlife had no internet connection was criminal. He knew they had cable, as there was a TV in the public gathering area, but no one had cell phones or computers here.

He looked back at the tablet. He had only gotten an Internet connection due to making his super duper Leopold and Loki improved StarkPhone (his iPhone had met Death By Ice during his transformation) a hotspot. He was not going to sit amongst those in the common room glued to an ancient TV.

The Avengers had saved the day, at a great cost. The public at large was rather angry since finding out the cause was Stark. Between the thing a year ago with HYDRA and the hellicarriers, SHEILD's downfall, and now this, the politicians were jumping at a chance to "do something" about the "trouble brewing" in their great nations.

Loki tossed the tablet aside and stared out the window. Raina was speaking when Gordon jolted. The two talked further before hurrying off. Loki tilted his head, frowning.

* * *

 _I guess it's time for me to show what I've got / Things will never be the same / I may snuff the burning flame / Or I may prove to be much more than I thought_

 _-Weezer, "Brave New World"_

* * *

Everything went to hell in a hand basket.

Loki knew it would.

After Jaiying stumbled out of the room she'd been meeting with Agent Gonzales (alone), he went inside, finding the broken bits of what formerly had been Agent Gonzales. Loki narrowed his eyes and swept outside as missiles were fired on Afterlife by a Quinjet.

He pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes.

Chaos broke out and everyone ignored him in their haste to flee or get into fights with the remaining SHEILD personnel. Loki strode off towards where the Quinjet was hovering. The ground shook violently, sending Loki to his knees. He got up and hurried towards where he was sure the epicenter was, only to find Skye gone and May unconscious. Simmons came tripping around the corner.

"May! Loki!"

"Agent Simmons, what is going on?"

"I was going to ask the same thing," Simmons remarked, skidding to a halt next to May. "Is she okay?"

"Yes. And Jaiying has declared war, having invented the need herself," Loki proclaimed.

Having become used to being told he was wrong about everything when it came to Jaiying, who could do no wrong, he was surprised when Simmons nodded.

"Agent Morse never showed up and none of our agents are answering from the Quinjet that just shot at us," Simmons replied. "If Jaiying is making up that Gonzales shot her—"

"He's dead. She dosed him with a crystal. I found the broken bits on the table and Gonzales in pieces on the floor. There was no way he could have shot her where she was shot and have crumbled as he was in the time frame. The dust from the crystal was gone by the time I entered, so he'd been long gone by the time she'd shot herself."

Simmons stared at him with wide eyes while chaos continued to reign around them. She looked unable to conceive herself someone would shoot themselves to start a war.

"We need to find Raina," Loki urged. "I can carry Agent May."

"Raina?"

"She got on Jaiying's bad side. She was locked up to prevent her from interrupting the meeting. Raina saw that if Jaiying met with SHEILD it would destroy the Afterlife. As usual, Raina was correct."

Simmons nodded, hurrying after Loki. They didn't make it far before one of the residents tried to attack them. Loki shot ice out of his foot, ruining his shoes, but preventing the person from harming them. The person quickly hobbled off, giving Loki an evil look. Loki returned it.

"I think we should get out of here," Simmons suggested, tugging on Loki's sleeve. "I…the Quinjet landed. We should go figure out what happened."

"Agreed. I have no wish to remain here."

"And Raina?"

"We will find her later."

Simmons nodded, leading the way to where the Quinjet landed. They entered to find the agents manning it unconscious and Zabo sitting in a jump seat tied up and wearing headphones. Loki carefully set Agent May down on the floor before heading to the cockpit while Simmons checked the unconscious agents. One shakily pushed himself up when Simmons touched him.

"Were there any other SHILED agents here?" Loki demanded as the man sat up.

"We lost one. The man with no eyes, Gordon? He grabbed him. We need to call the Playground," the agent said as Simmons came to stand next to Loki. "Uh, should we take him?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Jaiying was trying hard to get rid of him, so we ought to take him. Leave him tied up, though. Who knows what she told him to get him to agree to this."

"Could that be because he's insane?" Simmons suggested.

"He's her husband," Loki stated, happily watching Simmons' jaw drop.

"Is Jaiying…"

"Yes," Loki shortly said. "Did she not tell you?"

"I didn't exactly speak with her much when she was at the Playground," Simmons admitted, looking sheepish.

Loki leveled her a glare. "We are still who we were before."

"Are you, though?"

"Can you fly?" Loki demanded of the agent on the ground.

"Not advisable," the man admitted, swaying. Simmons knelt down and grabbed the First Aid kit.

Loki strode into the front of the plane. He had not actually flown one, but read the manual. It would have to do for now. "At the core, we are still who we were."

"She went with them," Simmons pointed out, dapping the cut on the other man's head.

"She's being manipulated by a great manipulator who happens to be her mother. As someone who spent most of his life being a chess piece by a great game, I can understand how she'd fall for it."

"Odin manipulated you?"

"Every leader manipulates those who will aid in furthering their cause," Loki darkly said, setting the Quinjet's corse and putting on the autopilot. He turned to Simmons. "Jaiying is a leader and is manipulating all of the Inhumans to do what she believes needs to be done in order to protect their species. She is not right, but try telling that to those she's helped with what appeared to be selflessness is pointless. Trust me, I've tried."

"She's building an army," Simmons surmised. "Has been for a long time, hasn't she?"

"Correct."

"But, they seemed so peaceful," Simmons recounted.

"Most of them are. Most want to be left alone to enjoy their lives. And I have a feeling they went home."

"Home? Wasn't that their home?"

"Not all of them. Many only go to Afterlife to visit and enjoy the company of those there. It's like an all exclusive resort," Loki explained. "Some live there, but most do not."

Simmons sighed and slowly nodded. She asked the agent a few questions, then nodded. She stood and turned to Loki. "We should call the Playground. They need to know what happened."

* * *

 _It's ourselves that we betray / How has it come to this / We are but drones, silenced, led amiss_

 _-Trivium, "Blind Leading the Blind"_

* * *

Skye panted, wrapping her arms around herself.

"She was just like Ultron," she blankly said, rocking back and forth. "More crazy than Cal."

Jim was in front of her, his worried blue eyes filling her vision.

Whoa. Where had he come from?

"She said the same thing that crazy, homicidal robot Stark built said," Skye whispered, trying to get lost in those baby blues.

Jim said nothing, but held his arms open. Skye fell into them, burying her face in his chest. He felt strong, solid, and god how she'd missed his smell while she'd been away.

"I picked the wrong side. Why do I do that?"

"She was your mother," Jim quietly said, pressing his chin to the top of her head. "Love is blind."

"He's right, sweetie," Cal said from above her head somewhere. She heard him fall heavily to the ground, panting. "I let her become what she was. I let her…"

"She did that on her own."

"Not all on her own," Cal insisted. "Before HYDRA she was gentle. After…she was poisoned, I just did not want to see it."

"The fight is over," Jim offered. "I left Campbell and May after they defeated the last of the Inhumans. None lost their lives, that I know of, other than Jaiying."

"She wouldn't have stopped unless she was dead and there was no way for her to use her healing power to come back," Skye said. She pushed herself off Jim's chest, but didn't venture out of his arms. She looked over his extended arm at Cal, who looked worse for wear. "That's how her healing power works: she sucked the life out of things."

Cal nodded. "She didn't need to kill the other person. She started that only after HYDRA."

Skye felt extremely sad and angry. She looked back to where she'd pushed the plane off the deck of the ship.

"This isn't going away. I might have made this worse," she whispered.

"Why? What happened?" Jim asked.

"I pushed the plane with all her crystals over the edge of the boat," Skye whispered. "What's going to happen to the crystals?"

Jim let go of her and stared at her, his blue eyes wide. She began to hyperventilate. Jim quickly pull a bag out of somewhere and handed to her. He spent two minutes trying to get her to calm down.

"You didn't know. You were simply trying to get rid of them. People have dumped lots of things into the ocean to get rid of them."

"Yet, they don't really ever get rid of them, do they?" Cal unhelpfully offered.

"Hush," Jim growled before looking back at Skye. "If we're lucky, it fell into a trench and we will never hear of it again."

Skye gave him a dark look from over the top of the bag. She was not that lucky.

* * *

 _I ran away from my mistakes / Crashed and burned but I'm okay / The most important thing / Learning what it all will bring_

 _-Falling In Reverse, "My Heart's to Blame"_

* * *

"Are you going home?"

Loki looked up from his packing to see Skye leaning against the doorjamb.

"No."

"Then where are you going?"

"The Avengers' Headquarters."

Skye rolled her eyes. "Then you're going home."

"What is home?"

"Where the heart is, stupid," Skye said, pushing herself upright. "Your heart is living at the Avengers HQ."

Loki went back to packing and chose to ignore the girl in the room.

"Coulson's given me an assignment. I'm to head my own team of Inhumans," Skye said. "I was hoping you'd be on it, but if you're leaving…"

"I do not know if he'll welcome me," Loki quietly admitted, stuffing things into his bag. He was unaware he'd gathered so many items in the year and half he'd been with SHEILD.

"He might not," Skye agreed. "But, if he loves you like I think he does, he'll let you stay and prove you are aren't a complete waste of space."

Loki straightened and glared at Skye.

She threw up her hands. "I'm not saying I ever thought you were a waste of space, but admit it. When you first got here, you kinda thought you were."

"I wanted to kill, beat, and bash things," Loki flatly stated. "I did not think I was a waste of space."

"You've always thought you were a waste of space. It's the whole reason you wound up here in the first place."

Loki opened his mouth to argue, but Skye put her hand up to silence him.

"You were depressed."

Loki looked away. "Would you not be?"

"You had it all, Lokes. You had it all and it was ripped away from you. And that's happened to me. For a few minutes I had it all. Everything I ever wanted. I had a family, Lokes. A real family."

Loki studied Skye, narrowing his eyes.

"It was an illusion, though. And nothing I'd dreamed of and now it's over. Mom's dead, Dad doesn't know who I am, and all I've got left is my name."

"Your real name?"

Skye nodded. "Yeah. I'm going to go by it now. Daisy Johnson."

"No more Skye?"

"No. My dad's not a bad guy, not really. He was…well, mislead and, well, HYDRA."

Loki nodded his understanding.

"He gave me that name, so I'm going to use it. Skye was something I chose for myself, since I had no name as far as I was concerned. I always figured once I found my real parents, then I'd find my name and take it. Claim it for myself."

"And you have."

"Have you?"

"I am Loki Laufey-Odinson. My name says it all."

"Does it?"

Loki cocked his head to the side. "Explain."

"Well, your Asgardians take your father's names and add son or whatever daughter is in your tongue, right?"

Loki nodded.

"You never really met Laufey, did you? I mean, sure you saw him when you killed him, when you tricked him, and when he called your brother a princess, but he's not your actual father. You are not his son, so why is he part of your last name?"

"He is my father," Loki said, feeling confused. "His genetic code gave me all this."

Loki held up his two blue hands, held up one bare blue foot, and blinked his rusty red eyes at her.

"That's it. That is all he gave you, Lokes. Genetic code?"

"And what did yours give you besides genetic code?"

Skye, or rather Daisy, smiled sadly at him. "He showed me what it really was to love someone so much it drove you insane, drove you to become a monster you didn't even know, but you could come back from it and do the right thing in the end. Even if the right thing was killing your own wife."

Loki blinked.

"You didn't hear him, Loki. All he wanted was to be a family, to know me, to tell me how our life was before HYDRA ruined it," Daisy said, stepping forward till she was right in front of him. "Did Laufey give you that?"

"No."

"Then, I ask once again, why is he part of your last name?"

"He is my birthfather and that is really—"

"Then why is Odin still there?"

Loki pressed his lips together.

"Most days, you can't even admit he is your father. Most days, you seem to detest the man, but besides not telling you were adopted, what did he do that was so horrible as leaving you out in the cold to die?"

Loki said nothing for a long time. "I was a pawn."

"Were you?"

"At first."

"No parent is perfect, but I'm sure he didn't manipulate you to start a war against mankind, did he?"

"Didn't he?"

"I don't think so. I know you like to think Odin manipulated you your whole life into becoming who you are, but really, Lokes, think about it. What did he do other than let you into his home?"

Loki noticed she didn't say love him, which he was thankful for as most days he was still unsure Odin could love a Frost Giant, yet another aspect of Loki knew that Odin did love him in his own way. He knew it'd never be in the manner Loki craved, but it was there and the proof was he was currently on Earth. Loki would never have been on Earth as he currently was if Odin hadn't allowed him to leave in the first place to seek help.

Loki sat down on the bed and stared at the wall opposite.

"Just food for thought."

"Loki Odinson," he whispered. He'd not used that name since the day he let go and fallen into the Void.

"Or, if you want, you could be Friggason, or whatever."

Loki looked up.

"What? Why can't she get in on the action of being part of your last name? While you're never sure of where you fall with Odin, you love your mother. You always have, no matter what."

"True."

"And no one knows Loki Friggason. Or would it be Friggson? Friggson sounds better, but Frigga was her name, so…uh, help me out here."

"It'd be Friggason," Loki whispered.

"Well, why leave her out yet take Laufey?" Daisy challenged.

Loki stared at her. "Would you take something Jaiying gave you?"

Daisy removed a necklace from under her shirt. "She gave me this and I will wear it. It was hers from before HYDRA."

Loki looked away. "No one knows Loki Friggason."

"No one will be looking for him either. You don't look like the Loki they're looking for. Or were looking for. I think they've been a little distracted from you as of late."

"True. Though, I did make the news yesterday."

"Did you have white hair, red eyes, and blue hands and feet?"

"I do not have white hair at the moment."

"No, you colored it blond for some reason. Why did you do that?"

"Raina told me she saw me with Steven and I had blond hair. Only doing what I have to in order to assure it comes true since she will not be sharing visions with the world any longer."

Daisy nodded, folding her arms across her chest and studying Loki. "Go home, Loki Friggason."

Loki looked up at her. "I think I will."

* * *

 _Time will tell us if we're out of answers when it stops / Climb back down to the beginning / Take it from the top_

 _-Lifehouse, "Chapter One"_


	5. Fresh Air and Memories

_A/N: This story had a single theme song and it's the only song quoted between the sections. I did go and find the original songs and credit the artists (it was sad the number I didn't know off the top of my head and had to look up). Anyway, blame working out for this idea as it came to me during my workout while I was listening to this song— which I love. My friend turned me onto this polka after a break up and she told me I needed some Angry White Boy Polka._

 **Disclaimer: If you know it, I do not own it.**

* * *

 ** _Fresh Air and Memories Served Daily_**

* * *

 _Can't think of anything to do / Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeing / She's just looking for something new_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (The White Stripes, "Fell In Love With a Girl")_

* * *

Sebastian needed to be useful, so he decided he would learn how to cook. Jess was unable to cook. She couldn't even boil water on the stove without burning it somehow, so cooking would be a useful skill to acquire.

He started his research into cooking by using Google. Google was the greatest invention of all time. Type anything into the little, blank bar and knowledge was at your fingertips.

Sometimes too much.

After hours upon hours scrolling through YouTube, Pinterest, and other How To websites, Sebastian found what he really wanted: a class.

Sebastian wanted to subject himself to a group of people.

Upon realizing this was why the YouTube videos weren't cutting it, he panicked and spent two hours lying on the floor of his room staring at the ceiling trying to process he wanted to subject himself to people other than Jess.

James Buchanan Barnes must have been a social being at heart. Hardwired in, as Sebastian seemed to want to know other people, be around them, and enjoy being around these strangers. He craved it like he yearned for caramel lattes. (Oh, man, where had those been his whole life?)

He brought it up to Jess when he picked her up from the salon. Jess did not drive due to an accident she suffered while behind the wheel while under magical mind control. Sebastian had no issue, as he understood not wanting to do something one had done while not fully in control of their actions. He also enjoyed driving and taking her to and from work made him useful. He liked being of use as well.

"You want to meet other people?" she asked, sounding disbelieving. "I thought you wanted to go HYDRA hunting."

"I do go HYDRA hunting. I went last week."

He did not _like_ HYDRA hunting, but he wished to rid the world of them and the other organizations doing this job were not doing it fast enough. He had no wish for HYDRA to steal another human being and turn him or her into an Asset, so he went HYDRA hunting.

"Okay, well, what do you want to do? I'm not taking you to a bar. You can't get drunk."

"I want to take a cooking class. Be useful."

"Aw, Seb, you are useful. You taxi me all over town and you clean the house. I mean, you _clean_ the house."

She stared at him with bug eyes, as he was a little thorough in his cleaning. Evidently, when one cleaned a house you didn't wipe it down for prints and bleach all surfaces.

(Do not bleach carpet.)

(Unless it's already white.)

(Or maybe not. He didn't know, as Jess did not have white carpet and now it was yellow.)

("No one wants yellow carpet, Seb. It looks like pee!")

"Okay, fine. I'll admit, it'd be nice to eat real food," Jess sighed, twirling the little curl that formed at the tape of her neck. "I mean, since I moved up here, only when people visit do I actually eat meals that aren't frozen or take out. Or in the summer when my neighbors push food on me. Lizza's got a garden that just loves to produce too many cukes and tomatoes."

"I will sign up for a cooking class. Confirm."

"Confirm."

"I have Googled cooking classes in Anchorage. There are several."

Sebastian produced the printouts, handing them to Jess. She shuffled through them with a bewildered look on her face.

"Okay. Do you want me to go with you?"

"Confirm."

"Okay, they'll need to be at night," Jess reminded him.

He nodded, producing the night class he had found. She gave him a skeptical look, but shrugged her consent.

* * *

 _Do what I want 'cause I can / If I don't because I wanna / Be ignored by the stiff and bored because I'm gonna_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (The Hives, "Hate to Say I Told You So")_

* * *

He could cook. It was easy to follow the directions and his instincts understood what to do and got stronger. With each passing class, he realized James Buchanan Barnes was a kitchen wizard.

He liked class. Besides gaining (rediscovering) useful skills, he liked being around the few classmates. The classes weren't big, only three or four other people. No one was scared of him, no one questioned why he wore a black glove over his left hand, and no one pressured him to speak at length.

He received praise often, as he was excellent at cooking. Sebastian found he enjoyed praised for a job well done.

He wanted to tackle baking next and signed up for those classes. Jess did not join, as she said if she burned cookies and cakes it'd break her heart (after setting a pot of water on fire, she was banned cooking in class. She would come, watch, and eat).

Baking class was nice, though, even without her. He was careful to keep his distance and was glad the baking instructor was the wife of the cooking instructor and knew that sometimes he needed to be called by his name when he got a far off look on his face and sometimes he had to lie on the floor. And not to touch his left arm.

Sebastian had noticed the people of Anchorage knew how to handle vets and were sympathetic to those who suffered from PTSD, which Sebastian was sure he suffered even if he'd never been formally diagnosed. Or maybe not the entire city but at least the people at cooking class and the people in the coffee shop he went to sometimes didn't seem bothered when he had to lie down on the floor or he jumped ten feet into the air and brandished whatever pointy object on hand.

"You love it here, don't you?" Jess asked one weekend while Sebastian honed his baking skills at home. He was baking a cookie recipe he found on Pinterest.

(Pinterest was great. It was full of recipes. And cleaning tips. And decorating tips. Jess had come home and looked mildly confused when Sebastian had informed her he'd feng shui-ed. She was pleased when he replaced the carpet while she was at work with cork and laminate.)

(Laminate was easier to get clean than carpet and cork looked interesting as a flooring option.)

"I do enjoy it here," Sebastian agreed. "It is peaceful and the people are kind."

"But, it's cold," Jess pointed out. "Figured the cold would bother you."

"The cold never bothered me anyway," he instantly replied.

Jess snorted and smiled.

 _Frozen_ was his favorite movies.

"I'm going to get fat from all these cookies and cakes you're baking all the time. Next thing I know you'll buy a deep fryer and start making doughnuts."

Sebastian looked up at her with bright eyes. "Where can I get one of those? I bet Amazon has one."

Jess beat her head against the kitchen bar.

* * *

 _But I'm on the outside / I'm looking in / I can see through you, see your true colors_

 _-Wierd Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (Staind, "Outside")_

* * *

It wasn't all fun. His memories came in spurts, and not all of them were pleasant cooking related memories (he loved those, as they featured his mother and another woman he was pretty sure was Mrs. Rogers. She looked a lot like Steve Rogers). Sometimes he woke screaming after remembering the time he shot a child through the head having mistaken it for a German solider, sometimes in the middle of cooking or baking class he'd be hit with a memory of from the barracks and black out. One time he held Jess by her neck and pressed her against the wall, screaming at her in Russian to leave him alone and let him die.

He hid in the closet for twenty-four hours till she was able to coax him out. He wouldn't look at her for a week, till she shoved him down the stairs. He didn't fall as he caught himself before he even stumbled, but he was so shocked he'd looked at her.

She was well, no bruises where there ought to after being held tightly by a metal hand.

"I don't heal like a normal person, because I'm not normal," she reminded him. "I'm doped up on this fire drug, mythical apples, and also half alien. While I'm not Steve, I'm not your average, breakable human being whose lucky to be breathing."

"And that's that," he automatically finished. (He did not like Limp Bizkit, but was unable to tell Jess he did not care for their angry yelling she enjoyed.)

Jess smiled and his heart twisted.

He needed to leave.

But, he couldn't leave.

Instead, he baked her a double dark chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting. On top of that, he decorated it with chocolate sprinkles. He thought it was too much chocolate (which he did like, but not in excess—unlike caramel, which he could eat in excess), but she loved anything that went overboard.

"You didn't need to make me a make up cake, Seb," she sighed when she'd walked in the door after work. "But, thanks."

She kissed his cheek and hurried to cut herself a piece. Sebastian hung the keys up and tried to figure out what was going on. His chest as it was fluttering and he was pretty sure too much blood was rushing to his face.

* * *

 _We are, we are the youth of the nation / We are the youth of the nation_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (P.O.D, "Youth of the Nation")_

* * *

Taking out HYDRA cells did not take a lot of time. Sebastian received via Loki (he assumed, as the emails claimed to be from Loki's iPhone) locations HYDRA cells. When he asked Jess, she had assured him the laptop was the most secure thing on the planet because it was from Other Earth ("Loki stole two MacBooks. TWO! And he didn't give them back like he said he was going to!") and that since he was a super spy, it was likely he'd tracked Sebastian down and somehow gotten his email address.

It creeped Sebastian out, but it was the first location he went to and HYDRA hunted went without a hitch, so he decided Loki's tips were legit.

The current batch Loki had sent were overseas, which proved to be a problem. Sebastian knew better than to use any of the HYDRA issued IDs he had happened upon in various HYDRA safe house he'd over turned on his way here (it was shocking the Asset needed so much identification if he was simply a weapon HYDRA aimed at people they didn't like).

Loki solved the problem for him.

"Here, you've got mail," Jess said one day, frowning deeply.

The envelope was addressed to James B. Barnes.

"It's Loki's handwriting," Jess said, looking at the package as it might explode. "I'm kind of jealous. Since he ran away to join SHEILD, I haven't heard from him. He emails you and now he's sending to you stuff. I'm his supposed best friend."

Sebastian stared at her. She sheepishly smiled, shaking the envelope.

"Sorry. So, it feels like a passport, that saucy little minx. And an iPhone. Or iLoki as he's calling the ones he builds. He must like you."

Sebastian ripped into it. Sure enough, it was a strange looking phone and a passport, using an image of Bucky Barnes smiling with an updated hairstyle. He shrugged mentally, thinking he could smile more if he had to. He glanced at the name.

"How did he know my name?" Sebastian whispered.

"Remember I told you that you looked like an actor? Well, that actor was named Sebastian Stan and he played Bucky Barnes in the movies on my world. He also played the Mad Hatter on _Once Upon a Time_ , which was where I really knew him from. It wasn't until I got here and realized Jefferson looked all kinds of wrong that I realized Sebastian Stan must have had a role in Marvel movies."

"He would assume I'd choose that name?"

"No. He likely picked the name of the actor who played you back on my world as a joke or something," Jess explained. "He wouldn't have known you'd taken the name. I didn't tell him."

He squeezed her hands again then let go. "I needed this. I will thank him."

The next day, Sebastian left the country for the second time, this time on a plane and somewhat legally. He did not like flying on a commercial planes, but thanks to the drugs Jess had grudgingly given him, ("This is highly illegal. Like, I could go to jail. If only you'd go see a doctor and get your own") he was able to put up with sitting in the metal tube, crammed in like sardines with other adults. And screaming babies.

Actually, he did not mind the screaming babies. Upon noticing he did not mind, he got up and asked if someone would switch with him so he'd be next to the screaming baby. Someone quickly volunteered and Sebastian happily sat down next to the screaming baby.

"Sorry," the woman apologized as her son wailed till he saw Sebastian. He instantly fell silent. The woman looked surprised, but seemed grateful. "How'd you do that?"

Sebastian shrugged. "Babies don't like the pressure change."

"I know! I read about it, I tried everything."

The baby continued to stare at Sebastian.

"You know, you kind of look like that guy…that guy who died that was part of the Howling Commandos. I can't remember his name, but his picture was everywhere with Captain America when they started the Smithsonian exhibit. I bet you get that all the time."

"I do, ma'am," he agreed. He reached out a finger on his flesh hand towards the baby. The baby instantly latched on and pulled the finger into his mouth.

"Ryder!" the woman scolded.

"It's fine."

The child sucked on his finger for the remainder of the flight to Japan.

* * *

 _We're the renegades of funk / We're the renegades of funk / We're the renegades of funk_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (Rage Against the Machine, "Renegades of Funk")_

* * *

"I like children."

Jess stared at him blankly.

"They seem to like me. I am not sure why. They should fear me. Most adults do."

"Children see through your outer shell and see a man who likes to bake cookies, can frost a mean cake, and knows all the words to every song in _Frozen_."

Sebastian eyeballed Jess for a moment before he went back to making mini caramel apple cheesecake cupcakes, but stopped humming "Let It Go."

"I have gained ten pounds since you started baking and cooking all the time," Jess complained.

"Work out."

"Urg," Jess groaned, flopping onto the newly acquired kitchen table. Cooking meals required a meal area, not a breakfast bar. "I don't work out. I've got as much grace as Bella Swan."

"Sounds like she ought to be very graceful," Sebastian commented, drizzling caramel over the tops of the cupcakes.

He looked up when Jess did not respond to find her looking at him as if he had ten head and six arms.

"You didn't read those yet?"

"Read what?"

" _Twilight_."

"No. They were not on the list you gave me of books to read," Sebastian reminded her. He was not much of a reader, but he sloughed his way through her suggestions. Slowly. He was still working his way through book four of the Harry Potter series. It was the book that never ended.

"You kept that? I made that while I was drunk," Jess sputtered.

"You were drunk?" Sebastian asked, pausing in dribbling caramel.

"I made it for Jim shortly after he got here. We went out and he didn't know anything, so I made him a list while we were at the bar, but then he went off with SHEILD and never came back," Jess bemoaned. "Everyone leaves me for SHEILD."

"Stop being melodramatic. I will not leave you for SHEILD."

Jess didn't respond, so he looked up once more to find her smiling at him sadly. This smile made his chest hurt. He did not like this smile. She should not smile that way.

"But, you will leave," she quietly said to the table top, still smiling sadly.

"No. Why would I leave?"

"Steve."

"I don't want to go with Steve. Steve wants Bucky. I am not Bucky."

"Steve would like Sebastian," Jess pointed out.

"I am not Bucky. Steve wants Bucky."

Having had this augment many times before, Jess sighed and stared at the table before she stood and left the room. Sebastian, flustered, went back to drizzling caramel. When she finally returned, she had her laptop and claimed it was high time he see something epically bad.

That night he learned he loathed _Twilight_ but above all Bella Swan.

* * *

 _Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind / Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine / Nothing's all right, nothing is fine_

 _\- Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (Papa Roach, "Last Resort")_

* * *

At one point, the Asset had questioned what _love_ was. Sebastian had no idea who the Asset had questioned, or why he was questioning anything, but Sebastian did remember really wishing the Asset understood love.

Sebastian did not understand love, even with all the early memories filled with loving people.

Steve loved Bucky. This Sebastian accepted without fail. It was a fact. But, just because Steve loved Bucky did not mean Sebastian understood why Steve was searching the globe for Bucky. Sebastian watched from afar as the man ran himself ragged hunting down the scepter Jess had used as a fire witch (at least that was what Sebastian hoped they were looking for, as he knew HYDRA had it (how he knew he had no idea) and they should not have something like that) and follow the leads he got on the HYDRA cells Sebastian was taking down. Steve and his friend (or just the friend) always showed up within a few hours after Sebastian finished clearing out a HYDRA cell. Sometimes it was a few days, but usually hours. (Steve could somehow travel faster than Sebastian could, as how did he globe trot so quickly?) One time, they literally passed each other. Luckily it was in a heavily forested area, so Sebastian was able to quickly climb a tree when he heard Steve crashing through the forest shouting at his friend.

If Steve was the definition of love, it meant trying to kill yourself finding someone who did not wish to be found.

Sebastian did not understand.

Google thought love was something romantic, having to do with relationships between two people who were attracted to one another.

Steve was not attracted to Bucky, as he was in a romantic relationship with Loki— or he'd been in one. Sebastian wasn't clear on the status of that relationship now that Loki had run away to SHEILD. Jess said that Steve and Loki were sickeningly in love, so they'd work their problems out, but Sebastian did not comprehend how they'd work out with Loki hiding from Steve and Steve not bothering to look for Loki.

Watching television didn't help. _Sherlock_ told him love was a chemical defect found on the losing side (this made sense to the Asset side of him, though he could not explain it), while _Days of Our Lives_ told him people did lots of stupid things in the name of love and it always ended badly.

There were many songs about love, lots of them. Too many for Sebastian to get through. And many of them he could not stand to listen to or even understand even if they claimed to be in English.

Love seemed to be very important and it frustrated him to no end he didn't get it.

"What is love?" Sebastian finally asked Jess one winter's night while they ate reindeer stew.

"Huh?" Jess asked, looking up at him.

Her hair was no longer blonde, but light pink. Well, except where her dark roots were showing. Sebastian liked it.

"What is love? I have Googled it and the results were overwhelming and confusing."

Jess blinked at him.

Sebastian sighed and went back to eating.

"It's an emotion," Jess tried. "Usually strong. You…care a lot about something when you love."

"Like…family?"

"Yeah," Jess said, nodding frantically. "Love is…I've no idea how to explain it really."

"Yes, I'm getting that feeling," Sebastian admitted. "I have read it is a profound emotion and it is vital for human beings to feel loved. I do not know if I am…I do not understand."

Jess looked at him with huge, green eyes. He studied her carefully, guarding himself against pity, but there was no pity expressed in her eyes. Only wonder.

"Androids do not love," Sebastian explained. "Like on _Stat Trek: The Next Generation_. Data does not love. Maybe I'm an android. I do not…care enough about…"

He wasn't sure where he was going with that.

"You're not an android."

"Data wondered about love."

"Data wondered about a lot of things," Jess pointed out. "You're human. You bleed, you fall down, and you get back up again."

"I bleed and fall down. I'm only human."

Something short circuited in his head.

When he became aware of his surroundings once again, he was on the floor staring up at the ceiling with a worried Jess hovering over him.

"What happened? Usually you only go down on the floor when you have a panic attack, but you were very calm before…well, you fell out of your chair."

"I'm only human."

"Uh, yeah."

"I bleed."

"You do. Not for long, but you do bleed."

"And I fall down."

"Uh, sure. What is going on, Seb?"

Sebastian slowly sat up, a song ringing in his head, rattling around on the edge of his mind.

"Human. Song. Confirm."

"There are several songs…oh."

Jess fell backwards and landed with a thump. She looked pained.

"I didn't."

"You did not what?"

"I did something to you when I was an orange fire demon," Jess clarified. "What did I do?"

"Unknown. Only…I'm human. I'm only human. Just a little human."

Jess mouthed the words, jumping to her feet. She came back with her iPhone, the strange thing that came from her own Earth. Her fingers flew across the screen and suddenly tinny sounding music came out of the tiny speakers.

And he knew it.

Word for word.

"I know this song. Why do I know this song?"

"Likely because I made you? I had the spear Loki used to make his drones…" Jess trailed off. "Why are you wondering what love is?"

She sounded scared.

"Because while I was the Asset, I wondered. During that last day…part of me….loved something. The Asset did not understand. I wished to understand."

"Do you know what…made the Asset want to know?"

Sebastian shook his head. "It's not very clear. I think something the redhead did impressed me. But, I disliked her quite strongly as well."

"Natasha brings that out in a lot of people."

"The redhead."

"Yeah. Natasha."

They stared at one another.

Sebastian liked looking at Jess. He found her looks pleasing, especially her smile. She wasn't smiling.

"What?" Jess worriedly asked.

He smiled at her, hoping to provoke one out of her. She looked more worried.

"Why are you concerned?"

"I used the scepter on you!" she exclaimed. "Neither one of us knows what I did, but what if…"

"What?"

"You're my mind drone?" she whispered, putting her hand over her mouth and looking as if she wanted to vomit.

"I am not a mind drone. I have no idea what you want," he pointed out. "I do not know what you want me to do."

"Then what did I do to you?"

"Made me remember that I was human, just a little human," he filled in, pushing himself up and getting to his feet. "You told me I was James Buchanan Barnes and Steve Rogers was my friend."

"I didn't…tell you to trust me or anything?"

"Most of what the orange woman said made no sense, but she left the song, James Buchanan Barnes, and Steve Rogers is my friend."

"You remember the orange woman?"

"Bits and pieces," he admitted. "Like everything else, there's nothing solid. Except when she brought me to Anchorage at my request. I have not seen her since."

Jess nodded. "Have you been knocked out since…I last used it?"

Sebastian thought about it. "I believe Steve knocked me out on the hellicarrier. You…did not press the specter to my chest before you left me there."

"I just left you?"

"Steve had to save me. I had to see him do it," Sebastian realized. "That was why I remembered him."

"Oh."

"I didn't know what to do with myself after till I realized I knew your eyes. That's…that is all."

"You travelled all the way to Anchorage from DC because you thought you knew my eyes?"

Sebastian nodded. "That and you said 'first avenger.' I remembered that from somewhere. I am not sure where as of yet."

"Okay. So, love?"

"I will inquire with someone else," Seb assured, finishing his stew.

Jess didn't finish hers, but spent the rest of the meal staring at him while chewing on her thumbnail.

* * *

 _I'm gonna get free, I'm gonna get free, I'm gonna get free / Ride into the sun / She never loved me, she never loved me, she never loved me / Why should anyone?_

 _\- Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (The Vines, "Get Free")_

* * *

He asked Maria. She taught the baking lessons and had been married to the same man for twenty-seven years.

"Love, sweetheart? You don't know what that is?"

"I am unsure what I feel can be categorized as love."

Sebastian knew that was the best way to frame the question to someone who did not understand who he was, as teenagers and children often asked how their parents knew they were in love. Or what love was, or how to know when they were in love.

"Ah," she smiled knowingly and smiled at him fondly. "It's the girl you live with, right? Nice girl, disaster in the kitchen."

Maria shook her head, befuddled.

Jess perplexed everyone when she set foot in a kitchen.

Even though Jess was not why he wished to know what love was, he nodded.

"When you fall in love, everything makes sense," Maria offered, looking a little sappy. "People always say you just know that you're in love. Tragically, it's true. It's a wonderful feeling, makes you feel lighter than air. Sometimes, it can hurt."

"Hurt?"

"How much you care, it can hurt. But, it can be a good hurt."

That made no sense.

"But, if you care for someone, think of them often, put their needs above your own…"

"You've watched _Frozen_ ," Sebastian proclaimed, suddenly remembering the scene where the snowman explained love to Anna. "I forgot. And now I remember."

Maria stared at him, frowning.

"Olaf's explanation is a better explanation than a chemical defect," Sebastian happily declared.

Maria stared at him with a strange look on her face, but the timer on the oven went off and the sugar cookies were done.

* * *

 _So I (what'd you do?) / I turned around (right around) / "Oh, baby, gonna be alright" / It was a great big lie (big old lie)_

 _\- Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (The Strokes, "Last Night")_

* * *

Jess went to New York for Christmas. She asked him several times if he was going to be fine on his own and he assured her that Maria had invited him to her home to celebrate with her husband and their children. He did not tell her he had turned the invitation down, as while he enjoyed Maria's company, he did not want to spend a family fueled holiday with a family.

He remained at home and watched _Frozen._

"So," an oil slick voice sounded right as Elsa began to sing "Let It Go".

Sebastian leapt to his feet, drawing his gun and pointing it at the man who had somehow broke into the house and gotten behind him without Sebastian noticing.

The man didn't move an inch. He remained relaxed, his hands in his pockets and a crooked smile on his thin lips.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

"I'm Loki and I'm here to see you," he easily replied.

"Loki?" Sebastian asked. "As in…Loki Laufey-Odinson? Jess's best friend? The one who sends me on HYDRA missions?"

"Yes."

Sebastian loosened the hold on the gun but did not lower it.

"Do you have a mission for me?"

"No. It's Christmas."

Sebastian frowned.

"I've no one to spend it with, nor do I care. As I'm not from this planet, its celebrations are a bit beyond me," Loki offered, casually moving forward, hands still hidden in his pockets. "Ah, _Frozen._ I'm not overly fond of that movie."

"I like it."

"To each his own," Loki offered. "I would suggest a more holiday themed movie."

Sebastian lowered the gun a little, eyeing the other man. He looked like the photos Jess had of Loki, only he was gaunter and had longer hair.

He looked terrible.

What did Steve see in this man?

"I know Jessica owns it," he went on, going around Sebastian. "She loves the movie to death, so she brought it with her. That and Harry Potter."

"Feelings on Harry Potter unknown due to incomplete data."

"Of course," Loki agreed, fishing through the bin of DVDs that sat under the TV. Sebastian kept the gun out, but lowered it fully. "Ah, here we go."

He extended a DVD case towards Sebastian. He took it in his free hand.

" _Love Actually_?"

"Yes. It's a movie all about love," Loki drawled, flopping down onto the couch and taking up a lot of room for someone so thin. "I heard you've had questions on the topic. Did Jessica not show you this?"

"No. The topic made her uncomfortable."

Loki raised an eyebrow.

"I asked someone else."

Loki looked at the TV, sighed, and folded his arms across his chest. "Well, if you plan to get your definitions of emotions from entertainment, you mustn't forget _Love Actually_."

"I was avoiding things with the word in it," Sebastian admitted. "I will watch this when _Frozen_ has concluded."

"You will."

"Confirm."

Loki stared at him for a beat before looking back at the TV.

Loki remained throughout the day, watching the movie with him (so complicated, so complicated, yet simple), and eating all the cookies in the house.

"There are many types of love," Loki said after the last of the cookies had vanished between his thin lips. "I'm sure people have told you this, or you've figured this out."

Sebastian nodded. " _Love Actually_ contained many types of love."

"Correct. But, it comes down to what you feel, Sebastian. Love cannot be quantitated or explained. You just…love. Even when you wish you did not."

"Confirm."

Loki turned himself to face Sebastian where he sat in an uncomfortable chair (because Loki took up the whole couch).

"So, Sebastian, who do you love?"

Sebastian looked at Loki blankly.

"No one."

Loki rolled his eyes and sighed over dramatically.

"You love Steve, yet you are here."

"I am a danger to Steven," Loki darkly replied, fluidly getting to his feet.

Sebastian followed, frowning deeply.

"I have always known this, but was foolish enough to think I could have him."

"You cannot?"

"No. The world hates me, even at this time of year and after littering the world in Birkin bags with a side of charity," Loki sighed. "They likely always will."

"Steve loves you."

"I know."

"I do not understand."

"And you never will."

* * *

 _Get up, come on get down with the sickness / Madness is the gift that has been given to me_

 _\- Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (Disturbed, "Down With the Sickness")_

* * *

"What is happening?"

"I don't know."

"Is this for real?"

"I hope not."

"The Hulk was rampaging around Africa a few days ago."

"You believe it is connected?"

"Yeah."

"Where do you think they came from?"

"I've no idea. Loki is being silent. Has been for weeks."

"Confirm."

Jess made an unhappy face, but went back to watching the live broadcast of…whatever was happening. There was an army of robots in Eastern Europe that seemed hell bent on killing the human race led by a larger robot who wanted the world to be at peace. From its rantings it posted online, Sebastian thought the robot had a major God complex.

"What the hell. They look like a bastardized Iron Mans," Jess muttered. "I can't watch this any longer. I'm going to go boil some water."

"What? Deny! You cannot do that!"

"In the tea kettle! I can use the tea kettle! I've never melted it, set it on fire, over boiled, exploded it, or anything!"

* * *

 _Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy / Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie_

 _\- Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (Kid Rock, "Bawitdaba")_

* * *

It occurred to him when he received a picture instead of an assignment from Loki that maybe he did feel love. He stared at the photograph that had arrived in the mail, wondering how Loki had taken it. It was of him and Jess at the grocery store doing their weekly shopping trip. Jess wasn't looking at Sebastian, but excitingly gazing at the baked goods on display. Sebastian had no idea why she seemed to think the cupcakes sold at Fred Meyers were better than his (they were not). However, what drew his eyes was not the look of bliss on Jess's face at the thought of the vanilla bean cupcakes, but his own face, his own expression as he looked at her. He had thought he'd been looking at her in an exasperated manner, but he wasn't.

He wore a fond expression. A tiny smile, eyes twinkling.

He looked like a dope in love.

Flipping the photo over, he read the message Loki had written.

 _Look familiar?_

Sebastian snorted. It did, in fact. He'd seen that expression on many TV shows, movies, and photos since he'd started his quest to discover what love was, to define it, and understand it.

He did not understand.

He never would. Just as Loki had said.

But, he did get why his heart flipped and raced at the sight of Jess's smile, why he cared so much for her welfare, and why he put up with her buying Fred Meyers vanilla bean cupcakes when he could make them better.

He loved her.

He felt warm and fuzzy.

Just like Maria had said.

He also was greatly content.

He slid the photo into one of the frames in the room that had held an art print Jess claimed he might like (he didn't). He smiled at the photo, nodding.

* * *

 _'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady / All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating / So won't the real Slim Shady please / Please, please stand up_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (Eminem, "The Real Slim Shady")_

* * *

"I remember everything."

Jess startled, blinking at him.

"Everything everything?"

"Everything about life before I fully became the Asset."

"Your time as, uh, the Asset?"

"That's less clear. I believe they erased missions after the fact, so I had less time to hold onto those memories than the ones I made before the train. It's just bits and pieces."

"You didn't have the train ones long," Jess pointed out.

"Longer than any mission memories."

"Oh."

"They didn't begin erasing until long after Steve was dead, once they realized that even though…he was dead, I wasn't gonna give in."

"Oh," Jess said, looking very pained. "So, uh, you remember yourself as Bucky now? Fully?"

"Confir— I mean, yeah. I do."

Jess bit her lip. "So, you're going to be Bucky now?"

"No," he quickly said. "I'm still Sebastian. I just remember bein' Bucky Barnes."

"Oh. Okay."

"It's been over a year since the events of DC. My memory is as recovered as it's gonna get."

"Gonna get?" Jess asked, looking as if she as constipated.

Sebastian took a step towards where she was standing behind the breakfast bar. She backed away from him. He stopped moving forward, frowning.

"Yeah," he agreed, working hard not to say _confirm_. "What's wrong? You look like you gotta shit but can't."

"Gotta shit but can't," she echoed, her eyebrows moving impossibly high on her forehead. "Uh, no. I'm fine. Perfectly fine. Fine. Totally. So, you still want me to call you Sebastian?"

"You never call me Sebastian. You call me Seb."

"Oh, well, yeah, but you don't want me to call you Bucky?"

"No. That'd be weird."

He went back to his cake batter and started mixing again.

"What is that?" Jess asked.

"Apple cake. Steve loved it when we were kids," Sebastian recalled. He made a thoughtful noise and poured it into the cake pan. "I changed it up a little from what I remember. Doubt he'd like that, but things are different now. Well, I guess I could get lard. I saw it somewhere."

"Uh, yeah. Lard," Jess echoed. "I'm gonna, uh…"

"Are you sure you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm just…going to go to, uh, REI. I need skis."

Jess grabbed the car keys and ran out of the house. Sebastian stood blinking at the still opened front door as he heard the car start. He watched dumbly out the front door as the car backed down the driveway and squealed as it drove off.

Jess didn't drive.

Why was she driving?

"She doesn't ski," Sebastian realized. "It's also spring."

Granted, if she went into the mountains, she could cross country ski, but she didn't enjoy hiking ("Unless I'm going to find another Tom Hiddleston look-a-like, but then again, that ended with a head injury") and she'd likely have to hike to find skiable snow.

Also: she did not ski.

Sebastian finished making the apple cake, making notations on what he'd changed from the recipe he'd remembered with startling clarity that morning.

It was as if that memory was the last thing he needed to break through some sort of force field that had been living in head. It'd left him breathless as Bucky Barnes returned full force.

He could be James Buchanan Barnes now, could likely fool Steve into thinking he was the man the guy was so desperate to find.

He wasn't going to, though. He still was the guy he'd been creating for the past year: Sebastian Stan.

Sebastian Stan loved to bake but didn't like to bake bread, Sebastian Stan had PTSD and spent an abnormal amount of time casing a room for snipers, lying on the floor in order to feel something solid at his back, and drank too many caramel lattes. Sebastian Stan also loved one girl, just one.

Sebastain Stan. Eh, he didn't like that right now. It was fine before, but…he was also Bucky Barnes.

Sebastian remembered liking to dance, loved talking to other people, meeting new folks, and being best buds with Steve Rogers. He remembered feeding Stevie constantly (always feeding Stevie), caring for Stevie (when he let him), punching idiots who picked on Stevie (or Steve picked on them for picking on someone else), and praying to anyone listening that Stevie wouldn't wind up in the hell hole Barnes had found himself once he'd arrived in Europe.

Sebastian Barnes.

Hey, that had a good ring to it. And it combined who he once was and who he was now.

Sebastian sat down at the breakfast bar and pulled out the box he kept all his various recipes successes and filed the apple cake one away. Flipping to the area where the frosting recipes were stored, he looked for one to go with the apple cake. Mrs Rogers never frosted the apple cake she'd make, just drizzle something sweet over the top, usually a little simple syrup she'd spike with some cinnamon or nutmeg, as making frosting was a little overkill during the Great Depression.

Hmmm, cinnamon icing. A little powder sugar, milk, and cinnamon. That'd work.

He missed Steve. There was a hollow spot in his metaphorical heart where Steve belonged.

Maybe it was time to let Steve know he was okay and where he was?

For the first time in over a year, thinking that thought didn't sent him into a panic.

* * *

 _This time I'm 'a let it all come out / This time I'm 'a stand up and shout / I'm 'a do things my way / It's my way, my way or the highway_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (Limp Bizkit, "My Way")_

* * *

Jess returned several hours later, long after the cake had cooled and was frosted. The newly created cinnamon frosting went with the apple cake wonderfully. Sebastian couldn't wait to show Maria.

"You want to go back, don't you?"

He looked up at her from where he was reading the last Harry Potter book. (They were on a never ending camping trip.)

"Go back where?"

"Don't play dumb. You remember being Bucky. You can go back to Steve."

He stared at her for a long time before he shook his head. "I'm not leaving you, doll. But, I think it's time to let Stevie know I'm okay and where I've been. I know he'd be thrilled if I just showed up, but he's livin' with all those superheroes now and I can't just go and break in, so I gotta think about how I want this reunion to go."

"You could just break in."

"Yeah, the Winter Solider isn't gonna break in. I don't think so, doll."

"Fine."

Jess sat down at the table across from him.

"What do you want to do?"

"Loki crawled out of his hole he's been hiding in," Sebastian told her. "Got an email about an hour ago. This is the last one, then I'm done."

"But, it's HYDRA. They've got all those heads."

"And I keep cuttin' them and they keep poppin' up. I'm tried, Jess. So freakin' tired of all the blood. I never wanted this, never wanted to be a solider. You know, I didn't enlist. I lied to Steve and the twerp never figured it out."

"The fandom did," Jess whispered. Sebastian quirked an eyebrow and shut his book. "I saw a post on Pinterest on Other Earth about your army number. If you'd enlisted it'd've started out differently."

"Yeah. I guess that stuff is public knowledge now, ain't it?"

"Yeah," Jess said slowly.

"Never wanted to be a solider and now that I know this, I can't un-know it, ya know?"

"Sure," she said looking at him funny.

"What?"

"You're accent is different now. I noticed it this morning, but thought I was just hearing things, but I guess it makes sense."

"It's different?"

"Yeah. You're full on Brooklyn now, no longer flat and area-less. And you're using a lot slang. You didn't do that before. And contractions."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's just a little weird to see you do a full turn into Bucky Barnes overnight. It wasn't like a casual slip or anything. You went to bed Sebastian and woke up Bucky."

"I'm still Sebastian. I just remember Bucky now. And I guess sound like him."

"No, you remember. You are Bucky Barnes, okay? I know you used to tell me you're not, but you are and it's freaking me out."

He shrunk back into himself.

"No, no. I'm sorry. God, Seb, I'm sorry."

He couldn't speak, due to the amount of hurt he was feeling.

"Yesterday, you were Sebastian. And you're still Sebastian, okay? I get that. But, you're also Bucky and it's just jarring and I don't know how to feel, okay? It's really crappy of me, but I feel like I'm going to loose you."

"Why?"

"Well, if you go let Steve know where you are, then, well, this is over."

"No it's not. I'm not going to be a superhero. I'm still the same guy I was yesterday, only with a head less full of swiss cheese. Like I said, I remember everything pre-brain wipes. After that, all those decades I was the Asset, it's still swiss cheese."

"Oh. Okay. You really want to stay here?"

"I like it here. I mean, maybe I should look into my own apartment."

Jess gave him a complicated look that he didn't want to analyze.

"Steve would come here," Sebastian said, standing and heading into the kitchen. "If you call him, ask him to come, he would. We could surprise him!"

"He will kill me for knowing where you are for a year and not telling him while he chased after your coattails."

"Yeah, you're right. He's an idiot. We'll go to him. I mean, you visit him right?"

"Not since he moved out to the middle of nowhere New York State after the Ultron thing. He moved out there after Stark finished revamping his warehouse into the new, shiny headquarters. I'm not sure why he couldn't stay at the tower, but whatever."

"Well, then, we'll go there and visit him."

"Fine."

"After I get back. Book two tickets to NYC."

"Okay. How are you going to get through the metal detector?"

"I've gotta note. How do you think I've been flying for a year?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"So, buy two tickets and we'll go surprise Steve."

"He won't like it."

"He won't care. He's getting me back," Sebastian pointed out.

"What do you wanna be called?"

"Seb," he quietly said. "I like it when you call me that."

"What are you going to call yourself?"

"Sebastian because James will just confuse poor Loki, as what's he gonna call Nicholls if he can't call him James?"

Jess snorted.

"Okay. You really like Sebastian?"

"Yeah. It's different. Only Sebastian I knew of was a saint Stevie told me about," Sebastian said. "I always liked when he told me those stories. My family wasn't Catholic, so I was kind of fascinated by the whole Catholic church. It was so…different from what I got told at Sunday School."

"Same here, though I didn't know anyone who was Catholic. Well, no one who was currently practicing. We did this getting to know other religions thing when I was in junior high and went to all these other churches in the area. Kinda cool. My favorite was the synagog, but I think that's because there were doughnuts. But, I read about the Catholic church, especially after I read the Dan Brown books. Boggles my mind."

"Steve was really into it as a kid, but after his mom died, he stopped goin'. I couldn't get him to go and I felt like I failed him somehow."

He frowned, remembering those days after the funeral, how Steve kept pushing forward and refused to do anything he'd done before his mom had died. He tried to push Bucky away, so he'd told him flat out that he'd be with him till the end of the line.

Thank god he'd sat that and meant it so much. Pretty sure Steve repeating those words was what really snapped the programing more than getting whacked on the head.

Anyway, to prove his point, Bucky threw himself into doing things he enjoyed and dragged Steve with him. Steve went along broodily, but slowly started doing things he'd done before. Mostly getting into fights, but he was smiling and laughing, drawing and cartooning again, so Bucky put up with the alley brawling.

If he didn't go to church any more, it was no skin off Bucky's back, as Bucky didn't go to church too regularly either since moving out from under his mother's thumb.

"He still prayed," Sebastian remembered. "He carried around a rosary during the war. Not sure he used it or if it was just a memento of his mom. Pretty sure he hid it from everyone but me, as it was a closely guarded secret Captain America was Catholic and an Irish immigrant's son."

"Like Kennedy, only that wasn't a secret," Jess amended. "Also, was Joe Kennedy an immigrant or was he second generation? I don't remember. I'll Wiki it."

Something flashed before Sebastian's eyes. Green hills, warm air, people cheering. It was gone before he could figure out what it was.

* * *

 _I don't think you trust in my self-righteous suicide / I cry when angles deserve to die, die, die / D-d-die die die die die hey_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (System of a Down, "Chop Suey")_

* * *

It'd gone all wrong, of course.

The trip to Thailand had gone well enough. He'd had no issues there. It wasn't until he'd gotten back to Bangkok he ran into trouble. First, he'd noticed Natasha Romanov lurking around and had to avoid her. Second, HYDRA was hunting for him, likely knowing he was behind all the bases blowing up without warning. Third, there was some hot shot kid who was pretending he was the new head of HYDRA was also sniffing around. Fourth, there was some sort of task force from unknown origins after him.

He ditched his cell phone, mourning for it as it was a special one Loki had made for him, but he hoped in ditching it, Loki would realize something was wrong and send let Jess know something was wrong.

He ran.

He ran across mountains, through jungles, over boarders until he was able to smuggle himself from Russia and into Alaska. He thought he was home free when he realized he was being trailed. He could not lead them to Jess, so he hoped a plane in Anchorage. He picked up a burner phone and did mean to use it once he landed and was sure he'd lost his tail, but his tail caught up with him and he never was able to put out a call for help.

* * *

 _I fell in love at once and almost completely / She's in love with the world / Sometimes these feelings can be so misleading_

 _-Weird Al Yankovic, "Angry White Boy Polka" (The White Stripes, "Fell In Love With a Girl")_


	6. Sounds Good To Me

**_Disclaimer: If you know it, I do not own it._**

* * *

 ** _Sounds Good To Me_**

* * *

 _That's the way that it goes / Everybody's buying baby clothes / That's the way it ends / There was a time when I thought he and I were friends_

 _-Gillian Welch, "The Way It Goes"_

* * *

Tony peeled out of the gravel driveway (to get that old world country feel) and headed towards the paved road that'd take him back to the open highway.

"FRIDAY, turn the music up. Driving music," he instructed. He was looking forward to the mind clearing drive home. He wasn't all that sure why he'd driven up to visit. Okay. Fine. He missed being an Avenger. He would miss it. Did miss it?

Oh, introspection was so bad for him.

Pepper wanted him out of the superhero business. She wasn't happy, so he wasn't happy. And now with flying Vision man, they didn't really need him. Plus, they'd gotten War Machine—somehow. Didn't Rhodney have, like, military commitments? He was always telling Tony he couldn't do things because the _AIR FORCE_ sent him to some horrible desert location without reliable internet. Or they were doing something else stupid. Like paperwork. Or mandatory fun.

And that was totally a thing the Air Force did: Mandatory Fun.

"You cannot bring world peace by yourself, you idiot!" Pepper had screamed at him when she'd heard the whole story. "I'm not sure you can tell the difference between destroying the world and saving it!"

At least she had listened to his side of the story before yelling at him.

Then didn't speak to him for a whole week till he told her about building an Avenger headquarters far away from his own home and taking a break. While he felt a little bad kicking out Natasha and Steve, he built them killer suites at the new headquarters. Steve loved his. Tony wasn't sure if Natasha had decided to feel anything yet about anything. She might never feel again.

Thanks a lot, Bruce.

Dumb Bruce.

Tony was pissed his science brother had fled.

"STOP!"

He wasn't sure why he'd screamed, as he was more than able to hit the break peddle, but FRIDAY brought his Audi to a screeching halt and the guy who was walking along side the road looked up, taking in the orange car before he smirked.

"Stark," a familiar voice greeted as Tony fell out of the car, almost forgetting to take his seatbelt off in his haste.

"LOKI!"

Tony walked up and slugged the guy as hard as he could in the arm.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

Loki appeared bewildered, though Tony couldn't see his eyes through the super dark sunglasses covering those stupid eyes Steve STILL waxed on about when he thought no one was around. It wasn't even all that sunny. Though, it'd been sunny till Tony had left. It was like the moment Steve Rogers had gone inside in all his perfect glory, the clouds moved in.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN AND WHAT THE HELL DID YOU BRIBE JARVIS WITH SO HE WOULDN'T TELL ME?"

Loki cocked his head to the side.

"I did not bribe JARVIS with anything. I told Steve where I was going. It is not my fault he didn't either believe me or JARVIS was unable to find the playground."

"You were at a playground for the past year?" Tony doubtfully asked.

"Not a playground, the Playground. It's what the SHILED HQ is called. Do not ask me why."

Tony blinked several times behind his own sunglasses. (His were rose tinted, ha ha ha.)

"You're back?"

"If he will take me back. If not, I shall go back to where I came."

"Asgard?"

"No, the Playground."

"Seriously? That's what Coulson decided to call it?"

"No. I believe that was what it was always called. I am unsure who named it, but it was not Coulson."

"Whatever. You gonna be an Avenger? That's what Steve's all about these days. He's training a new team now."

Loki cocked his head the other way.

"Why are you blond?"

"So no one would know it was me. It seems to have failed, as you recognized me."

"I'm a genius."

"Are you now?"

"Always."

Loki sighed, turning away from Tony. "Did you learn nothing, Stark?"

"Did you?"

"I learned to accept myself and all my faults," Loki replied, bringing up his left hand, which was incased in a black leather glove.

In the middle of summer.

"What gives with the gloves?" Tony asked to avoid answering Loki's original question.

Loki turned away from Tony, holding his hand out in front of him like Wanda did before she shot red stuff out. The No Longer Wizard flicked his wrist and the glove split in two and moved towards his wrist, snapping to his wrist before ice shot out of his hand and froze a tree next to the road around the trunk in the shape of a very iconic skirt that flew up over a subway grate. Loki flicked his wrist again and the glove replaced itself on his blue hand.

His hand was freaking blue!

"What the hell?!"

"I've been transformed," Loki drawled. "And I am sure more will follow, as the substance that caused this fell into the ocean."

Tony stared at him with wide eyes.

"Is that why you've come back? Because we're going to be a shit load of trouble because you threw something dangerous in the ocean."

"I did not throw the objects in the ocean," Loki corrected, looking furious. "I was elsewhere on the ship fighting other Inhumans when Agent Johnson was left little choice in order to prevent something much worse from occurring."

"Inhumans?"

"Enhanced humans. Some of them wish to be called Inhumans, as they believe they are not humans or enhanced, but another species."

Tony blinked. "What?"

"No, I did not return due to them," Loki blithely went on, fixing the cuff of his shirt. "It was time. Running away is never the solution, hiding is never the answer, and accepting who I am has shown me I've gone about this all wrong. I missed him."

"He misses you like whoa to the point it's annoying," Tony groused. "Seriously, if Pepper ran away on me, I don't think I'd still be hung up a year later."

Loki didn't look pleased, but he didn't look happy either. Tony folded his arms across his chest and moved his feet to be a little wider apart. He stuck his chin out and stared Loki down.

"So, you came home because you missed him?" Tony challenged. "Nothing else?"

"He is home," Loki answered. "Though, I did miss you greatly, Stark."

"You did not."

Loki shrugged.

"Steve's home and you ran away from home."

"I did," Loki replied. "Are you going to deny it was easier for him once I had left?"

"No. I won't. The press let up once you'd buggered off, so Steve could go wandering in his depression through Brooklyn again. Then you went and sold a shit load of Birkin bags that you STOLE FROM ME."

"Yes, wondrously kind of me, was it not? I built some minor goodwill for myself and allowed you to take some tax breaks," Loki said, tugging on his sleeves.

"How did you turn blue?"

"Transmutation," Loki replied. "I'm nothing now. Not fully human, not fully Inhuman. I'm something else all together. Brilliant, right?"

Tony waved his finger at Loki. "Are you speaking English?"

"Yes. What happened to JARVIS?"

"Oh. Uh…he's decommissioned."

"Why?"

"I lost him."

"You lost him?"

"Yeah, your ears not working? Something happened when I was trying to upload him—"

Tony stopped talking.

"You built another robot?" Loki seethed, the air going several degrees colder. Tony took several steps backwards and put his hands in front of him.

"What? No! Ultron built the body after mind controlling our doctor who is a pioneer in skin regrowing!"

Loki mouthed those last words and shook his head. The air slowly warmed.

"Then we stole the body and the Mind Gem—"

"Mind Gem?"

Tony smirked. "You didn't know what you had?"

"THANOS GAVE ME THE MIND GEM?!"

Loki's sunglasses flew off his head and ice shot of his hands and feet, making Tony leap back in order not to get iced. Tony stared at Loki with wide eyes and tried not to scream when he saw the bright red eyes glaring at him. Loki's shoes snapped back into place, making Tony realize his feet were blue.

"You shoot ice out of your feet?"

"I had the MIND GEM?"

"Yeah. How did you think you were controlling people? Magic?"

"Yes, actually. I knew the stone in the scepter was something magical, connected to the Tesseract in some sense, but I did not realize it was an Infinity Stone itself."

"Yeah, what are those? Thor mentioned them before he went home."

"Thor went back to Asgard? He's no longer here?"

"You just missed him."

Loki looked upset by this, but shook it off as he went hunting for his Ray-Bans along side the road.

"You didn't know?"

"No. I know the Tesseract and the Aether are Infinity Gems, but I had failed to realize I had the Mind Gem."

"What was the Tesseract?"

"The Space Stone," Loki replied, bending over and picking up his sunglasses. He slid them on. "The Aether is the Reality Stone. Jessica picked up the Time Stone from somewhere, as she time traveled…to protect James Barnes."

"Yeah, that was just freaky. Where did she get it?"

"I've no idea. Not from Thanos. He only had possession of one when I knew him, and didn't share the information with me."

"Why would he? If Crazy Loki had known what he had, would he have done as he did?"

"Likely not," Loki admitted. "Though, maybe? I was under the influence of the Mind Gem."

Tony's head hurt. "Thor seems to think that someone, likely Thanos, is after all of them to put them together and has been moving us all like pup—chess pieces. Your dad's got some sort of glove, right? That they fit into?"

Loki stood as still as the unmoving trees surrounding them.

"Oh."

"What?"

"There are two Gauntlets," Loki realized. "Odin has one in his vault. I'd bet my hair that Thanos has a second one."

"Why would there be two?"

"Most creatures have two hands."

"But six stones. Wouldn't all the stones be in one glove in order to work together? I mean, that's what they do, right? Work well together to be a super power? That's why your Not Daddy sent the stuff you needed my arc reactor for to someone else, right?"

"How did you know that?"

"I asked Jane," Tony said. At Loki's doubtful look, he added, "I do talk to her. No one told me I'm not allowed to. I like her, okay? She's really smart. I mean, I don't like her, like her. I just like her as a person. I don't want to—"

"Shut up."

Tony snapped his mouth shut.

"Odin sent it to the Collector. He collects things of power," Loki muttered. "As does Odin, hence his weapons fault filled with stolen relics."

"Who'd he steal the Gauntlet from?"

"No idea. When I inquired what it was as a child he said it was a glove of power. When Thor and I told him we were worried Thanos was after it, he informed us it was a glove of no power unless filled with stones of power, which he lamented he had only one."

"So, without Infinity Gems, it's just a glove?"

"A big, golden, ugly glove that weighs a metric ton," Loki grumbled.

"You picked it up?"

"Of course I did. It was the only item Odin allowed Thor and I to handle in the vault until he bestowed Mjolnir upon Thor."

"Who he'd steal that from?"

"No one, actually. Odin ordered some dwarves to create him a magical weapon for his son upon Thor's birth. They foraged Mjolnir in the heart of dying star. Odin kept it within the vault until Thor came of age."

"And he's had it ever since?"

"Except for those three days he was upon Earth as a mortal," Loki replied.

"And it really only allows those worthy of its power to wield it?"

"Correct. I've never been able to lift it."

Tony cursed lowly and whistled.

"What?"

"Vision, the robot body that Ultron built for himself that we stole and tried to upload JARVIS into, picked the hammer up like five-seconds after he woke up after Thor used the hammer to hammer him to life."

Loki swayed a little as if there was a breeze.

"I seem to have missed quite a lot of excitement whilst I was holidaying in China," Loki muttered, turning around and marching off.

"Where are you going? And what the hell were you doing on holiday in China! I thought you ran off to become an agent of SHILED?"

Lok whirled around. "Vision, that's what you called him?"

"That's kind of what he calls himself. I'm not too clear how he wound up calling himself that. I mean, Thor had a vision about him, hence why he flew in and bashed his hammer into the case holding the robot body made out of the same metal that Steve's shield is made out—"

"Pardon?"

"Ultron found a guy who stole a lot of vibranium from Wakanda."

Loki cocked his head to the side.

"It's a long story, but it's a special metal and this guy is made out of it, okay? Just roll with it. He also loves your brother and thinks he's awesome, as he was looking at Thor's cape and made himself one."

"Made himself one?"

"Yeah, he's the holder of the Mind Gem. Thor says he's worthy because he picked the hammer up. A few times."

Loki sat down hard on the ground. Tony closed the distance between them, but didn't join Loki on the ground, as he didn't feel like getting dirt all over his butt.

"Steve can lift it. He pretended not to be able to, but I saw the wobble and Thor's face," Tony offered. "We were all at various stages of happily buzzed after our Yay-We-Got-The-Glow-Stick party. Thor was drinking his special mead, which he shared with Steve."

"Didn't do anything to him, did it?"

"Nope. Pretty sure Steve was our DD."

Loki snorted.

"Not that it really mattered as our party was crashed by a robot hell bent on bringing the end of days."

Loki sighed. "Stark—"

"Tony. Please, why the hell won't you call me Tony? It's bad enough Steve refuses to call me Tony."

"Anthony," Loki began again and Tony sighed deeply. "Did you really learn nothing from Ultron?"

"Don't create a peace-keeping AI to take over for the Avengers?"

Loki sighed deeply, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. "You really are the stupidest genius I've ever met."

"Hey!"

"Goodbye, Anthony," Loki called, waving over his shoulder as he went back to walking away from Tony.

"I learned plenty!"

Tony grumbled as he got back into his car and started it back up. He floored it and tore down the road. It wasn't until he was sitting in traffic on his way into the city did he realize Loki was kind of right.

He'd made Ultron and when presented with another robot body, instead of destroying it like Bruce wanted (or just waiting for Thor to come back and do something with the magical thinking stone), his first thought was to give the body to the battle worn JARVIS.

Granted, he didn't think JARVIS would wind up an AI with a God complex to make Insane Loki look perfectly docile and logical. JARVIS was…JARVIS.

Okay, he was Jarvis. In almost every sense other than he was an AI, had no body, and for a long time didn't understand sarcasm, he was just like the Edwin Jarvis Tony remembered from his childhood. The guy who told him stories about running around with Peggy Carter saving the world.

He could have had that. He and JARVIS could have worked together to save the world. Instead, JARVIS was gone for good and all that was left was Vision, who sounded like JARVIS but was not JARVIS.

Tony missed JARVIS. Waking up each day to FRIDAY's voice was jarring and kind of sucky. While he knew he could reprogram FRIDAY and make her into JARVIS, it felt wrong. JARVIS was gone. Who the AI had been was gone.

Tony had to start over.

Just like he had to rebuild Dummy, You, and Butterfingers after his house fell into the ocean, he now had to rebuild his personal AI. Granted, it was easy to rebuild Dummy, You, and Butterfingers because he'd had JARVIS pack-up their programs. So he had to just rebuild the physical then upload the personality.

It still sucked, though he was finally able to upgrade Dummy. Dummy hated upgrades, but with him out of commission, he had no say in his new case. And didn't even notice, the idiot.

Tony swallowed, not minding the fact he was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic going nowhere.

"There needs to be someone to stop me, someone who is not afraid of me," Tony whispered.

Usually, this person was Pepper or Bruce.

Bruce had not wanted to go along with him, but he had helped him. At first grudgingly, but he got into it near the end of the three days they had with the scepter. Maybe if he'd had more time— no. It'd still have wound up a total disaster. Tony rested his forehead against the steering wheel.

Ultron was how he was because of Tony's personal flaws. Steve had remarked the guy had had a major God complex. Tony agreed. It went passed all his Biblical references to how he wanted to shape the world over again (so had that freaky Elf guy, though he wanted to plunge the whole universe into darkness and start over). No, the God complex was rooted in wanting to fix everything, wanting to right the wrongs. It was not just bringing peace.

Tony let out a shaky laugh.

Tony wanted to fix the world, wanted to right all he wrongs he'd created through making weapons for so many years. And the only reason Tony didn't do it the way Ultron had wanted?

He was human and did not want to die. He did not want other humans to die in order to correct his wrongs.

Ultron, not being human and not understanding or wanting to understand the human condition, went about "fixing" the world by ridding it of the problem: humans.

Tony sat up.

There needed to be checks and balances. Someone, since SHIELD was technically gone (and illegal) needed to keep all the Enhanced Humans and Superheroes in check. There needed to be someone to answer to when things went wrong.

Currently, Tony had no one to answer to except himself. Clearly, that didn't work.

Taking a deep breath, he gripped the steering wheel and slowly moved forward with traffic.

* * *

 _I want to wear a crown of glory / When I get home to that good land / I want to shout salvation's story / In concert with the blood-washed band_

 _-Neil Young, "Wayfarin' Stranger"_

* * *

Loki came to a halt at what he assumed was the front door. He looked around, taking note of the various cameras. He didn't have to wait long before Fury appeared, propping the door open and leaning against it as if he was casually waiting for pizza.

"It was open," he said, smirking at Loki. "Pretty sure he's hopeful you'll just walk on in and join him."

"He's not that—" Loki stopped, knowing Steven would leave the door unlocked, for him or Sebastian.

"You know I'm right," Fury taunted, stepping aside for Loki to enter. "He's running the newbies through the paces."

Fury raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not here to join," Loki claimed.

"Sure. I've got shit to do. Find your own way," Fury groused and left Loki alone in the hallway.

Loki remained where he was till he heard the noise of training and crept towards it. The door was partly open, so Loki pushed it open further to see inside the room. He looked around the large, open room, taking in the glass wall that was typical Stark fashion. He turned his eyes to the people within the room and watched for a moment. Everyone other than Natasha and Steven could fly. It made for rather interesting training sequences.

"Okay! Everyone stop!"

Everyone landed and Natasha picked herself off the floor. Loki watched with rapt attention as the one called Vision landed near the girl with the red magic.

It was magic. Loki could smell it.

"Let's take ten," Steven suggested, itching his ear and throwing his shield onto his back. "We got a lot of work to do."

"Correct," Vision agreed using JARVIS's voice.

Well, that was unnerving.

"Any insights?" Steven inquired.

"Many, but there is someone at the door for you."

Loki straightened up from where he was peeking through the half opened door as Steven whirled around.

"Loki?"

Loki pulled the door shut and backed against the wall.

The full gaze of those blue eyes was unnerving. How had he forgotten how blue those eyes were? How full of emotion? How lovely…

The door flew open and suddenly Steven was there, within touching distance. Steven gaped, eating Loki up greedily with his eyes till he reached his face.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses? You hate people who wear sunglasses inside," Steven remarked, frowning deeply.

Loki cleared his throat, but did not stop pressing his back into the wall. "Is there somewhere we can go to speak? I…do not wish to do so in the hallway."

"Yeah, uh, let me…" Steven jerked this thumb over his shoulder.

"Go. I got this, Steve," Natasha said from behind the close door.

Steven groaned, but reached out and grabbed Loki by the arm and towed him off. Loki didn't pay attention to where Steven was taking him as Loki was on overload from Steven simply grabbing his arm. Not even his bare arm, as there was a layer of cotton between Loki's skin and Steven's.

"Where have you been?" Steven hissed as he wove his way through hallways till he reached an elevator. He jammed his finger into the button multiple times as if that would make the lift arrive faster.

"Here and there. I spent some time in China and somewhere in the Pacific Ocean for a bit. It started out lovely, ended rather horridly."

Steven glanced at him before looking back at his finger jamming into the call button. He gripped Loki tightly as if he was afraid if he let go, Loki would vanish into nothingness. Since Loki had run away from Steven and Steven had done nothing to stop him, Loki did not blame him or complain for being held hostage.

"Why were you in China?"

"Not here."

Steven pressed his lips into a thin line, but nodded.

"We're going to my quarters," Steve said. "My apartment. Home?"

Steven glanced at Loki out of the corner of his eye, his hopefulness shining through.

"Home," Loki agreed. "If I am allowed to join you…"

Steven turned to face Loki and said with a very serious face, "Don't get me wrong, Loki Laufey-Odinson—"

"Loki Friggason," Loki corrected. "Or maybe Loki Odin-Friggason, but that's a little obvious. Everyone knows the connection to Odin, but no one really knows my mother's name was Frigga, as her name was left out of all the SHIELD reports. The myths are all over the place with who Thor's real mother happens to be, so—"

"You changed your name?"

"Recently, yes. Also, that other name was really a mouthful."

Steve said nothing in response as the elevator dinged open and he dragged Loki inside. The doors shut and Steven stood in tense silence as it rose.

"You live at the top?"

"Yes. Stark built two apartments on top for the team leaders. Natasha has the other one."

The elevator door opened and Steven dragged him down the hall a bit to a door with a shield hanging on it. Steven opened the door and towed Loki inside. Loki's jaw dropped. He slowly turned in a slow circle.

"This looks almost exactly like our apartment in New York," Loki breathed.

"Only with stairs," Steven said, indicating to the stairs that led upwards to another level. "And more windows. Stark loves windows."

"But these are all our belongings," Loki went on. "Well, the things the government didn't cease."

"Stark got the important things," Steven said quietly. "It was weird being here without you, though."

"So, you don't live here?"

"No. I do."

Loki stepped further into the apartment and saw signs of life. He trailed his hand over his beloved couch, then smiled at the mismatched but painted to match dining room chairs. His heart felt full.

"I know we gotta talk, and trust me we will, but Loki…"

Loki whirled around and found Steven right behind him. Loki tense, thinking Steven was going to punch him in the nose for running off, but instead he got a bone brushing (and Loki meant bone crushing) hug. Loki returned it the best he could, sucking in Steven's scent (which granted wasn't at his best, but Loki still loved the stench of Sweat-Drenched-Still-in-Suit-Smelling-Steven as much as just from the Shower-Smelling-Steven or I-Remembered-To-Put-Cologne-On-Steven).

Steven wetly laughed, pressing his face into Loki's shoulder.

"What?" Loki inquired.

Loki would have liked to pull away to be able to see his face, but Steven did not relinquish his grip.

"Natasha asked earlier today what I'd do if you showed up. I told her I'd hug you to death," Steven choked out and laughed harder. He loosened his grip and started to go down. Loki tried to catch him, but the super solider weighed almost twice as much as Loki now that Loki was no longer a dense Frost Giant, so he took Loki with him. They wound up in a heap on the floor, Loki sprawled over Steven as he awkwardly lay on the ground, his shield still strapped to his back. "Oh my gosh."

"Sorry," Loki apologized, trying to scramble off Steven, but Steven grabbed him and crushed him to his chest once more.

"You are not going anywhere any time soon, mister."

Loki pressed his face into Steven's chest and muttered, "I'd rather be nowhere else."

* * *

 _Don't know what to do without you / Don't know what to do with you / Used to look at you with wonder / Now I look at you and wonder_

 _-Ben Harper & Charlie Musselwhite, "I Don't Believe a Word You Say"_

* * *

"So. You killed people?"

"They weren't very nice."

"Did you do it on purpose?"

"Not always."

Steve hated he couldn't tell if Loki was lying. Killing things was on the top of his list of reason why he ran off in the first place.

Also smashing, but killing was always mentioned first.

"Most of the people killed were HYDRA. I am sure you've killed your fair share of HYDRA."

Steve shifted. "I never wanted to kill them. Mostly just knock them out."

Loki smiled fondly at Steve before looking out the window again. The sunglasses had fallen off some point during Steve's attempts to hug-crush him. Loki's eyes were now red— a wondrous shade of red that went between ruby and red apple. Loki admitted his hair was now naturally white and had shown Steve his blue hands and feet. Upon seeing Steve's reaction, he ditched the gloves and his shoes (he preferred to be barefoot now) and curled into himself on the couch to finish telling Steve the tale of how he wound up with blue hands and feet, red eyes, and white hair. Loki had told him how the whole ordeal steamed from the serum Daisy (who used to be Skye), Jim, and Loki were all given.

Moral: there were more aliens. And they'd ran experiments on humans to make super soldiers during a massive war.

Of course they did. It's what people (human or alien) did.

Steve was seated on the opposite end of the couch from Loki, Loki's cold feet tucked under Steve's thigh. Steve kept running his fingers over the exposed blue skin, which felt just like the Frost Giant skin, only without the raised designs.

"There was more fighting and knocking out than killing," Loki admitted. "I trained James."

"Jim Nicholls?"

Loki nodded. "He became an agent right before SHEILD went under and remained once Coulson chose to rebuild. He was rather untrained when I arrived and no one wished tutor the poor boy."

"Because of his…drawing weird alien writing without knowing what he was doing. Yeah, I guess that'd freak some people out."

"You are taking this better than I expected."

"I kept track of you via JARVIS. While I can't find the Playground, I know that was the main base SHEILD was using. JARVIS would tell me when you'd be out on missions, who you were with, and when you'd return. I know he told you the same for me."

Loki nodded.

"He did not tell me about…you changing passed something had happened to you and it was the reason you'd gone off grid. And now I get why he didn't tell me."

"Director Coulson wiped it from our records, the safe haven where the Inhumans used to go," Loki admitted. "And no one can get there anymore."

He got a far away look on his face. Steve moved onto another topic. "So, Coulson's trying to work with the government?"

"With the US Air Force. Oddly, it was the Air Force that showed up at the Hub after I left to bring the remains of SHIELD in, so Coulson works through the guy who was leading the charge, General Tablot."

"An Air Force general went into battle?"

"I know, strange. But, it was highly unlikely Coulson was going to attack."

"Oh, I don't know. He's rather slippery."

Loki snorted, resting his head on the arm of the sofa.

"So, uh, did you find what you went looking for?" Steve asked.

Loki looked up and met his eyes. He looked rather scared he'd see something different in Steve's face than he usually did, but Steve didn't really care those green eyes were gone. They were still Loki's eyes, just a different color. (Though it was kind of strange Loki was blonde now. But, Steve wasn't going to tell him that.)

"I did. Am finally at peace with who and what I am," Loki divulged quietly. He looked away and gazed back out the huge windows that lined the wall of the apartment. They had none of the architectural charm their apartment's large window's had, but they did let in plenty of natural light and showcase the open space Northern New York had to offer.

"Okay, I forgive the manner you left me behind."

Loki turned back to him, his ruby eyes large and wet. "I do not deserve you."

Steve hitched up one side of his mouth. "You might not deserve me, but I want you."

Loki blinked furiously. Steve let go of Loki's foot and attacked him with a hug again. He held on at tightly as he dared, even if it was an awkward angle and he was likely squishing the poor guy into the sofa arm.

"You're gonna have to talk to Sam. He and Natasha got the brunt of my anger at you running off and be not being able to follow."

"I am so sorry, but—"

"You had to go. I know. You were mad, angry, and trapped. You've been that before and things kind of blew up in your face in a matter of three days," Steve quietly said, resting his chin on the top of Loki's head. "At least you used your negative emotions for something constructive, right?"

"I should hope, but am unsure."

"Why?"

"I worry about what will become of them," Loki admitted pulling away. "Agent Simmons was taken by an alien artifact shortly after we…settled the Inhuman matter."

"What?" Steve asked, wracking his mind for which one was Simmons.

"SHEILD had been transporting this huge alien stone somewhere when it fell and the aircraft carrier it was on remained in SHEILD friendly hands."

"SHEILD friendly hands?"

"Well, the people on that boat started the other fraction of SHIELD that was working against Coulson, as they didn't believe he ought to be in charge of the new SHIELD and Fury had no right to choose the director without consulting the…Well, I guess the other high ranking SHEILD officers who weren't HYDRA."

Steve snorted. "Bureaucrats."

"Yes, well, I think they've solved that problem after the Inhuman fraction tried to start a war. We were wrapping up our business when…I'm not sure what happened, but the stone goes liquid every now and then. It went liquid and grabbed Simmons as somehow the door had become unlocked. It's kept in a case."

"You didn't know what it was?"

"No. I've never felt so useless. I want to help Fitz so badly, but there is nothing I am able to do."

"Really?"

Loki shook his head, moving out of Steve's arms. Steve backed up a little. "I cannot go to Asgard and no one has returned my calls."

"You've been calling?"

"Yes. They're not answering. I was kind of hoping they'd send Sif down with what materials might aid us in discovering what the thing is, but…"

"I'm sorry."

Steve squeezed Loki's hand.

"The artifact's history isn't clear. SHILED had almost nothing of worth on it."

"So, what are you going to do to help Fitz?"

"Research. But, I do not need to be there to do so and…I missed you. It was time to return home."

"Thanks," Steve said, squeezing his hand again. "Remember, you're going to have to speak with Sam and Nat. Did you happen across Tony on your way in?"

"Yes, he almost ran me over before he noticed me," Loki smirked.

"Of course he did. So you talked?"

"Yes. He's the same."

"I know."

"He didn't learn anything," Loki quietly said. "Where is Bruce?"

Steve made a face.

"What happened?"

"He ran away."

Loki looked confused for a second before he looked heartbroken. "He's not here?"

"No. But, he'll come back. Just like you. You can't run away from home forever, now can you?"

"No. How is your search for James going?"

"You mean Bucky right? Not Jim?"

"I've no idea why you would be looking for Agent Nicholls over your long thought dead friend."

Steve rolled his eyes. "You can just call him Bucky."

Loki raised an eyebrow in distaste. "No. I think not."

Steve sighed. "We've had a few leads, but we always seem to just miss him. Sam's been doing most of the looking, as I've been busy. Nat's gone a couple times on her own when Sam and I were both busy, but now we're all here, though."

"Samuel's going to be an Avenger?" Loki asked, perking up.

"Yup," Steve popped out. "Falcon, the Vision, War Machine, and Scarlet Witch— who you need to meet ASAP."

"She's the young woman with the red magic?"

"Is it magic? We thought it was visible energy."

"It smells of magic, which makes sense due to being brought out by the Mind Gem."

Steve smirked. "Tony tell you about that?"

"Yes. I cannot believe I had the Mind Gem and I threw it away."

"You didn't know, plus from what both the Vision and Thor have said, those gems are dangerous."

"They are. I had two. I only realized, I was in possession of two and I threw both away."

"To get free of their hold. I've seen nothing good come from being in possession of either. Well, except the Vision. He seems to be okay," Steve admitted. "I think Thor's right he's the only thing that should have that gem."

"Because he can wield Mjinlor?"

"Yeah, but he seems to get it and he doesn't use it to mind control people," Steve teased, poking Loki in the side he knew was ticklish. "So, we've got a war to get ready for."

"Really, Steven? You see one brewing?"

"Thanos. Thor had a vision, two actually. He, uh, when Wanda mind zapped him before she was a friendly, Thor saw…I'm not sure but whatever it was stuck with him longer than our visions stuck with us."

Steve suppressed a shiver. He looked at Loki to find the ruby eyes reading him easily. Steve closed his own eyes and sighed deeply.

"What did you see?"

"A confused version of what home was to me," Steve replied, rubbing the back of his neck and scowling at the floor. Loki took his chin and gently tilted Steve's face up. "It was right after the war ended. The visions were supposed to show us our greatest fears, okay? My fear…is war never really ending, my own PTSD."

Steve felt like a huge weight was lifted off his chest admitting that.

"The loss of home," he went on, gazing into the gem colored eyes that were his to drink in whenever he wanted now that they'd returned to him willingly. "I was in a dance hall, like the ones from before the war Bucky and I went to, only Bucky wasn't there. They were people I didn't know, all in various stages of injury, yet they were laughing and having a ball. Everything was red, the room drenched in red light. I was in the middle of the floor and Peggy showed up, dressed as I'd never seen her. She was literally the only uninjured person in the hall other than me. She asked for a dance, but when I didn't move she said we could go home. Only, I knew I wasn't able to go home because you were lying dead on the floor."

"Oh, Steven," Loki whispered, raising his hand and stroking Steve's cheek.

Steve swallowed thickly. "Then, the whole hall was void of people and I was all alone. Left behind."

Loki's eyes looked heart broken, so Steve forced himself to smile.

"It could have been worse. Wanda admitted to giving Stark a vision when he was in von Strucker's lab standing before the scepter. She didn't want, well, what happened. She only wanted him to take it and use it to tear us apart, to make him our enemy. She didn't realize he'd take that fear and build Ultron."

"She didn't know him very well, then, even after looking in his head," Loki remarked. "That is what she does, isn't it?"

Steve nodded. "You can't tell she's doing it except the look on her face. It's honestly a bit…unnerving."

"Yes, those talented in the mind arts are almost always feared above all others," Loki quietly said. Loki yawned, trying to cover it with a long-fingered hand.

God, Steve missed those hands.

"I shall like to meet her," Loki commented. "How is she doing training wise?"

"Physically, she's a little rusty, but young. Her powers? I've no idea. The Vision is working with her. She really likes him, always has."

"I bet she found his mind beautiful when he started," Loki remarked. "It was unblemished by race, sex, or anything. Likely filled with simple wonder."

"I never thought of that."

"The world was new and an amazing thing to him," Loki suggested. "It was after seeing what was in Ultron's mind she and her brother turned on him, correct?"

"Yes. They said they saw what he really was doing, what his final goal was and didn't agree. She later told me she never meant for this to happen to the scale it did."

"Never underestimate the size of Stark's ego."

"Or yours. After we'd figured out what had happened, I shuddered to think what she'd have done to you if you'd been with us."

"Did she get Clint?"

"No," Steve breathed. "He was the only one. He got her."

Loki smirked and Steve pounced.

Later, when the sweat was cooling on both their skins and the sheets were a tangled mess, Steve gripped Loki hard enough to bruise his pale skin and said, "Don't you ever run away on me again."

Loki slipped his hand into Steve's hair gently and said, "I do not plan to unless you tell me to leave."

Steve swallowed, wanting to believe him but only time would tell if Loki could earn that trust back. He settled down in bed and listened to Loki breath while Loki listened to Steve's heart. He must have fallen asleep as the next thing he knew his phone was blasting the loudest, most annoying noise known to man. Loki grumbled, rolling away. Steve rolled towards the nightstand where his phone was shouting, "HEAVEY BOOTS OF LEAD FILL HIS VICTIMS FULL OF DREAD. RUNNING AS FAST AS THEY CAN IRON MAN LIVES AGAIN!"

Steve finally got the phone and answered, not bothering to see who was calling at such an hour.

"Yeah?" Steve groaned, his voice coming out scratchy from his earlier actives and sleep.

"I think he's been kidnapped. He went to blow up a HYDRA cell almost two months ago. He ditched his phone, I can't trace his passport because I'm not a computer genius who dabbles in the illegal, and I can't get a hold of LOKI! He always checks in, he always does. At first I thought it was because he needed a handler to operate, but he told me he does it so someone else knows where he is and to ease my worry. He hasn't called in almost eight weeks and I can't get a hold of Loki on his iPhone and he's not sending any messages via the MacBook."

It took Steve the whole spiel to figure out it was Jess talking to him.

"Loki," Steve started, but stopped when he realized Jess thought someone had been kidnapped. "Wait, you think someone's been kidnapped? Who is not Loki, right?"

Loki shot up so fast Steve was sure someone has shocked him. Loki, wide awake, tried to take the phone, but Steve turned away.

"Jess, who do—"

"BUCKY!"

Steve and Loki both froze, the former's ruby eyes wide and scared. Steve instantly knew.

"You both knew where Bucky was and didn't tell me."

"He didn't want me to tell you," Jess wailed.

"He wished for you to not know," Loki calmly said at the same time.

Steve was livid. He flew out of bed and glared at the man still tangled in the sheets. He pressed the phone hard enough to his ear he likely would have hurt his ear if he'd been normal.

"You knew where he was and just let me chase after ghosts?"

"You were close," Jess insisted, "but he's gone! He ditched his phone and he never came home. He always calls. When he lands, he calls, when he finished the job, he calls, when he takes off, he calls. He always calls me, Steve. He hasn't called in almost eight weeks!"

Jess burst into tears on the other end of the line while Steve glared at Loki.

"You knew. And didn't tell me."

"I was unaware he was missing. Jessica would not have been able to get a hold of me because when I transformed, I ruined my iPhone and my MacBook was left behind at one of Bruce's cabins."

"STEVE!" Jess wailed. "He's missing! Stop being mad about the past. Loki and I weren't supposed to tell you. It was Sebastian's wish."

"Who?"

"Sebastian. Bucky. He wants to be called Sebastian. He made a choice and I had to respect it. It was all part of him becoming a person, one who made choices."

Steve turned away from Loki and heaved a few deep breaths. He lowered the phone, letting it hang loosely at his side.

"You sent him on missions, knowing what he'd been through?"

"Judging by the trail he blazed to Alaska, I believed he would not mind taking out HYDRA bases," Loki gently said. "He informed me that the one in Thailand was his last one and he was through after this. I assumed he was getting himself together enough to come here to see you. I had hoped he'd already made contact."

"He was planning on coming here?" Steve asked, then realized he needed to ask Jess, so he put the phone back to his ear. "After the last mission, he was going to come here?"

"Told me we'd buy tickets and surprise you once he got home. Only he never came back!"

Steve had too many emotions flowing through him to do anything other than breathe.

"We were going to fly to New York and he was going to make apple cake. He perfected it before he left, even made icing for it."

"He remembers I like apple cake?"

"He remembers Bucky, but he doesn't like Bucky's name," Jess sniffed. "Steve, he's gone. Something horrible happened if he's been radio silent this long."

"And you're just getting around to calling me?"

"No," Jess sobbed. "But no one answered or had answers for me. I didn't want to tell too many people about him, yeah? I tried to get Loki's details out of Jim, but he didn't have a number for an iLoki because the idiot didn't make himself one after he ruined his iPhone. And your iLoki isn't in service, so I hope to god your StarkPhone isn't being hacked right now."

Loki cocked his head to the side. Steve wasn't sure how he could hear Jess, as Steve was huddled on the other side of the room turned away from him, but it was clear Loki could hear what was being said through the tiny phone speaker. Steve turned further away and pushed the phone closer to his ear.

(He had trashed his iLoki ten hours after Loki left in a fit of rage. He hadn't bothered to ask JARVIS to ask Loki to make him a new one.)

"Jess, calm down. Start at the beginning."

"He likes to bake," Jess wailed. "I gained like twenty pounds because he made cookies, so many cookies, and cakes. He loves frosting cupcakes. And he found Pinterest. OMG. So many cupcakes. I haven't had a cupcake in four weeks."

She began to sob to the point she was unable to talk, so Steve straightened and turned his serious face to Loki.

Loki looked pained, like he wished Steve hadn't found out about this betrayal, but squared his shoulders and started at the beginning.

"It was before I joined SHIELD, but when I was thinking of it. I thought about randomly going after HYDRA strongholds that were public knowledge, when JARVIS pointed out many organizations were doing that, as well as an unknown who was blazing a trail north taking out what were later declared HYDRA bases that hadn't been known."

"Why didn't JARVIS ever tell us?"

"I ordered him not to," Loki admitted. "After I left, I investigated what was found at the physical locations on my way to the Playground, as quite a few were on my way."

Steve checked the phone and found Jess was still sobbing uncontrollably. He began to feel bad as there was no one there to comfort her.

"I made an educated guess the person doing the destruction was the Winter Solider," Loki went on without emotion. "It was his style. In and out without a trace. It wasn't like the other HYDRA bases being taken down by the government."

"Why?"

"These were all burned to the ground. He was literally blazing his way north. I lost track of him somewhere in Canada. He simply vanished."

"That's because I brought him to Anchorage," Jess croaked, sounding as if she was trying to get herself together. She sniffed loudly and blew her nose. "I don't remember, as I was an orange fire demon, but Seb told me I brought him up here from somewhere in Canada."

Loki extended his head in agreement.

"How did you know he went to Anchorage?"

"I didn't know until I followed him to Anchorage after he'd took out a HYDRA base in northern Alaska. I was suspicious as Jessica was talking about this new guy friend she had. She was very careful not to tell me much, like she didn't really wish for me to know, but was unable to stop herself."

"Oops," Jess whispered.

Steve sat heavily on the floor, dropping his phone. Loki slid out of the bed and moved across the room. Each movement was careful, as if Loki thought Steve was a wild animal he didn't wish to spook. When Loki got close enough, he took the dropped phone and flicked on the speaker.

"Jessica?"

"Loki! Where the hell have you been?"

"Through hell. Not important. We must find Sebastian. He phoned when he was done?"

"No! That's just it, he never called after he arrived."

"Well, he blew the base up," Steve grumbled. "Nat was there. She said it was gone. She also noted there were several other—"

Steve stopped breathing.

"Steven?"

"Steve?"

"Oh, god."

"WHAT?!" Jess shouted.

"Nat said there were several other groups of unfriendlies. She took out the HYDRA goons, but she thought she'd seen Grant Ward. She wasn't sure why he'd be there if he wasn't looking to get the Winter Solider to join him. Also, some government agency that was not the CIA or FBI was lurking around and doing a bad job at blending in."

"Any of those groups could have gotten him," Jess wailed.

Loki got to his feet and swiftly went to his bag he'd dumped on the ground hours ago.

Was that only hours ago?

"Tell Steven about Sebastian," Loki said as he pulled out a laptop. It wasn't his MacBook, but one that looked similar.

"He likes to bake. He makes cookies and complicated cakes. And he spent weeks trying to master icing cupcakes so they look like the ones you see in those fancy bakeries. He could totally open his own cupcake shop. And he cleans. Like he wipes the house for prints and once he bleached all the carpets."

"I don't think you should bleach carpets," Steve ventured.

"No," Jess said making a choking noise. "He replaced all the flooring himself. He had so much fun it was too cute to be mad he ruined all the carpet."

"He likes to be useful," Steve remembered. He bit his tongue from sharing his own stories of Bucky being overly helpful.

"So that's Bucky not the Asset? That's…" Jess trailed off unsure what to say.

"Bucky always wanted to help," Steve quietly said as Loki tapped the keys of the laptop extra loudly.

"I took him to Kaladi on Muldoon about a week after he showed up, before he discovered cookies and cakes. He didn't know what to do, so I ordered two different things for him. I did that a lot in the early days. I ordered for him but let him pick between the two things I ordered when they arrived. It was too overwhelming to have too many choices. Anyway, I took him to Kaladi. He picked the caramel latte I kind of really wanted. He took one sip and I thought he was going to short circuit. I knew I'd created a coffee addict when he started going by himself."

"He went out alone?" Steve whispered while watching Loki bite his lower lip, red eyes flying across his screen.

"Of course. He didn't just sit in the house all by himself. He even took cooking and baking classes without me after a while. It was good for him. To be his own person."

"Was he dangerous?"

"Sometimes, but so are all soldiers," Jess stubbornly replied.

"Got him," Loki proclaimed, picking up the laptop and moving closer to Steve. He glanced at Steve before sitting next to him so he could see the screen. "He didn't use his passport to fly back to Anchorage, but he was in Anchorage and booked a flight to San Francisco. He was there for roughly a week, before he took another flight to Miami. Then he used his passport to fly himself to Eastern Europe. I tracked his passport the entire way through his trip around Europe. He ditched his iLoki in Bangkok, or that's the last place it was on."

"Why would he keep using his passport?"

"Because who ever is after him doesn't know about Sebastian Stan."

"That's his name on the passport?"

"Correct. He was trying to send us a message, only I was unable to receive it."

"Couldn't they do face recognition?" Jess asked over the line. "Like on the passport. That's how they kept finding Jason Borne."

"It wouldn't show up due to how I coded the photo," Loki explained. "The anti-terrorist fighters worst nightmare, hence why this and mine is the only passport it's on."

Steve gave Loki a dark look.

"Where is this program now?"

"In my iPhone. I didn't trust it anywhere else."

"Where is this iPhone?"

Loki reached into his pocket and took out a baggie filled with broken bits of electronics. Steve studied it carefully. He was pretty sure no one could put that back together except Stark or Loki. (Odd, they both were carrying around pieces of broken cell phones.)

"The ice I encased myself within shattered the phone when I unfroze. This was all that was within my pocket that was returned to me. Agent Fitz could not make head or tails of it. I haven't had the time to see if I could fix it."

"So it's just in your head now?"

Loki nodded.

"You won't abuse it?"

"No. I only created it so I could go places with ease, then Coulson fixed that by giving me a US Embassy passport. After scanning it, no one looks further once it passes as real."

"Okay."

"Anyway, with Sebastian using it so often, allowing it to be scanned so often— he was leaving me a trail to follow."

"Where does it end?" Jess demanded.

"San Francisco. He boarded a plane in Baltimore, which connected in Denver. He might have gotten off in Denver."

"So two places to scour," Steve remarked.

"When was this?"

"Two weeks ago."

Jess let out a shuddering breath. "Why didn't he get a burner phone and call?"

"I do not know," Loki gently said.

Steve glared into space. Loki moved away.

"I'm so sorry, Steve," Jess pleaded. "He didn't want you to know. He kept telling me he wasn't Bucky and you wanted Bucky. I had to respect his choice. It was his choice."

The pleading in Jess's voice melted Steve's anger a little.

"It's fine."

It wasn't, but it wasn't really her fault. He glanced at Loki, who inched further way and looked down at his laptop, his blond hair falling into his face. Steve said his goodbyes to Jess and assured her they'd keep her updated.

"I think we should start in Denver. We ought to take the Scarlet Witch," Loki suggested quietly once Steve had hung up.

Steve blankly stared at him.

"I don't know if her powers work that way. I'd say let's get Thor to ask Heimdall, but Thor left and Heimdall will not answer any call I make."

Loki looked so bitter and dejected, Steve sighed, and let go of his own anger and jealousy. He looked down at the phone in his lap and rubbed the back of his neck.

"We'll go," Steve promised. "We'll pound the pavement and see if anyone's seen him. Has he cut his hair?"

"Yes. He's rather anal about his hair. He goes to the salon Jessica works at for regular trims."

Steve laughed. "Bucky was so vain about his hair. Almost more than you."

"He is in there," Loki insisted. "He just…traveled a long way to reach there and has become someone else."

"I'm not sure I'll be able to call him Sebastian, but…I've got more hope now for him…it's good to know he's been taken care of and not living on the streets," Steve admitted grudgingly. "One less thing to…regret about not being able to find him. What did he do when I visited? I think I went up there twice in the last year."

"He was on HYDRA hunting missions. And it came naturally to him to leave no trace when he left. He did each time he went away. It disturbed Jessica at first because it was like he'd never been there. Though, you must have noticed the new flooring."

Steve nodded. "I did. I asked her about it and she claimed she knew a guy. She knows so many random people, I figured she did know a guy. I didn't think this guy was Bucky."

Loki shrugged.

"You left a bunch of crap behind when you ran off. I didn't pick any of it up for a month."

"I am so sorry—"

"Shut up. Let's get some sleep. I'll talk to Travel about getting a jet to Denver."

"Wonderful. Shall I inquire if Ms Maxinoff can be of aid and introduce myself?"

"If you think you can without getting into a fight with her."

"I've not a combative bone in my body."

Steve snorted.

* * *

 _I like you 'cause you like me / And you don't like much and that's okay / 'Cause fat babies have no pride_

 _-Lyle Lovette, "Fat Babies"_

* * *

Wanda had heard of the man called Loki, but meeting him was beyond words. His mind was chaotic at best. It was most like Stark's mind, moving at a million miles an hour, yet unlike Stark's mind it wasn't moving in a fashion that was at all familiar or easily discern.

They say there was beauty in chaos, yet Wanda was unable to find it passed the beautiful face that was before her— even with the now red eyes there was no denying the man was gorgeous. Almost painfully so.

"Hello," she cautiously greeted as the man sat down across the table.

He made eye contact with her and his mind cleared of the chaos and a single through flew through his mind: magic. Then the ache of regret, grief, loss, and depression hit her full force. She gripped the table, pitched forward, and gasped.

"Sorry," the man quickly apologized. "I have been told I feel nothing less than full force."

"That is correct," she agreed. She closed her eyes and worked to close her mind— something she'd learned quickly while with HYDRA. Once she was alone in her mind, she straightened and gave him a small smile. "That is better. You wished to meet me, I believe?"

"Of course," the man grinned, looking down at the food before him and not looking all that impressed.

Wanda, never having mastering cooking, generally took her meals in the cafeteria instead of using the state of art kitchen in her quarters. She did not spend much time in her quarters. She hated being alone.

He rested his head on a blue hand and Wanda stared.

"Your hand is blue."

"Is it?" he asked, jerking and looking at his hand. "It seems to be blue, would you look at that?"

Wanda scowled.

"Yes, it's blue. I have the power to shoot ice out of my limbs."

"I thought you were human."

"Are you not human?"

"I do not know what I am truly," Wanda admitted. "I am something else."

"True. You are enhanced. Or you might be Inhuman. Who knows?"

"And you know you are none of those things?"

"I was a half human-Frost Giant, but due to an event I'm sure you know all about, I lost the Frost Giant aspect of my physiology and became a mere mortal like the ones that populate this planet."

Wanda nodded. Steve Rogers thought of the event many times since she'd joined the Avengers.

"Turns out my birth mother was one of those a race called the Kree experimented on," he sighed, turning his hand around, then allowing it to join the other hand, weaving his fingers together and resting them on the table. "However, after being exposed to the mist that turns those with Kree DNA into Inhumans, I turned blue and shot ice out of my libs."

"And your eyes turned red," Wanda reminded him. "Does it affect your vision?"

"No. My eyes are simply a shade of red rather than something normal like blue or brown. I see no differently than I did before transmutation."

"Intriguing," Wanda murmured. "You wish to ask me something?"

"You did not see it when I saw down? I was thinking of it."

"Your mind is utter chaos. If I tried, I'd be hard pressed to find what I was looking for. The only mind I've found as chaotic was Stark's, but his fears were near the surface while he was near all the Chitari tech."

"Understandable," Loki agreed easily. "Are you aware of who the Winter Solider is?"

"An assassin used by HYDRA. They got him from the Russians. He was caught on camera when he attempted to take Nick Fury's life. Upon discovering the Winter Solider's true identity, Captain Rogers tried to jog his memory and since he vanished has been looking for him relentlessly," Wanda rattled off. "Have you found him?"

"No. I accidentally lost him," Loki lamented. "I sent him to take out a HYDRA base and he hasn't been heard from in almost two months."

Wanda frowned. "You've known where Sergeant Barnes was and you did not tell Captain Rogers?"

"No. Barnes wished not to be found. I provided what he wanted: missions to take out his oppressors. He did these for a year. He told me this would be his last one as he felt the need for revenge quenched. He then vanished."

"He said he was done."

"He had a home. He did not return to it."

"Maybe he wished to start over."

"Maybe, but he wouldn't have used his passport knowing full well I would track him when he failed to check in."

Wanda frowned. "He didn't check in to you, though, did he?"

"No. He checked in with the woman he lived with."

"Oh. How is she?"

"Worried," Loki replied. "Anyway, the last place he used his passport, his only form of ID, was to check into a flight to San Francisco with a layover in Denver."

"You and Captain Rogers are going and you wish for me to join you? Why?"

"I do not know your powers work," Loki admitted grudgingly. "Would you be able to feel his mind?"

"I might be able to," Wanda admitted. "I do not know him, though."

"I understand. Would you be willing to try?"

Wanda sat up straighter. "Of course. Captain Rogers took my brother and I in after we'd tried to kill him and his comrades. I wish to aid him find his friend."

A huge smile broke out across Loki's face and even though she was actively working on blocking currently, she was hit with a huge wave of happiness and fondness. She rocked a little.

"You're correct. You do not feel anything a little."

"Sorry."

He did not look sorry in the least.

* * *

 _It's a miracle that he survived / What are the chances that a man would be standn' there and take him home to his wife_

 _-Steve Martin & Edie Brickell, "Sarah Jane and the Iron Mountain Baby"_

* * *

"I am very pissed off at you."

"I understand."

"You're selfish."

"Yes. I've never denied that."

"Steve is an idiot for taking you back without kicking your butt."

"Would you like to do it for him?"

"Aw, hell no. I'm not kicking your butt now that you can freeze mine."

"I have total control over my powers, Samuel."

"I don't care. You fight dirty! I ain't ever getting in a fight with you willingly."

"I will."

Both men turned to find Natasha Romanov standing in the doorway of Sam's living room. Sam didn't bother to ask how she'd gotten there, even though he'd locked down his apartment when Loki arrived. Partly to prevent her from showing up to kick Loki's butt.

Stupid, really. If she wanted in, she'd get in.

"Not here. Samuel is worried about the furniture. He's rather fond of it."

"I am," Sam said, shrugging.

Natasha spared him a glance before closing the distance between herself and Loki and punching him in the nose. There was a loud crack and soon blood was dripping onto the white carpet.

"Aw, man! That's what I was trying to prevent!" Sam squawked, running off to get some towels, carpet cleaner, and the first aid kit for Loki. By the time he returned Loki had moved himself to the kitchen and was bleeding over the sink and Natasha was nowhere to be found. "Here. Let's set that nose so it'll be straight."

"Yes. I had a nose job recently. Best not mess it up."

"What? Why'd you have a nose job?"

"I froze my nose off."

"The whole thing?"

"Just the tip, but it was…uncomfortable until I had it fixed."

"No duh," Sam scoffed. "We'll wait for the bleeding to let up. She really socked you."

"I think it's not solely due to my leaving Steven behind to fight HYDRA," Loki quietly said. "What happened whilst I was away?"

"No idea, man. I was busy following dead ends on Bucky."

"Sorry."

"You were really good at covering his tracks."

"He was better at it than I," Loki smirked then cringed.

"Oh, this brings back memories," Sam chuckled. "What is with you and getting punched by girls?"

"Women, Samuel. Very strong, independent women."

"At least you've got at type," Sam snickered. "So, I hear we're going to San Fran via Denver. Mountain air and then some fog. And hills. Fog and hills."

"I have a feeling you do not actually enjoy San Francisco," Loki observed, checking to see if his nose had stopped gushing blood.

"Not really into California."

"You can remain behind."

"You know, I think I might. Nat might need help. I mean, if you don't mind. I know finding the memory deprived Bucky has been my deal, but—"

"Samuel, we're taking Wanda with us."

"Ah, good. I think. Do you think she'll be able to use her mind powers to find him?"

"That is the hope. We will see."

"Well, call me if you need me."

"We will. I doubt we will find him. He's likely long gone. I am simply concerned as he's not tried to contact Jessica."

"He always does?"

"Yes. The longest he took was two weeks and that was when he was trying to shake you and Steven off his tail."

"Oh! I remember that. Steve was an angry puppy for days. So close, yet so far."

Loki nodded sadly.

"Okay, let's set that nose."

Sam worked on putting Loki's nose back together (Natasha had made a mess, but not one Sam couldn't fix) and spent time studying Loki's red eyes.

"Creepy, correct?"

"No. Different is all."

"Bad guys have red eyes. Red is evil."

"Red is also the color of love," Sam offered. "And the color Thor wears a lot. And the color of Christmas, America, Britain, a handful of other countries—"

"China. Russia."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Lord Voldemort had red eyes because he'd sunk too deep into the Dark Arts."

"White rabbits have red eyes."

"And they are very creepy."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I bet Steve still likes them even though they're red."

"I've no idea his feelings on rabbit eyes."

Sam groaned.

Loki's mouth hitched up a little, but not far enough to pull on his tender nose.

"Okay. Go get cleaned up."

Loki paused, looking as if he was going to apologize again.

"Just go, man. I get it. I am mad as hell at you, but I'll get over it. But, you do it to him again I will cut you so bad you don't know what cut you so bad."

Sam waved a finger at Loki, who looked seldom, like the threat was real. Sam wasn't sure if he was joking or not until after Loki left and Sam was busy trying to get the red blood out of his white carpet.

"Yeah. I meant it. Don't want Nat ruining my carpet ever again," Sam muttered.

* * *

 _See the brightest ones of all / Early in October fall / That's the way it goes, that's the way / While the dark ones go to bed / With good whiskey in their head_

 _-Gillian Welch, "That's The Way"_


	7. Is This a Great State or What?

**Disclaimer: If you know it, I do not own it.**

* * *

 ** _Is This a Great State or What?_**

* * *

 _When you fall like a statue / I'm gon' be there to catch you / Put you on your feet, you on your feet_

 _-Phillip Phillips, "Gone Gone Gone"_

* * *

Laura was passed out cold. Clint smiled softly, easing Nate out of her arms, covering her up, and taking the fussing baby with him.

"You know, your siblings both zonked out after a feed. Only you'd still be awake, you brat."

The baby continued to fuss, so Clint moved the kid so he was being held upright and instantly he ceased making any noise. Clint rolled his eyes upward. Nate didn't want to cuddle, didn't want to lie down, didn't want to sleep. He spent the first two weeks he wasn't sleeping due to sheer exhaustion (he fought sleep like no other), fighting to get control of his neck muscles so he could sit up without his head flopping around. He now could hold his head unsupported, which pleased the little guy greatly.

Clint headed for the kitchen to get himself something to snack on. Nate gurgled, non-wobbly head moving around to take in everything.

"What are you doing up?"

Clint paused to hand off Nate to the woman seated in his kitchen. She took Nate and held him as he liked, sitting on her lap and supported via his under armpits. When Jess had arrived a few days prior, Clint didn't ask questions or make fun of her when she awkwardly tried to hold Nate like people are usually taught.

"So, you gonna tell me why you randomly showed up?" Clint asked. "Three am is a great time for getting things off your chest."

"He's gone."

Clint leaned against the counter and munched on one of Laura's breast milk inducing muffins. (What? They were really good.)

"He'll be back," Clint offered, wondering who she was talking about. He wasn't aware of anyone running away, other than Loki. And Jess knew Loki would come back when he was done "finding himself."

"No, he won't be back. If he hasn't come back by now, he's not going to come back."

"That's a gloomy outlook," Clint remarked, grabbing another muffin.

(He'd make Laura more tomorrow— or rather later today. Promise.)

"Not really."

"So, this guy left you and you're here because you can't get the support of your best friend because he ran away to be a super spy. Man, your life sucks."

Jess began to jiggle her leg, which Nate seemed to like judging by the gummy wide mouth expression he was wearing.

"I think he was kidnapped."

"And you've not called the cops because…"

"Because he's Bucky Barnes and no one would believe me!" she screeched, which Nate did not like as he let out a rather loud wail. She started bouncing her leg even more, which calmed Nate down. He stuck his fist into his mouth. Or tried. Mostly he just drooled all over himself.

"Bucky—wait, a second. Let me get this straight. This guy who…left you was Bucky Barnes?"

"Yes."

"Bucky Barnes also known as the Winter Solider," Clint said, cross his arms across his chest. "I know I'm sleep deprived, but you're trying to tell me that for the past year and a half you've been hanging out with the Winter Soldier while Rogers globe trots looking for this guy?"

"He lived with me," Jess said and launched into the entire story.

At end, Clint stared. Jess was one of his best friends. He might not be of her generation, have much in common with her past their adventure as Loki Mind Drones, but she was one of the best friends he had. She was different from Natasha because she wasn't a trained killer. She'd never killed anyone in her entire life (Clint didn't count Killian, as that was not Jess, but rather a mentally unbalanced witch and she didn't even remember it). Hell, she wouldn't even kill a spider that was freaking her out. Clint lost track of the times he'd walked into Steve's to find her staring at a glass on the floor where she'd trapped a spider.

She was gentle— like Laura.

She wasn't part of his SHIELD world— like Laura.

She was his ONLY friend who wasn't part of SHEILD (or whatever they were now).

He had his wife and kids and Jess who weren't part of SHIELD.

What did that say about him?

He needed to join BINGO or something.

"Okay, fine. So you're in love with a former Soviet-HYDRA assassin. I can fix this," Clint claimed.

Jess blinked at him blankly and jerked when Nate's head lolled onto his shoulder. The kid had zonked out. Jess carefully stood and put the baby in his portable bassinet that pretty much lived in the kitchen because that seemed to be the ONLY place he fell asleep. She stared at the sleeping baby (who was downright adorable).

"What do you mean I love him?"

Clint rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Damn it."

"What do you mean I love him?" Jess hissed, turning to face Clint. "I can't love him. He's the freaking Winter Solider."

Clint shrugged. "Fine. You don't love him."

"He doesn't even know what love is! He was asking everyone because he couldn't figure it out."

That was kind of adorable.

Oh, man, Clint needed sleep.

"He was brainwashed by HYDRA for decades and sent out to assassinate people. I'm pretty sure he killed Kennedy."

"Why?"

"Because he goes freakily blank every single time I mention Kennedy."

"You spend a lot of time talking about Kennedy?"

"No. I love Kill Hannah."

Clint blankly stared at her.

"A band. The band came to campus when I was a sophomore and I fell in love with one of their songs. It's called "I Wanna Be A Kennedy." He goes blank each time it comes on. And one time we watched one of those shows on the assassination on the History Channel and he was…blank the entire time. And he blinked a lot, which he does when he can't access the Winter Solider stuff that was wiped."

"So, you theorized the Winter Solider was sent to take out Kennedy?"

"He was anti-communist! And the whole Cuban Missile crisis! Who knows what the guy would have done with another term! His whole life!"

Jess pulled at her short blue hair. (She'd chopped off all her hair and died it a very, very, very dark blue that was almost black.)

"Come here. We're going outside before you shout down the entire house."

"But, the baby. You can't leave the baby alone in the house."

"He won't be alone, Jess. Laura's upstairs. Connor and Lila are in their rooms down the hall. And, look. Stark sent me this."

Clint yanked a drawer open and pulled out the baby monitor Stark had made. He set the little camera up, aimed it at the bassinet, and pulled up the app on his StarkPhone.

"Totally state of the art. I'll stare at it the whole time, but trust me. He's asleep and when he wakes up he'll tell us. We're just going on the porch."

"It's cold."

"Here. Blanket. Do you need anything?"

"No."

Clint wrapped up in the blanket. They both went outside and Clint glued his eyes to the screen of his phone and stared at the boring baby.

"You think HYDRA got him?"

"I don't know. Someone likely got him. I pinged his iLoki and found it in Thailand. I called Loki, who didn't answer and I think his phone is dead forever because it doesn't even ring."

Clint turned his head and looked at the woman. She was slowly destroying the flimsy shirt she was wearing, reverting it back to yarn and thread.

"Yeah. That's freaking me out. I called Jim to ask about Loki, but he was rather tight lipped about what was going on, then also stopped answering his phone. No one wants to talk to me."

"I do! I always answer now that SHEILD is dead and the Glow Stick is de-funked."

Jess smiled wanly and stared out into the distance, still shredding her shirt. "He said it was his last mission and now he's missing."

Clint sighed and stared out into his front yard, which was shrouded in darkness. He loved the country. He could see the sky filled with stars and airplanes, unlike in the city where there was too much light pollution too see much of anything other than low clouds on a cloudy night. Jess cleared her throat. Clint glanced at her before looking back at his phone screen. Nate was still sleeping and still totally boring.

"I know he asked you not to tell Steve, but I think you gotta tell Steve."

Jess sighed and made a noise that kind of hurt Clint's heart.

"He's going to kill me," she muttered.

"Naw. He might do that scary silent anger thing, but he won't kill you. One, you're a good person, and two, Loki likes you."

"Loki ran away."

"Yeah, but Steve still loves the idiot," Clint reminded her. "Loves him so hard he'll take the moron back the moment he drags his sorry ass home."

"Love sucks."

"Sometimes."

"He loves _Frozen_. Like to the point he has it memorized. He can perform the entire movie. Not very well, but he knows the whole thing."

"Please tell me you mean the Winter Solider and not Loki or Steve."

"Yeah. He goes by Sebastian, not Winter Solider."

"That's good," Clint allowed, peeking at her out the corner of his eye. "If he went by Winter Solider I'd be worried."

Jess tucked a chunk of blue hair behind her ear and sighed deeply. "I should tell Steve. I've been debating for two whole months if I ought to tell him or not."

"I can't believe you've been sitting on this for that long."

Jess cringed. "At first I thought he was just avoiding capture. It's happened before where he didn't call because he was avoiding someone, but the longest he'd been out of touch was two weeks. And then I got a letter."

"He sent you a letter?"

"Yeah. It only said ALIVE, but still. And he arrived a day later. This was before he had an iLoki. That arrived about a week after he'd been back."

"Everyone has an iLoki except for me and my monkey."

"You have a monkey?"

"No."

"Bust."

"Yeah. I'll get on that after I fix the bathrooms up. Or the living room. Wait, what was I going to remodel? I can't remember."

"No idea. I thought you were done after you fixed the barn?"

"Oh. I should do that too."

"I can't call Steve."

"Yeah, you can. Call him and cry. If you cry, he won't be able to be mad at you."

Jess gave him a look. Clint winked, then made a big show of looking back at his phone screen. As if on cue, Nate wailed, flaying his little fists, and Laura stumbled down the stairs blindly. Clint left Jess on the porch to aid his wife in her sleep deprived state feed their child.

Two hours later, Jess reappeared with red, puffy eyes and said, "You were right. I cried a lot and he only yelled at Loki."

"Loki was there?" Clint asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Did I wake you?"

"No," Clint lied, sitting up. Connor was holding his baby brother, showing the baby the joys of blocks. Nate was mostly gumming them. "I was cat napping."

"Sure."

"So, Loki's back?"

"Evidently. I think Steve was more pissed Loki hadn't told him than I was keeping it secret. They're going to go looking."

She looked dejected. Clint cocked his head to the side.

"I lost him. Once Steve finds him, he's not going to come back," she whispered.

"You always said you wanted out of the superhero game."

"He's the perfect homemaker, Clint. Sebastian is a homemaker at heart."

"Yes, but he's also the Winter Solider and if he remembers being Bucky, he will naturally wish to protect Steve's dumb ass."

Jess looked so forlorn Clint wished he hadn't said that, but it was the truth.

"I told him he was going to leave me for SHIELD. Everyone does."

"Don't stay that. You left us for snow and ice."

"The cold doesn't bother me."

"ANYWAY!" Lila sung out loudly and out of tune.

Connor groaned, burying his face in his little brother's fuzzy hair.

"And he isn't going to leave you for SHEILD. If anything, he's going to leave you for the Avengers. Totally different. The Avengers pay is…dismal."

Jess sighed, giving him a look, but walked off without saying a further word.

"Did her boyfriend break up with her?" Lila asked.

"Kinda," Clint allowed, yawning deeply. "Where's your mom?"

"Sleeping. It's all you two do any more. You are so boring," Lila complained. "And now that Jess's boyfriend broke up with her she's boring too. Adults are all boring."

"I love being boring," Clint bragged. "Now, did we eat breakfast?"

"No! Pancakes!" both kids exclaimed as Nate began to fuss and Laura came stumbling down the stairs.

"You know, Mom, that is just freaky the way you do that," Connor remarked, handing over his baby brother to Laura.

"It's Mom Magic," Laura claimed, taking Nate and plopping down on the couch. "Where's Jess?"

"Crying her eyes out," Lila supplied, bouncing up and down. "Her boyfriend broke up with her and Steve is stealing him."

Laura blinked a few times as she blindly moved to feed Nate.

"Steve stole her boyfriend? I thought she didn't have a boyfriend? Just a weird vet she picked up and was letting live with her. And why would Steve steal him? He sounded like a disaster."

"She told you about Sebastian but not me?" Clint asked, feeling insulted as he began to mix up the pancakes. "Some best friend. Tells my wife juicy details but not me."

"You were in DC trying to help Nat out," Laura reminded him. "Then doing Avenger stuff. We both know better than to call you while you're doing that, so she called me."

"And she told you about a vet she picked up off the side of the road?"

"Well, no. She said he came into the salon," Laura admitted, waking up further. She rubbed her eyes. "And he didn't have a place to live, so since he was a vet and stuff, she took him in. She's part superhuman, or something. I was worried he'd steal all her stuff, but that didn't happen. She seemed happy. And he fed her."

"She tell you anything else?"

"He made friends with people in these classes he took in the city and some coffee shop. He liked cooking. We maybe only talked three times since she'd let the guy move in, so we didn't talk about it often. She never mentioned him to you? Didn't you go visit?"

"Yeah. I couldn't tell anyone lived there besides her."

"Really?"

"But, that makes sense. Wouldn't want her Avengers friends to know he was there."

"Where did he go?"

"HYDRA hunting," Clint supplied.

"Hydras regrow heads," Connor randomly proclaimed.

"Correct," Clint said, pointing at Connor with the frying pan. "Now, who wants to help Dad make the pancakes?"

"ME!" Lila exclaimed, scrambling into the kitchen.

After pancakes were eaten and Nate had been fed and was napping, Clint's phone rang. He looked at it, sighed, and answered.

"Yeah?"

"She told you."

"Yes."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Because you were asleep. She told me this morning at three am. Did you want me to call you then?"

Silence.

"Steve tell you?"

"Yes. I was right there, Clint. I was there. I saw him."

"You did?"

"Yes. Steve sent me to Thailand for the lead. I went because I thought…"

"Bruce might be there?"

"He likes tropical climates."

"Okay. You saw Barnes and just let him go?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because he blew up the lab. And he saw me first. I only saw him because he let me," Natasha realized and cursed in Russian. "He knew he was being tailed by more than one organization. HYDRA was there. And the ATCU."

"The what?"

"You'll be briefed if you ever come back on duty."

"Okay. So, you knew multiple groups were after him?"

"I took out the HYDRA agents. The other group is US government."

"Ah. Okay. I guess they'd want him, too."

"Several governments want him, several private organizations want him, and several individuals are after him. Steve sees none of this, though."

"Likely because they see Steve and hide."

Nat snorted.

"So, what's the deal?"

"Steve and Loki are taking Wanda out for a spin."

"Natasha Romanov that sounds so dirty you should be ashamed of yourself."

Clint didn't need to see the smirk to know it was there.

"Okay, so they've got a plan."

"Yeah. Loki tracked his fake passport to a flight to San Francisco via Denver, so that's where they are starting."

"A good place to start."

"Yeah."

"What?"

"Steve should just leave this be. He's not worth it."

"Nat, listen to yourself."

"He's not. He's the Winter Solider."

"Not from what I hear. I hear he's Sebastian Stan and loves baking. He can frost a mean cupcake."

"He is a HYDRA tool. He will always be a HYDRA tool. He is not worth—"

"Some said that about you," Clint remarked. "I didn't agree and here we are."

There was a beat of silence before, "I was never a HYDRA tool."

"No, but you were a brainwashed tool."

Natasha let out a noisy breath through her nose. "How's Nate?"

"Finally deciding that napping isn't for the weak."

"Good. I need to go."

"Okay. But, you need to understand, Steve will never see the Winter Solider as anyone other than Bucky Barnes. No matter what."

"I know."

Natasha hung up. Clint sighed and felt a storm brewing.

"I feel like a war is going to start soon," Jess said quietly from behind him. Clint turned and gave her a tired look. "Washington and it's idiots have already started it, really, with the trials they held after the fall of SHEILD. And after the whole Ultron mess? It's going to get worst. And do you know what? Marvel did always love to challenge it's characters and do political things."

"They're going to make superheroes register, aren't they?" Clint quietly asked, trying to remember his comic books. "Anyone with powers or access to special equipment. They're going to make them go public and try to keep track."

Jess nodded, looking disgusted. "It's what people do when they're scared or full of hate, right?"

"Yeah. Did you talk to Loki?"

"He froze his iPhone when…well, he's one of the enhanced humans now and froze his phone with his new frozen powers."

"Why is _Frozen_ such a theme in our lives?"

"Do you wanna build a snowman?"

"No. Go away, Jessica."

"Okay. Bye."

"Wait, don't really go away."

"I wasn't. Anyway, what are you going to do? I mean, you're not super, you don't have super special equipment. You have a bow and arrow."

"Yeah, but I'm wicked at using them."

"True. But, whose side are you going to be on?"

"The one that will protect my identity and keep my family safe from the prying eyes of the world."

"And who do you think will do that?"

"Not the government," Clint grumbled. "I'm getting too old for this."

"We could just sit around singing 'Let It Go' and see what happens."

Clint let out a belt of a laugh. "That'd be hilarious if we all just sat around having a sing off to _Frozen_ songs."

" _THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY!"_

 _"DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOW MAN? DO YOU WANNA GO AND PLAY?"_

 _"WE FINISH EACH OTHERS-"_

 _"SANDWICHES!"_

 _"WINTER IS A GOOD TIME TO STAY IN AND CUDDLE, PUT ME IN SUMMER AND I'LL BE A—"_

 _"PUDDLE!"_

 _"_ That's not how it goes," Lila said from the doorway to the living room. "Why are you yelling _Frozen_ songs?"

"Fighting a war," Jess proclaimed, pumping her fist in the air. "How about we watch the movie?"

Lila's eyes lit up and she grabbed Jess's hand, dragging her off. Clint chuckled, picturing Steve and Tony screaming the lyrics across each other on the battlefield. He sobered up when he realized that could actually happen. (Well, maybe not the shouting _Frozen_ lyrics at one another.)

* * *

 _When enemies are at your door / I'll carry you away from war / If you need help, if you need help_

 _-Phillip Phillips, "Gone Gone Gone"_


	8. Crossroads of the Revolution

**Disclaimer: If you know it, I fail to own it.**

* * *

 ** _Crossroads of the Revolution_**

* * *

 _We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away / Used to dream of outer space, but now they're laughing at our face_

 _-Twenty One Pilots, "Stressed Out"_

* * *

"You're back?"

"I'm here for you, Leopold."

"Me? Or could you not live with the fact you didn't understand something?"

"Leopold Fitz, I wish to return Jemma from wherever she went."

Leopold gave Loki a searching look.

"You've been doing this on your own for months," Loki gently said.

"You went home."

"I did," Loki sighed. "I needed to go home."

"I know, but Jemma—"

"Does not like me," Loki gently reminded Fitz.

"She would have done—"

"And I did," Loki said, setting down his tablet on the table. "I combed over the symbols, the intervals the Monolith goes liquid, the readings, the rumors, the legends. I got to know FRIDAY to a depth I do not care to as she is not JARVIS."

Leopold looked pained at the mention of the death of JARVIS but nodded. "FRIDAY…is she…"

"Works just as well, but a very different personality."

"And nothing? You've got nothing?"

"I found this."

Loki opened a file and pushed the tablet at Leopold. "They say this scroll is connected with the culture that first recorded what the Monolith did. It's from the days of before your savior."

"The Monolith is older than the pyramids. It's older than anything on the planet."

"True, but it was not recorded until maybe a few centuries before Jesus arrived."

"Did he really?"

"That, I cannot answer as I was not yet born," Loki reminded Leopold. "I was born in 1048 AD, remember?"

Leopold shook his head, clutched the tablet, and stared at the image of the scroll. "Where is it?"

"With some terrorists."

"Seriously?"

"I've traced it to Iraq. After your last president raided the country, a lot of the museums were plundered during the chaos of wartime. This was in one of them and I believe the man who has it will only trade for weapons of mass destruction."

"Good thing I have some," Leopold muttered, plowing out of the lab with Loki's tablet.

"He was almost ready to give up," Barbara Morse grumped, coming up behind Loki.

Loki glanced at her before looking back at what Leopold had been working on when Loki had entered the lab. "No, he is nowhere close."

"Yes, he was giving up. There were no other leads and he could finally concentrate—"

"On nothing," Loki snapped, rounding on the woman. "Love cannot be reasoned with, cannot be ignored, Agent Morse. I am sure you know that. Love is the reason you are here speaking with me now."

Morse pressed her lips together and shifted her weight off her bum knee, glowering at being reminded what her ex-husband did for her after Ward and his minion kidnapped her. Loki took a step closer.

"He will never give up, he will never stop until he gets suck into that Monolith himself."

"She could be dead."

"She's not. She's Jemma Simmons. She has the iLoki that Leopold and I worked on to extend the life of the battery. She is resourceful. And she's got a reason to fight for her life."

Morse looked doubtful but said nothing.

"I know she feels the same as him," Loki assured.

"Please," Morse sighed deeply, looking at Loki as if he were stupid. "She and Tripp were flirting up a storm. She and Fitz don't flirt."

"In their own way they do. Where is Tripplett?"

"Got his own team," Morse replied, folding her arms across her chest. "After you left, Coulson reorganized. Daisy and Mack go Inhuman recruiting, I'm stuck in the lab because I was stupid enough to major in biology, Hunter and Tripp hunt down HYDRA cells, and I've no idea where Smiling Jimmy went. Coulson is really tight lipped about where he sent Jimmy."

"Agent May has yet to return from her vacation?" Loki asked, feeling surprised.

"Nope."

Loki frowned. "That's not good. How is Coulson?"

"How do you think he is?" Morse snarked, shifting her stance again and looking annoyed at the betrayal her body was dishing out. "He's holding it together, but he's getting a little…dangerous. That new government agency is getting the better of him."

The pair stared at one another for a long beat before looking away.

"You better look after Fitz. He's reckless."

"I know, Agent Morse. And I shall. Though you've got to admit, it's nice to have him back."

Morse sighed heavily through her nose. "I just wish it was for a better reason he fully recovered."

"As do I. As do I."

"Go see Coulson. And please look over Fitz's fake hand Coulson's wearing. It's creepy as hell."

"I shall. I have a few ideas," Loki allowed, thinking about Sebastian's arm. He really wished the man would have allowed someone close to it, but tragically the man was a little too trigger happy for anyone to get close enough to examine it. And now he was somewhat MIA. "Anything else occur whilst I've been gone?"

"No. Daisy is itching for you to come back and join her superhero team. It's still only her and Mack. None of the Inhuman's we've helped through their transformation have stuck around."

"Not everyone wants to be a solider, Agent Morse."

"Did you ever?"

Loki smiled sadly. "It was all I ever wanted."

* * *

 _High-rollers crap out every time, roll a soldier's bones like loaded dice / War is the beast that makes every mother cry / It's been this way since the get go_

 _-Willie Nelson, "The Get Go"_

* * *

"This is going to end badly."

"More badly than our past attempts have?" Leopold asked without humor.

"Yes. I do not like you going in alone."

"I gotta go in alone. I can't take you with me," Leopold insisted. "You look like you're going to pass out."

"So does everyone else."

"You just don't want to admit there are things you do not know," Leopold snapped, fidgeting with the burner phone waiting for the terrorist to text him the meetup location.

"There is plenty I do not know," Loki snapped right back. "I don't know what the Monolith is, I do not know where Jemma went, I do not know what the hell you are going to do once you meet with a bunch of terrorists without backup, and I do not know how these people deal with this infernal heat!"

Leopold glared with all his might. "You are my backup, you twit!"

"I'll be blocks away!" Loki shouted.

"Because I have to go alone! They'll be paying attention!"

Loki sighed deeply, swiping at the sweat beading down his forehead in the desert air. Loki had never enjoyed hot climates before, but now they were unbearable. It took everything within him not to freeze himself just to get some relief.

The burner phone beeped.

"I made you a portable air conditioner, remember? Where is it? Ah, here. You can set it on the lowest setting and I won't complain when I get into the car and it's arctic."

Loki grabbed the contraption and set it on the seat next to him. He waited until Leopold and his suitcase full of Splinter Bombs was out of the car before he flicked the switch on. He let out a sigh of relief as the cold air blew onto his hip. Slowly it spread till the whole car was freezing cold. He turned the thing down a few notches when he saw his breath. While Leopold said he'd let Loki use it at the lowest setting, Loki wasn't evil. He wouldn't make Leopold sit in below freezing temperatures even if he kept dragging Loki to tropical and desert locations in their quest for information on the Monolith.

Loki waited a tense twenty minutes before he spotted Leopold. He started the car as Leopold got in and screamed for him to go. Within seconds, bullets flew through the back windshield.

"We're going to have to pay for that! I knew we shouldn't have gotten a rental!" Loki shouted, turning the wheel. He used the opportunity to blow out his own window (might as well total the car as it was highly unlikely they'd give it back in one piece) and shot ice at the ground under the car that was following them.

The chase car hit the ice and spun out. Loki went back to calmly driving. Now that he'd lost the window, though, he did turn the AC unit to the lowest setting. He glanced over at Fitz, who with shaking hands unwrapped what he'd gotten from the terrorists. His eyebrows knitted together.

"Does this look familiar?" Leopold inquired, extending the delicate scroll towards Loki.

Loki glanced at it before his stomach sunk.

"Death."

"What?!"

"It's a symbol for death," Loki muttered, going back to driving them out of town to the out of the way airstrip the Quinjet was parked at.

Fitz deflated. "Death. Great."

"But, it could also mean plenty of other things," Loki tried. "We will have to research it when we get back."

"It's been six months, Loki," Fitz snapped. "This was…this was supposed to bring her home."

"And it might. Just because it means death to me, doesn't mean that was the originally meaning. That scroll is old and it is tied to the Monolith. And it's older than dirt because the writings are nothing I recognize."

"Can we get the Aether back?"

"No," Loki said. Part of Loki did want to go get it from the Collector so maybe it'd allow them to read whatever language was on the Monolith, but that was a bad idea for everyone. "But, once we're back at the Playground, I think we might need to speak to Coulson about bringing in Asgardian help."

"Thor? Sif?" Leopold asked, looking doubtful. "Is there someone else in that world—"

"No. On this world," Loki explained, grinning sharply. "Someone who has been here longer than I."

"You've not been here all that long compared to who I think you're talking about."

"Quite right. Let us go relieve Coulson of his worry, research the symbol, and then go see our Asgardian friend."

* * *

 _You're not the big fish in the pond no more / You are what they're feeding on / So what are you gonna do when the world don't orbit around you?_

 _-Paramore, "Ain't It Fun"_

* * *

"Elliot Randolph, how I wish to have met you under different circumstances," Loki sighed, taking in the overly crowded jail cell. It looked more like a professor's study than a place of punishment.

"Prince Loki?" Randolph asked, slowly getting to his feet and looking confused.

"Tis I," Loki proclaimed, throwing his arms out. He lifted his sunglasses and grinned wildly as Randolph gasped and stumbled backward. "How did you know it was me? No one else seems to see me."

"You…you…you…"

"Have red eyes? Yes, that seems to be the case."

"Loki," Coulson sighed, pinching his nose. "We need his help, do not scare him. Hello, I see you've been locked up for being drunk and disorderly."

"Hello, uh, yes."

"You've lost your Asgardian accent," Loki lamented. "And here I was hoping to hear one."

"Loki," Coulson scolded. "Shut the hell up."

"I think not."

"Loki," Leopold pleaded. He pushed Loki to the side and pulled out the scroll. "We need to know what this means."

Randolph looked at it and said, "Death."

Leopold sighed.

"It's connected to a portal," Coulson remarked, picking at his nails.

Morse sighed deeply behind Loki. He glanced at her to find her itching to do something, anything. He was pretty sure she'd mop the floor simply for something to occupy her hands.

"I love portals," Loki offered, turning his attention back to Randolph. "Portals open and all sorts of fun things happen. Like the time I fell through one. Twice. In two bodies. Fun times."

Randolph pressed his lips together.

"You don't like when things threaten your cushy life, do you?" Loki guessed, cocking his head to the side and smirking.

"You know that means death. It's got no other meaning," Randolph insisted.

"Oh, I am not saying you're wrong. You've lived history, lived through things we only are able to read second or third hand," Loki stepped closer, gripping the bars in his gloved hands. Randolph looked leery at Loki's closeness and what he feared lingered under the gloves. Loki sneered. "I am sure you've heard all sorts of stories about me, and yet you were long gone from Asgard by the time the All-Father had brought me from Jotunheim."

"What."

Loki grinned, all teeth.

"Loki," complained Coulson.

"We need your help. We've got this stone that goes liquid and can transport…somewhere," Morse offered, grabbing Loki by the scruff of his neck and dragging him away from the bars. "Will you cool it? I know you're the so-called God of Mischief, but honestly. You'd think you never asked for help before."

Coulson snorted.

"A rock that goes liquid?" Randolph inquired, cocking his head to the side.

"Covered in symbols I've never seen before," Loki grumbled, straightened his shirt and glaring at Morse. "I am likely the best-read person on Asgard. Or I was the best-read person on Asgard. Not sure who takes the mantle now that I'm forever gone."

Randolph took a step closer to the bars.

"You're not just a Frost Giant, are you?"

"I am nothing, but that's a story we'll share after we've solved this problem. Mind getting yourself out of there and coming with us to check out this portal that could kill everyone on Earth?"

"Loki—" Coulson started, but Randolph had already grabbed the bars and moved them aside. Loki smiled wildly as Randolph stepped into the hallway with them and Coulson sighed deeply.

"Remind me why we brought him with us?" Coulson asked Morse.

"Because you can't tell him what to do," Morse groused.

* * *

 _I like to think that we had it all / We drew a map to a better place / But on that road, I took a fall_

 _-Maroon 5, "Maps"_

* * *

"Oh."

"What?"

"I've seen this before. It was a long time ago. It was at a party. Oh, it was a great party."

"How are you able to get drunk off mortal alcohol?" Loki inquired.

"I make my own."

"Ah. Did you bring your own to this party?"

"Of course, but before I was too drunk, I remember seeing that symbol. It was above a doorway and I remember wondering what had possessed them to carve a symbol of death into their doorway. It's not something you carve into stone above your doorway, let alone in your eighteenth-century castle."

"When? When did you say?" Leopold asked, rounding the case that held the Monolith.

"I think it was the eighteenth century. Or was I in the eighteenth century and the castle was older?"

"No idea," Loki drawled. "The liquid?"

"I cannot believe you didn't figure that out," Randolph sighed. "It reacts to something on the other planet it's connected to."

"Are we sure it's only one?" Morse asked.

"Yes," Loki, Randolph, and Leopold answered.

"That sand I found on it," Leopold reminded Morse. "That proves it only goes one place because when we dusted it with the robot, it was all from one place, not multiple ones."

"Portals also don't usually go to more than one place," Loki said. "Unless there's a great source of power behind them. This? Not so much."

"It's got power," Randolph said, frowning. "I can feel it, can't you?"

Loki scowled. "I know it is dangerous to me. That is all I feel from it. It makes my destruction."

"You've never said that," Coulson said. "What do you mean?"

"The Inhumans believed that it was a Kree device created to do to them great harm. It is not Kree, but it will be my end. I do not know why, just a feeling. In here."

Loki pointed to his chest, hoping Coulson would understand. Randolph frowned and looked back at the thing as it went liquid and sloshed around the containment unit.

"You really think it's something on the other planet that makes it go liquid?" Loki asked.

Randolph shrugged. "Better than anything else I can guess. Also, Kree? Why do I know that?"

"They were here shortly after the completion of the Ice Wars," Loki said. "They were here for maybe a century. I met them near the end of the tenure when…I discovered the paths between Realms."

Randolph's eyes went huge. "You can do that?"

"Not anymore," Loki stated. "Thor and his merry band of idiots dragged me off after a month and by the time I returned, the Kree were gone as were their test subjects. Or so I thought."

"Kree…they're…oh."

Randolph blinked several times, staring at Loki as if he had three heads. Loki shifted uncomfortably.

"You're half human. That's why you're so short."

"Yes," Loki tightly replied. "We've figured this out."

"You said the All-Father adopted you?"

"Yes."

"I wondered how you'd gotten here," Randolph whispered, turning away and tapping his fingers on his lips. "I remember when Thor came to Earth with his friends, well, before that misadventure in New Mexico."

"You came because the Bifrost was open," Loki guessed.

Randolph nodded. "It'd not opened since the war ended and the last of Asgard's forces had gone to Jotunhiem."

Loki nodded. "Are you sure you've not seen this before?"

Randolph turned and stared at the thing harder. "The Kree forces that showed up came in ships. They landed somewhere else, not where you had met the group. I hung around maybe two months after you'd left to make sure you and Thor did not come back. It's weird how mythology works, isn't it? The Norse had all your names, but you'd yet to be born. Thor's how much older than you?"

"Not much," Loki tightly admitted. "He was young enough to not realize how children were born and never questioned it."

Randolph chuckled. "I doubt anyone paid much attention. We were at war and only had one heir."

Loki nodded. "They were likely relieved to have a spare."

"Anyway, so I hung out where you'd been. I did notice they were doing something, but I didn't really care until more strangers showed up. Nothing dramatic happened, but half the village vanished overnight. I wonder…"

Loki shuddered, realizing what Randolph was implying.

"The Kree brought this thing there?"

"I doubt they brought it," Randolph said. "There are legends about it that go back to the Egyptians. The Kree were here when?"

"Multiple times," Loki said. "The one we met didn't give us a time frame but alluded the faction had tried this many times before. Also, since my birth mother was one of those with the DNA altered by the Kree, we know they were here before the time I ran into them."

Randolph nodded. "I think the Kree knew what this thing was. What's the best way to get rid of something you don't want anyone to find?"

"Shove them to a portal to a hostile world," Loki flatly stated.

Leopold shuddered.

"So, how do we get there?" Coulson asked.

Randolph put a fist to his mouth and turned back to the Monolith. "Well, I think we should go visit the castle. It's in England. Can we go there quickly?"

"Yeah. It's just a skip and hop away," Coulson sighed. "Where in England is this castle?"

"Not sure. I'll have to look it up."

"There are like a million castles in England," Morse pointed out as Loki handed the tiny Asgardian his tablet. "It'll be like finding a needle in a haystack."

"Not really. I'll know it when I see it," Randolph said, flicking his finger through various images of castles. "Ah, this is it."

Loki snatched the tablet. "Let's go to Devon. We ought to take Nicholls. He's from there."

"Agent Nicholls is busy."

"Where is he?" Loki prodded. "I've not seen him since I came back."

"He's busy," Coulson stated again. "Where exactly are we going?"

* * *

 _I spent a lot of nights on the run / And I think, oh, like I'm lost and can't be found / I'm just waiting or my day to come_

 _-The Strumbellas, "Spirits"_

* * *

"Where is James?"

Daisy looked up, wondering why Loki was in her room. He never came into her room. Especially without knocking.

"I don't know," she bit out, glaring at the red-eyed giant. "Coulson won't tell any of us and Jim hasn't been in contact with any of us since Coulson sent him off. I was hoping you'd know where he'd gone."

Loki's whole body sagged and he leaned against the door frame.

"Sorry. I do not. And since FRIDAY has decided to hate me, I cannot use her to find him. I do not know how anyone in this day and age vanishes without a trace, but James has managed it."

"You ever find Bucky Barnes?"

Loki looked guilty.

"You did? God, I was going to offer him as someone else who's vanished without a trace."

"I found him, then lost him," Loki admitted, sitting down across from her. "I'm worried for Coulson."

"I am too. AC seems…a little too intense."

"I agree. And this…woman in charge of ATCU?"

Daisy shuddered. "I cannot stand the thought of her and her organization."

"Nor can I. I do not understand why Coulson wishes to work closely with them."

"I don't either."

The pair sat in silence for a solid minute before Daisy asked, "How do you think Jemma's doing?"

"Adjusting."

Daisy nodded, picking at a loose thread on her comforter. "She's hiding something."

"I agree."

Sky looked up. Loki was studying his nails.

"Any idea what?"

"Likely that there was someone else with her on that planet," Loki said, twisting his blue hands together then stretching them out before him. "There is no way she is as sane as she is if she were alone for six months."

Daisy nodded. "Yeah. I read about solitary confinement. You all go whacko. How are you not a fruit loop? Didn't they have you locked up alone for six months?"

"I was never truly alone," Loki wistfully admitted. "Thor and my mother visited, as did Odin. Not that he spoke to me. He stood there and stared at me like I was a puzzle he needed to solve."

Daisy snorted at that image, not that she knew what Odin looked like passed king-like and huge, as he was Thor's daddy and Thor was gigantic.

"Why wouldn't Simmons tell us about this other person?"

"Could be because the person was an alien, was insane themselves, or…she is guilty."

"Of what?"

"Living."

Daisy shivered. "We always have such cheery convos, Lokes."

"I know. I've not seen you much since I've returned. How are you doing?"

Daisy shrugged. "Good enough. We got another Inhuman and I think he'll join. He's…well, there's nothing for him to go back to. Mostly due to the loud noise he made when we brought him in. I mean, most of the ones we find, their powers don't emerge in such a way they bring down city blocks."

"What is his power?"

"He melts metal," Daisy grinned. "It's actually kind of cool. I've been working with him to learn control. I didn't think I'd be any good at teaching, but Mary taught me her methods."

Loki snorted. "I am sure she is a great help."

"She is. She's like, literally, the only person from Afterlife who is willing to help us. Mack and I went to see Lincoln— OMG, I didn't tell you."

Loki cocked his head to the side, opening his eyes wide and raising his eyebrows to his hairline. Daisy ignored his sass and explained the monster they'd come across when they'd gone to talk to Lincoln again. Loki's expression morphed from mockingly interested into horrified.

"You believe he's an Inhuman?"

"Or a freaking alien, but how he was so single-minded in going after Lincoln leads me to wonder if he was a Kree."

"No. The last Kree here said they were done. He was the last one they were going to send to clean up their mess. Also, if we've learned anything about the Kree, they tend to blend in with their surroundings."

"True. So, Inhuman."

"Who is going after other Inhumans?"

"Maybe? I don't like it, but what else?"

"You are likely correct. How many times are you going to attempt to recruit Lincoln before you give up?"

Daisy shot Loki an annoyed look.

"Let him live his life as he wishes. As I am repeating multiple times, not everyone wants to be a solider."

"I'm not a solider."

"Yes, Daisy Johnson, you've become one."

* * *

 _Though I've never been through hell like that / I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back_

 _-Fun. "Carry On"_

* * *

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Are you sure you can't grow me a new hand?"

"Do you want it to work?" Mary Harrison asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. "If not, then sure. I'll grow you one. I can regrow bone, skin, and cartilage. I can't do nerves."

"Then how does Loki feel the tip of his nose?"

"He doesn't," Mary pointed out. "Ever ask him about it?"

"No," Phil conceded.

"He didn't even notice till his nose had been fixed for three days and he ran into a door," Mary chuckled. "So, now you know the drawback of my power. I can't regrow limbs. But, if you break your leg, let me know."

Mary winked, walking off. Phil sighed again as Alisha stood next to him, frowning.

"What?"

"She really likes you," Alisha said. "She never tells people that. I mean, I know because she regrew my finger. It's got no feeling. I've lost track of the times I've burned it on the curling iron. Usually only realize it because it smells."

Phil shuddered.

"And it's really stiff," she offered, showing him how her pinkie finger didn't bend all the way. "She's healed my broken arm and it's fine, but regrowing stuff…not her strong suit."

"Fine. No new hand for me. I am going to go cry now about it in my clubhouse."

Alisha stared at him blankly.

"Never mind. Let's go plan our mission. I know you're only here because you trust Doctor Harrison."

"Yes. She likes you, so I'll ask for your help in this: there is some sort of monster tracking down the people who went through transformations at Afterlife."

"Yes, we've met him."

"When he went after Lincoln Campbell, I know. I'm worried."

"Hence why you're here," Phil concluded.

"Yes. I'd rather have you on my side than against me."

"I'd like to recruit Inhumans," Phil stated.

"I know. Mary told me," Alisha said. "That's also why I am here. The ATCU isn't our friend, they wish to either cure us or imprison us. You employ Inhumans. Also, the ones who have gone through transformations from the fish oil pills, you've let the ones who didn't want to join go free."

"I will not hold anyone hostage unless they are a danger. So far, everyone's gotten a hold on their powers and went on their merry way."

"And we thank you for that. Powers need to be controlled," Alisha agreed. "I believe we can set up another Afterlife."

"Another one?"

"Yes. You've already set up one in a sense. Afterlife was only accessible through Gordon, which protected our small group, but now…"

"The group is expanding too fast," Phil quickly said not wanting to revisit the death of the teleporter.

"Correct," Alisha agreed, looking sad, but moving on. "I have an idea where we can start to recruit."

"I'm listening."

* * *

 _He is working through the unimaginable / His hair has gone gray, he passes every day / They say he walks the length of the city_

 _-Kelly Clarkson, "It's Quiet Uptown"_

* * *

"Loki."

"Leopold, it's three in the morning."

"You need to come back."

Loki groaned, pressing his face into the pillow, phone still to his ear. Next to him, Steven shifted.

"I am in the middle of something."

"You don't sound like you're having sex."

Loki pressed his face further into the pillow and let out a muffled scream. He sat up and rested his hands on his head.

"I meant, I am on a short vacation."

"Loki, you don't understand. I found something. Major. HYDRA."

"Something major HYDRA?" Loki echoed and Steven shot up so fast Loki was worried something had bitten him.

"Where's HYDRA?" Steven asked, looking around. "Does he have a lead?"

"LOKI!" Leopold shouted.

"Sorry, Steven, no. You've got a one-track mind. And Leopold, I need more. As I said—"

"You're on a sex holiday."

Loki closed his eyes. "I am not on a sex holiday."

"Yes. You are. This is more important. I need you."

"Loki?" Steven gently asked, rubbing his bare shoulder. "If it's important you can go. We're done."

"OH MY GOD!" Leopold shouted over the line. "DON'T BREAK UP WITH HIM!"

Steven looked perplexed, so Loki muted the phone while Leopold continued to shout. "Are you sure? There might be another lead if—"

"He's not here. He is long gone. Wanda can't feel anything familiar to what she felt when she found him in Mexico City."

The pair exchanged looks. Loki still felt revulsion at the sight of the lab they'd discovered on the outskirts of Mexico City. Sebastian was long gone and whoever had caught him were long dead.

"We're not going to find him now," Steven said sadly. "So you can go back to your SHEILD buds."

Loki reached out and squeezed Steven's hand.

"We'll head back tomorrow and start searching fresh. Now assure Fitz I'm not breaking up with you."

Loki un-muted the phone.

"I AM SO SORRY, LOKI! LOKI!"

"Fitz, it's fine!" Steven shouted. "We're not breaking up."

"Oh. Okay. Can I have Loki?" Leopold asked.

"To keep him or borrow him?"

"BORROW! I JUST WANT TO BORROW HIM! FOR JEMMA!"

That got Loki's attention. After Jemma had come clean about the fact she had not spent six months by herself, Leopold had been hell-bent on finding a way to get the man she'd been with.

It made Loki's heart ache with how much Leopold Fitz loved Jemma Simmons, even if she was in love with another man. Loki glanced at Steven.

Steven would likely do the same. For anyone he loved, not just Loki. Selfishly, Loki wished it were just him.

"What did you find that connects what you're doing to HYDRA?"

"I can't send it, so please just come."

"I will, but send it through the iLoki."

"Oh, yeah."

Leopold hung up and Loki fell backward. A second later his other phone beeped. Holding it up to his face, Loki opened the attachment. Loki turned the phone several times, then dropped it.

"Bloody hell."

"What?"

"HYDRA has been around a long time, I believe. I'm…"

Loki jumped out of bed and began to yank his pants on.

"Leaving me hanging?"

"No. Here. Look."

Loki tossed Steven his phone as he yanked his shirt on and began to button it while tossing things into his overnight bag. He grabbed his passport (US Embassy), slipping his shoes on as he did.

"It's the same symbol you found on the scroll, only upside down."

"It was in the castle," Loki reminded his boyfriend. He grabbed his leather jacket. "Which was built long after the Monolith and not by anyone Jewish."

Steve frowned. "This is Jewish, right?"

"Hebrew."

"Yeah. Okay. How are you going to get back quickly?"

Loki smirked, pulling his phone out and dialing. "Good morning, Mr Stark."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. I need a plane."

"I gave you one."

"No, I need one that can leave in less than an hour."

"I don't store planes in…where ever you are."

"Then give me a suit."

"No!"

"Then give me a plane."

"Fine. Where the hell are you?"

"Mexico City."

Stark grumbled. "There's no way I— fine. FINE! Pepper says I have to give you a suit. Where you are going?"

Loki gave him the coordinates and hung up. An hour later he was on his way. The suit flew him to the coordinates, landed, threw him out, and took off. Loki rolled his eyes, dusting himself off. He walked to the waiting car and slid in.

"I was the only one awake," Leopold explained. "Bobbi and Hunter didn't think too much of my findings, so I called you."

Loki sighed. "We'll find more."

"Sorry to cut short your sex holiday," Leopold said, starting the car and heading towards the Playground. "How the hell did you get Stark to give you a suit?"

Loki snorted. "I didn't. Ms Potts told him to let me have it, likely because I called at three thirty in the morning."

"Wouldn't it be—"

"Actually it was two thirty, as they are an hour behind of us in Malibu."

"Ah. Okay."

"And I think they just arrived and are jet lagged."

"So, you didn't sweet talk anyone."

"No. It's not as fun as you'd think flying in that thing. It's kind of, well, it's like crammed into a tube."

"A really neat tube."

"If you say. It's a quick way to travel and not one I'd ask for often."

"You thought this was pressing enough?"

"Yes. This is pressing as if the Monolith is something HYDRA worshiped, we've got a problem."

"Besides an evil piece of portal making rock, an alien that eats people, and HYDRA?"

"HYDRA is not what we thought. It is in fact very old and means death. We will need many symbols to make our point."

Leopold nodded. "Is Stark still the doghouse for making a homicidal robot?"

"Likely."

"That's probably why Ms Potts made him give you a suit," Leopold reasoned.

Loki nodded as they pulled up in front of the hanger door for the Playground. "You're likely correct. And I will use the fact Stark is in the doghouse to my benefit for as long as he's there."

* * *

 _I'm in the details with the devil / So now the world can never get me on my level / I just gotta get you off the cage / I'm a young lover's rage / Gonna need a spark to ignite_

 _-Fall Out Boy, "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark"_

* * *

Jemma was waiting in the lab for them with an armful of books.

"These are all the books I could find," she started, setting them down on the table. "Agent Carter gathered all the material she could find on the occult, fearing that another occult loving cult would rise like HYDRA."

"Her fear was well founded," Loki murmured.

"When did the Kree first come here again?" Jemma questioned.

"They were here for centuries before they were discovered," Loki replied. "I found them during your planet's Dark Ages, but we know they were here long before I found them since I have Kree DNA."

"But if they'd been working that long—"

"Since prehistoric times," Leopold said. "Morse dated some of the stuff you had in your pack. One of the rocks you had was from prehistoric earth. So the Monolith's been around since then sending things back and forth. If the Kree brought it, then they've been here since then."

Jemma stared at her best friend wide eyed.

"I do not know the history of the human testing, only that it existed and it was still rather unsuccessful when I'd stumbled upon the experiments. I believe they thought I was a successful experiment, now that I am thinking about it. I was too young and foolish to care. I was more excited about being away from Asgard and finding something illicit."

"I found a bottle of wine from the nineteenth century. French," Jemma said quietly. "It'd turned to vinegar, but…why was it there?"

"I am sure we'll figure it out," Loki assured her.

She nodded and the trio began to pour over books. They'd been at it for about an hour before Leopold let out a sound of alarm.

"You found something?" Jemma asked.

"I think I've got the progression. You were right, of course."

"Loki was right about what?" Jemma asked.

Leopold and Loki both lined the books up, exchanging grave looks before Jemma came around and looked at the progression. She gasped.

"No. No. No. Do you think Will is HYDRA?"

"Not likely. But, whoever funded it might have been," Loki remarked. "It was a mission kept off the books. It wasn't anywhere in any NASA records when I looked. Whoever put it together made sure it was populated with people without close families, without relations they had close ties to. Whoever put this together and funded it knew no one would return."

Jemma gasped.

"The ATCU is a front for HYDRA. We need to tell Coulson," Leopold whispered, staring at the images.

"How did you get there?" Loki inquired as Jemma fled the room. "How did—"

"Since you've been gone, we've discovered who funded the program Will was a part of. It's the same person who fronts the money for the ATCU."

"Who?"

"Gideon Malick."

Loki blankly stared at Leopold.

"We're starting to think he's the new head of HYDRA."

"Why?"

"Because there's a secret lab within the ATCU, one that Price thought was making a drug to cure Inhumans, but when we went to extract Jim—"

"Extract James?"

"Oh, yeah. You missed that too," Leopold said, running a hand through his hair. "Coulson sent Jim to the ATCU because he thought it was a front for HYDRA."

"He sent James on an undercover op? Honestly?"

"Yes?" Leopold tried. "Jim was an assistant. Had almost no clearance, but was convinced they weren't helping Inhumans. He wasn't getting anywhere, so Morse and Hunter went in to help, while Price was here. Daisy did some hacking and we found the lab. Price said that it was run by Malick personally."

"She's still here?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"She and Coulson had a big fight, that's where we found out it was run by Malick, who we already know funded the NASA program to use the Monolith."

Loki's eyes went large.

"Get these books. They're going to want proof, right?"

Loki helped Leopold gather the books up and followed him to where the rest of the team was gathered while Jemma spoke too quickly to be understood.

"We come bearing visuals," Loki said, setting down the books.

Jemma paused to gulp air.

"Hello, again," Loki greeted, leering at Rosalind Price. She grimaced.

"How did you arrive at the conclusion the ATCU is a front for HYDRA?" Coulson demanded. "Granted, I am likely to believe it."

Price glared at him.

"It's all in the logo," Loki said, gesturing to the open books on the table. "We start here, the symbol of death, and move onwards."

Loki felt a sick satisfaction as each person reached the same conclusion he had.

"Why won't they just die?" Hunter grumbled.

"There's a reason they went with the hydra," James remarked.

Loki startled at the sight of the young man, who's sheered all his hair off into a stylish, but close cut. Price kept glancing at the man as if she was having a hard time believing he was who he was claiming.

"Cut off one head…" Coulson bitterly trailed off.

"And one goes off and does his own thing?" Hunter suggested. "What does this Monolith and the cult around it have to do with HYDRA's overall goals?"

Everyone stared at Hunter. He looked up from the book he'd been reading and glanced around.

"What? I do know how to read. It's right there."

He pointed. Coulson grabbed the book and read. "An English cult, rumored to operate in the region where the castle with the symbol is located, claimed that the object they worshiped required sacrifices."

"It was believed they were all under the influence of something as they were peerage," Hunter remarked.

"When was this?" James asked.

"1839," Coulson reported. "Why?"

James blinked a few times, then sat down on a stool, looking alarmed.

"What?" Jemma pressed.

James swallowed loudly, slowly turning his blue gaze towards Jemma. "It happened before I was born, long before I was born, but it was still a hot gossip topic when I came of age, even though it's been over sixty years."

"Your—you…uh…" Jemma trailed off, looking at a loss on how to word what she wanted.

"How old are you?" Price demanded.

"Twenty-nine," James replied absently. "But, when I was eighteen and joined the men after dinner, a few of them were almost always discussing Lord Manzini, who was the one who'd gone missing and the others claimed was sacrificed for the good of us all."

"Lord Manzini?" Fitz repeated, tapping on his tablet. "Went missing in 1839 and proclaimed dead the following year. His cousin who inherited his title was the one…who told the world about the cult."

"He existed in both…"

"How old are you?" Price demanded. "Is anyone here normal?"

Coulson shrugged. "What's normal?"

"I am totally normal," Hunter bragged.

"You are not," Morse said, rolling her eyes deeply.

"You can't be normal and be a member of SHEILD," James said gently, smiling.

"You seemed so normal when you were my assistant," Price groused, eyeing James distrustfully then sighing deeply. "Fine. Don't tell me you're secretly from the turn of the century. God, that'd make so much sense if you were. Coulson, your spy didn't know what Snapchat was."

"Damn. I knew there was something I forgot to tell him," Coulson sighed, snapping his fingers.

"I just cannot keep up with it all," James complained.

"Does this mean there's HYDRA…where Jim's from originally?" Jemma asked.

"There was a Lord Manzini who was a cult member. Maybe it is just something he does?" Daisy suggested.

"Nothing I remember ever matches up, though," James reminded everyone. "Nothing. Why does this fit?"

Everyone stared at him for a solid minute before he smiled. Jemma sighed dreamily, the guys all looked a little gobsmacked, Daisy rolled her eyes deeply but leaned further into James' shoulder, and Loki had to resist the urge to vault over the table and kiss the man.

Loki shook his head to clear it.

"Stop that," Daisy ordered. "You totally did that on purpose."

"There is nothing special about him," Jemma said like a broken record. "He's not Inhuman, he's got no enhancements, and—"

"He's a lackluster spy," Price offered.

"Thank you," James loudly said, still wildly smiling. "I enjoy the fact I have no talents and nothing remotely special about me."

"You kind of look like me," Loki reminded him, smirking.

"And he's blonde now, so even more so," Hunter remarked, clapping Jim on the shoulder not occupied by Daisy.

"Oh, god. He's right," Price said, looking between the two. "I think my head is going to explode."

"Eh, you get used to it," Coulson shrugged. "Now, what are we going to do now that we know that the ATCU is a front for HYDRA."

"I don't think it's really a front," James offered. "I might be a horrible spy, but I believe it was really set up for its purpose. However, its connection to the lab is where the trail went sour."

Daisy lifted her head off James' shoulder and he stood, making his way over to the table with the books.

"Malick didn't keep quiet that he was funding the lab, that it was his project. He is friends with the President. That is how he got his foot in the door when HYDRA fell and the President was under pressure to replace SHEILD with something uncorrupt."

"Good job him. Long live HYDRA," Hunter grumbled.

James furrowed his eyebrows together, extending his long-fingered hand towards Leopold and making a grabbing motion. Leopold handed him the tablet.

"During my time with the ATCU, I did backgrounds on every, single agent we hired."

"That was your job," Price grumbled.

"Correct. It was perfect," he smiled and went back to tapping. "They were all clean. All either ex-military and easy to trace or former SHEILD agents."

"SHEILD agents?" Coulson asked.

James nodded, turning the tablet over to Coulson. "Many did not rejoin SHEILD or were unable. They went elsewhere. For instance, Agent Carter went to the CIA."

"Pardon?" Loki asked, head snapping up.

"Sorry, Sharon Carter, Agent 13. She went to the CIA," James clarified. "Maria Hill went to the private sector."

"But not really," Coulson whispered.

"Anyway, I was leery of the former SHIELD agents. Only a few of them I believe are HYDRA. And they were the ones who led me to the lab."

"Which we know is HYDRA," Daisy grumped.

"So, what are we going to do?" Jemma asked. "That lab is forcing people who have had no preparation to become Inhuman without their knowledge. It's bad enough we've got people all over the planet doing this, but they are knowingly doing it."

Daisy looked uncomfortable and James reached for her hand.

"We need to destroy them," May stated flatly. "He's building an Inhuman army."

Everyone sat in heavy silence, till Price eloquently proclaimed, "Shit."

* * *

 _Yeah we change, yeah we change / Yeah we feel so lost / And we don't know who we are / Yeah, we break, yeah we break and we just can't stop / So we keep breaking hearts_

 _-Ellie Goulding, "Don't Panic"_

* * *

Things just got worse.

1\. Turned out the ugly Inhuman who was taking out other Inhumans was, in fact, Doctor Gardner, May's ex-husband who she clearly wasn't over.

2\. Ward decided it was high time to get his "revenge" on Coulson for the death of Agent 33 (which was Ward's fault, not Coulson's) and killed Price: Coulson's new girlfriend.

(Daisy wanted to question Coulson's choice, but then again her last crush was Grant Ward: certifiable psycho.)

3\. In taking out Price, Ward had turned Coulson into a revenge-driven crazy-head.

4\. While Coulson channeled his inner Batman (I am vengeance, I am night, call me Agent Coulson), they were supposed to be taking out Malick's weirdo HYDRA faction.

"Coulson's on a suicide run," Mack grumbled.

"No, duh. He should have taken Loki," Daisy remarked. "Loki does suicide missions well."

"I think it was best to send Loki with Fitz and Simmons," Mack pointed out. "Ups their chance at survival if they come across a hostile Inhuman."

He didn't want to be in charge, Daisy could see that clearly. She didn't for a second question Coulson's choice. It was the only one he'd made recently that Daisy agreed with one hundred percent. Out of everyone, Mack was a good leader and kept a cool head. (Something Coulson used to be able to do but had lost since the death of Price.)

(Daisy felt it was much more than simply the fact Ward and shot Price in the throat and she'd bled out in Coulson's arms that sent him over the abyss into the revenge swamp. It was everything mounting since the downfall of SHEILD. He needed to let out his aggression, go a little nuts. It just was such a bad time for him to decide to let his inner Crazy Loki out.)

"Speaking of them, have they reported back?" Mack asked, turning away from Daisy.

"No," May flatly reported, looking more pissed off than usual. "They've fortified the castle to the teeth. There's no way we're getting in easily."

Mack sighed. "What would you do? If you were in charge."

May looked up at Mack, who was looming over her shoulder, and flatly said, "I'd never be put in charge."

Mack sighed, burying his face in his hands.

"Just be a leader."

Mack picked his face out of his hands and stared at May. "That's what you've got to say? No rousing speech?"

"No."

Mack groaned.

"You don't need a rousing speech. You're a natural leader," Daisy offered.

"Who usually follows your orders," Mack reminded her.

"Eh. Details," Daisy whispered. "Okay. I've got a map of the area, high res."

"We're screwed."

"Oh, no."

"What?"

"The Loki Alarm went off about an hour ago," May reported, squinting at her computer screen. "Crap."

"What?" Daisy demanded. "What happened?"

"There's a news story about an abandoned warehouse that was encased in ice in the middle of Florida," May bit out. "The authorities broke through about a half hour ago and found a government agent dead by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head."

Daisy cursed darkly, along with Mack.

"That guy Bobbi came across in the labs, the one who can control your movements. He was there waiting for them. No one else found?" Mack asked.

"No," May growled, scowling at the computer screen.

Daisy turned back to her computer and began to search the castle for Loki. Her eyes zeroed in on a person-shaped blob that was alarmingly blue compared to all the other orange-red blobs.

"I got him," Daisy reported. "He just arrived with several other warm bodies. Thank god he runs so damn cold these days."

"He ran cold when he got here," May reminded her.

"Of course he did," Mack muttered. "Well, okay. They've been kidnapped. Now we gotta go rescue them."

"They've spilt them all up," Daisy reported. "They've put Loki here."

"What's there?"

"Containment units from ATCU. Oh, and one from SHIELD."

It was only after she'd said that did Daisy remember who was in the containment unit and looked up sharply to find May had gone deadly still. Mack backed up and eyed her.

"You good?"

"Yes."

"You lying?"

"Yes."

"Figured. Well, we're mounting a rescue and save the world mission. Just don't die. And try to keep Doctor Gardner in the unit. Don't let him out."

"I won't," May said, stomping off.

"Gear up. And get your new team together."

"Can I add Jim?"

Mack stared at her, looking confused. "You want to add Jim?"

"Why not? I need to replace you with someone, don't I?"

Mack snorted. "I don't think that pansy boy can replace me."

Daisy shook her head. "Well?"

"Ask him. It's fine with me. Go prepare you Caterpillars for their first mission."

Daisy grinned and hurried off to get Joey and Lincoln (who'd finally agreed to join them after ATCU had blown his life out of the water. He kinda had nowhere to go after that). On her way, she ran into Jim.

"Hey! You get to be a Caterpillar!"

"Pardon?"

"Yeah! You're on my team now!"

"I am?"

"Don't do that confused thing. It's too cute," Daisy admonished. "Come on, we'll go to go talk to Joey and Lincoln."

* * *

 _In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene / Only then I am human / Only then I am clean_

 _-Hozier, "Take Me To Church"_

* * *

Jim and Fitz sat on either side of Jemma.

"I am very sad," Jemma said through her tears.

"Understandable," Jim murmured. Loki was staring at Fitz. Jim took one look at the expression and knew Loki wanted to get out of Fitz why he was walking around in a half freaked out daze. Meeting Loki's green eyes, he carefully picked Jemma up and guided her out of the room.

"I should stop crying," she offered, tears still flowing down her face. "I really should, but I can't seem to stop."

"Jemma, darling, you have every right to mourn," Jim gently said, sitting her back down on an office chair in the lab.

"What does Loki think he'll learn from Fitz?" Jemma asked, swiping at her eyes with the handkerchief Jim had given her earlier. "I know that's why you've brought me here."

She sucked in a lot of air.

"I do not know," Jim admitted. "Hopefully after Fitz tells someone what really happened on the other planet he will process it and return from the fugue state he's been in since he returned."

Jemma sniffed. "I know. I'm horrible. I'm so wrapped up in the fact that Will didn't make it back and is dead now…dead. I left him to die."

"You did not leave him to die. He told you to go," Jim gently reminded her, putting a hand on her arm. "He wished for you to live. You were never meant to be there, while he volunteered to go."

"Why does that matter?" Jemma demanded, her eyes filling with more tears.

"I do not know. I'm not sure what to say if I am honest."

"Oh, I know. You're simply trying to comfort me, but—"

"What if what Fitz saw is best not for us to know?"

"Why should he carry the burden—"

"Loki will carry it as well."

"Ward didn't come back," Jemma whispered. "Not that I am upset that he is either stuck there or perished, but whatever happened has to do with Ward. They played us against one another when they kidnapped us. I didn't know what they did with Loki, till I found the frozen tube."

"You let Loki out."

"I also let Lash out."

"I know, Jemma."

"I let him out knowing what he'd do. I let him out to save myself."

Jemma began to hyperventilate, so Jim grabbed her face and pulled her closer to him so all she could focus on was him. "And I am glad you did. Your parents are glad you did. Fitz is glad you did. The future is glad you did."

"Would you have done that?"

"Yes."

"You sound so sure and you've never been faced with that choice."

"I'm a trained solider, Jemma. You are not. While I had never been to an actual battle before the day I died, I have ears. I heard tales, good and bad, of what occurs within the theater of war."

Jemma looked impossibly sadder.

"You do what needs to be done to live, to remain alive. It might not be pretty, it might not be brave, it might be messy, but you do these things. Those HYDRA men would have done the same."

"They wouldn't have killed me."

"Yes, they would have."

Jemma stared at him, her eyes filling and spilling over silently to her already damp cheeks.

"Once you'd served your purpose, Malick would have had you killed. Because you would never be loyal to HYDRA, no matter what its goals."

"That is true."

"You are alive, Fitz is alive, and at some point, you will heal. Because you are human and that is how it works."

"You sound so sure."

"I died. I was left with horrible visions, horrible, crippling heartbreak. I healed. It took awhile, but I healed."

Jemma nodded. "I keep forgetting."

"And that's good. It's not worth remembering."

Jim let go of her face as he heard the door behind him open and close. Loki stood there, looking bleak.

"What happened?" Jemma asked. "Did Fitz really kill Ward?"

"No. Will's body was possessed by the thing HYDRA wanted to bring back, the thing that stalked the sands and killed people. This is worrying for varying reasons."

"What?" Jemma squeaked, falling forward. Jim caught her before she face planted. "What do you mean that Will was possessed and it is worrying for varying reasons!?"

Loki crossed the room and took Jemma out of Jim's arms and sat her back in the chair.

"Will died shortly after you left, running across…It." Loki sneered, looking disgusted. "This…thing, It, is an Inhuman, one who wants to rule the world."

"How do you know?" Jemma whispered.

"Malick told me after he apprehended us. Wanted me, as an Inhuman, to join in their glorious war."

Loki scrunched his whole face up.

"You didn't agree since he locked you up," Jemma quietly said.

"Oh, no, I did agree. If I hadn't, he would have had me killed on the spot as I was only useful if I was on his side. That is not important—"

"You did the frozen thing on purpose, you weren't fully under whatever the gel does!"

"I did that before the gel was put in. I knew you or Fitz would find me if I put off enough cold."

"How—oh."

"Yes, not fully human or Inhuman," Loki grinned grimly. "The gel didn't fully work on someone who wasn't fully Inhuman."

"He told you his evil plans?" Jim faintly asked.

Jemma looked at him, but Loki didn't move from his crouch in front of Jemma. He took her hands and gripped them hard, regaining her attention.

"He's a bad guy, of course, he did. He thought he was close to getting what he wanted, so he was bragging. As a former villain, I know how good it feels to brag."

Jemma made a choking noise. "You brag all the time."

"True."

"What did he tell you?" Jim requested.

"It was banished through the Monolith, as It wished to rule the world, by the other Inhumans. It came back to bite them when the Kree later showed up and started pushing the peaceful Inhumans through," Loki chuckled darkly, looking down at his and Jemma's hands. "HYDRA was founded in order to bring It back to bring forth the new world. They sent people through it regularly as offerings."

Jemma made an inhuman choking noise while Jim grabbed onto the table.

"They didn't call themselves HYDRA, did they?" Jemma asked.

"No. They called themselves Death."

Jemma shuddered. Jim took a few steps closer and put a hand on her shoulder, looking down at Loki, who glanced at him before looking back at Jemma.

"The Monolith passed hands over the next several decades, till we know it to be in England, then it was lost once again until it was found somewhere in Mexico at the turn of the century."

"Who got it then?"

"It fell into the hands of a faction of pre-HYDRA in America. It remained in American hands until it met its maker when we brought you back."

"How did HYDRA become what we know it to be?" Jim inquired.

"Johann Schmitt," Loki spat out. "He became a member of HYDRA and transformed it to his liking. The HYDRA to rise out of the ashes of World War II was a combination of the vision of Schmitt and what it originally was."

"Every large organization has factions within it," Jemma commented blankly. "What does this history lesson have to do with Fitz?"

"After the NASA mission, there were people within HYDRA that felt the mission failed, so they moved the Monolith to SHEILD and it was carted around on an airship carrier until we got a hold of it. Malick stated that once it went to SHIELD, he lost control over it and was unable to carry out HYDRA's true mission: bringing back It."

Jemma shuddered. "That thing isn't…anything remotely human-like."

"I know," Loki assured. "I felt it anytime I was near the Monolith. It made itself known."

Jemma snatched her hands out of Loki's and hugged herself.

"What did Fitz do?"

"Nothing himself," Loki admitted, sitting back on his heels. "Coulson…shot It."

Jemma took a shuddering breath.

"It was not Will. It killed Will and took over his body, as It doesn't have a body of its own anymore evidently. It pretended as it has access to the body's knowledge."

Loki scowled deeply.

"Oh, no."

Jim realized where Loki was heading and sat down hard, missing the chair and winding up on the floor. Jemma did not take her eyes off Loki.

"Ward."

"Coulson killed him and they left the body," Loki stated clinically. "And his hand."

Jim would have laughed if he hadn't been dreading what Loki was going to say next.

"You think It took control of Ward's dead body and managed to escape through the portal before it closed and we blew up the castle."

"I think it made it through end of sentence," Loki stated. "Do you think an explosion would stop it? And there are other dead bodies within the wreckage for it to take. Once It is in the body, it becomes living again, almost. The damage festers and shows metal in the wound. That is how Fitz realized Will wasn't Will."

Jemma put her hand over her mouth and began to hyperventilate. Loki moved forward and put his arms around her.

"This is…if I…if I hadn't asked him…"

"Malick would still have opened a portal, still have brought It back. That was his goal. He collected bits of the Monolith, as HYDRA cut off bits of it so they'd always have bits if something happened to the larger Monolith. Remember the empty square parts?"

Jemma nodded, breath still hitching unnaturally. "I saw… the ones… he had."

"He still would have done it, no matter what you had done, what Fitz had done. He's been working to do this for more than sixteen years since he found the Monolith with NASA."

"At least we know if we see Ward again, he's a zombie," Jim offered.

Jemma gave a hiccuping laugh and collapsed fully into Loki, finally breathing normally.

"Fitz didn't realize till he was telling me," Loki whispered. "I think you need to go to him. He needs you, Jemma."

Jemma pushed herself off of Loki, wiped her face again with the now sopping wet handkerchief, before standing and striding out of the lab to where Fitz was located in the lounge.

"You've not told Coulson your fears."

"No."

"Why not?"

"He's not in a good place, has not been since his hand was chopped off during our battle with the Afterlife faction," Loki remarked, sitting down on the floor next to Jim. His long legs flopped out before him and he stared at his blue feet.

Loki never wore shoes anymore unless he had to.

"Are you going home, then?"

"For now, while we regroup. You will need to watch Coulson."

Jim nodded.

"No need to make it obvious, just make sure he's gotten revenge out of his system. When Ward appears one again, It will have Ward's knowledge, but It will not be Ward. He will be a thousand times more dangerous."

Loki shuddered. Jim gazed at him sadly.

"Oh, what the misled have wrought."

"Precisely."

* * *

 _Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days / When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out_

 _-Twenty One Pilots, "Stressed Out"_


	9. It's OK

**Disclaimer: If you know it, I don't own it.**

 _A/N: "Everything is Awesome" written by Shawn Patterson, Jo Li, and The Lonely Island._

* * *

 ** _It's OK_**

* * *

 _And all the noise I hear inside / Restless and loud, unspoken and wild / And all that you need to say / To make it go away / Is that you feel the same way too_

 _-Christina Perri, "The Words"_

* * *

It'd happened while he was in Mexico City. Some HYDRA faction (or something) caught up with him, capturing him and shooting him up with drugs in an attempt to make him into the Winter Solider.

The drugs did something, just not what the people who'd captured him wanted.

Memories flooded into his mind, seventy years worth of foggy, broken, horrible memories.

He knew there was a way to make him into the Winter Solider once again. There was a red book with ten Russian words. Drugs couldn't make him what these people wanted, only that damn notebook.

Triggers.

His mind was full of bombs.

He let it fully hit him all once he was out from under the thumb of the faction. (He'd wanted to leave them alive for Steve to find, but tragically that didn't go too well when he used their tranquilizers against them. Kinda killed them. Clearly their drugs weren't for normal people.)

He couldn't go back. Triggers, memories, murders…fog.

Bucky.

James.

The Solider.

Zola.

The Soviets.

The thousands of murders.

The high profile assassinations.

The assassinations that looked like accidents.

Organizing the fall of the Soviet Union as it'd lived out its use.

The orange haired crazy witch shouting at him in the rain.

Same crazy witch appearing in his daze decades before to tell him Stevie was on his way.

Howard. He'd killed Howard Stark. And his poor wife, who wasn't supposed to be there.

He remembered shooting Natasha Romanoff in order to kill the mark.

He remembered everyone he'd killed, injured, or maimed in his quest to complete his missions as if he was watching it through a crappy TV.

He'd done it all. It was him. Sure, they'd tried to removed his memories, sure they'd brainwashed him, but…he'd done it. He'd agreed to do it. He'd known what he'd been doing when he'd done it. Yeah, sure he thought it was for the greater good, to bring world peace, to prevent something horrible from happening.

He had been the horrible thing, the nightmare, the ghost killer wiping out world leaders quietly and silently.

Until silence was thought to be no longer needed.

Boy, was that stupid of HYDRA.

It took him a week to pick himself up off the grimy floor of the factory he'd collapsed in outside of the city limits. He knew he looked and smelled horrible. Even the homeless drug addicts who squatted in the factory avoided him. By the time he picked himself up off the ground, he had a full beard loaded with lice and fleas and his once glorious hair was matted and stuck to his head.

He dragged himself to a what appeared to be a pharmacy and bought razors, shampoo for the fleas and lice, and lighter fluid. At another shop, he bought new clothes. It took several hours, but by the time he was done, he looked like a crazed mad man with no hair. He set his old clothing on fire along with the passport for Sebastian Stan. It broke his heart to give up the life of Sebastian Stan, but it was no longer his to live. He could never claim that man's life, that man's name. He left the ashes on the floor, mixed in with the grim, oil, dirt, feces, urine, and whatever else was on the bullet riddled floor. Without looking back, he walked out into the humid, polluted air hanging above the city.

* * *

 _Don't you ever say I just walked away / I will always want you / I can't live a lie, running for my life / I will always want you_

 _-Jasmine Thompson, "Wrecking Ball"_

* * *

One thing Sebastian Stan did that was helpful was he hid stockpiles of cash all over the place. It took him less than a month to gather all the hidden cash stolen from various HYDRA strong holds. He used some of it to buy himself passage on a cargo ship across the Atlantic. He snuck into Europe and lost himself in various large cities (hiding the cash along the way). Because he now remembered being the Asset, he had a wealth of languages available to him and used them in order to blend in with his environment. He got a squat in a busy city, not bothering to really think about where he was. (Later he found out it was Bucharest, Romania. Oddly, a place he'd never killed anyone, likely why he'd wound up there.)

After he'd been sitting for a few weeks, he grew angry. He'd wasted a year discovering who he was only to have it killed by some idiots.

He raged. He'd leave the city limits and find a heavily forested area and punch the ground until he was in a hole, then fill the hole in. He did this hundreds of times till he ran out of anger. After that, he lay on the floor of his squat on the pitiful mattress-like thing he'd cobbled together and stared the moldy ceiling.

He wasn't sure what the hell was going to happen to him, but he was sure of one thing: he missed her.

He began writing everything he remembered down. He filled notebooks. He kept everything in a backpack and hid it under the floor boards. He would sit at night and read through the notebooks when he was unable to sleep. Days, weeks, months crept by and suddenly it had been a year since the whole Ultron thing. In two more months, Sebastian Stan would be dead for a year.

He felt sad when he realized he hadn't even really known Sebastian had died the day his childhood memories had come flooding back. He knew Sebastian hadn't realized he'd died, but Jess had. The woman had realized it, knew that Sebastian was gone. Reading the memory now, he could see her reaction was out of loss.

She'd lost the guy she'd been living with, getting to know. He was gone the moment the Brooklyn accent popped out. Shortly after, he'd gone off to do one last HYDRA hunting mission. Three months later, the hallowed out being was filled with a lifetime of memories— everything from early childhood to that final mission.

He scratched his head and let his long hair fall into his eyes (his hair grew stupidly fast). He scrubbed his face (his five o'clock shadow was more like a ten AM o'clock shadow) and sighed deeply. Lately he'd been feeling more stable. He was still no where near mentally healthy, but he liked his little life he'd carved out for himself. He went to the market each morning, bought plums (or whatever fruit was in season), grabbed fresh meat (or bought beans), and went back to his hovel and kept to himself.

He was living in the one country he'd never killed anyone— as Bucky, James, Sebastian, or the Asset. Here, no one had died at his hands. Here, no one knew him.

He missed Steve like a limb (or another limb, as he also missed her like a limb), but Steve was too high profile for him to contact. And too stupid. Steve, his boyfriend, and that other looby were still looking for him. While he didn't have the ability to track their progress in their search, he knew they'd be following false leads. It was what the trio did in their spare time.

Not that he knew what the boyfriend did when he wasn't looking for Bucky/James/Sebastian. Steve and the flying looby were Avengers. Every time they screwed something up, it was on TV screens everywhere. The boyfriend, though, was never on the TV with them.

* * *

 _Bring your heart, I'll bring my soul / But be delicate with my ego / I want to step into your great unknown / With you and me setting the tone_

 _-Adele, "I Miss You"_

* * *

He didn't talk often. He never felt like he needed to talk to anyone. He knew human beings weren't solitary creatures and it would damage him mentally if he never interacted with others, hence why he went to the market each morning. He interacted with humans there: spoke politely, haggled, and thanked them.

He got comfortable.

Part of him knew he shouldn't get comfortable in his new life. Each time he ever did, something massively went wrong. Bucky was comfortable in Brooklyn and living in a nice joint. Then the Depression happened. He and Stevie had just gotten back on their feet and he was drafted into the Army. He'd finally gotten the hang of being in the Army, and he got captured. For seventy years nothing went right and he was never comfortable, as he was under mind control and slowly going crazy. Then, it was over and he ran away to Alaska after some stupid feeling. He got comfortable there and it was ripped away by his own mind.

Still, he was unable to stop getting comfortable in his new life, his unremarkable life. But, all good things come to an end.

So, yeah, he wasn't surprised in the least when one day he entered the flat to find a woman in a navy polka dot sundress sitting at his kitchen table, tapping a bright red fingernail against the cheap surface.

"You suck," the woman proclaimed. "You suck so hard, I don't even have a word for how much you suck."

He blinked several times.

"How did you get in here?" he asked, his voice sounding rusty.

"I know people."

His eyes scanned the entire flat, not finding anything out of place other than the huge, bright ass backpack sitting next to the door (How had he missed that when he entered?). He looked back at the woman, his heart racing.

He wasn't sure if it was racing due to who the woman was or the fact she'd snuck up on him.

"People who are currently not on this planet, so chill."

She stopped tapping her nails and folded her arms across her chest.

"And all he did was tell me where you were. I had to get here myself," she grumped. "Without anyone noticing. I walked a lot."

"You walked? Don't you live in Alaska?"

"I walked into Romania. I quit my job and announced I was backpacking through Europe. I ditched my StarkPhone with Barton and my iPhone has been off since I left. I used my passport to get in this country, but I haven't used it since. And I'm really good at avoiding CCTV. I trained with the best."

He frowned. "Who trained you?"

"I watched you," she replied. "So, why are you living in this hovel?"

"It's my home."

"Yeah, I got that much, Seb, but why are you here in Romania as opposed to Alaska? Why didn't you come home?"

"This is my home."

"Fine, this is your home! Why'd you just go AWOL?"

"I was kidnapped," he stated, edging around the room till he was near where his mattress sat on the ground.

"By who?"

"HYDRA faction that wished to reactive the Winter Solider," he ground out. "I don't do that anymore."

"You didn't before."

"I did. I don't do that anymore. Any of it. I remember everything that's happened to me for my entire life. From 1917 till 2016."

The woman made a face. "Okay, uh, that sucks. But, Seb, why did you come back after that? I told Steve you were staying with me. Is that why? Because I let Steve know I'd known where you were? I thought—"

"I remember every. Single. Person. I. Killed. I watched it happen, watched my hands do things I didn't want them to do. Everything the Asset did, I remember."

He watched her digest the information for a solid ten minutes before she swallowed and squared her shoulders.

A part of his heart sank.

"Fine. Do you think you're some big, dangerous dog or something? That you can't be around me any more? Or is that Sebastian wasn't really you and now you're Bucky again and you thought I'd not like you?"

"It wasn't safe—"

He instantly ducked when the tea kettle came flying at his head. He didn't know why he ducked as she was a mile off from actually hitting him.

She had horrible aim.

He could have also caught the thing if it'd come anywhere near his face.

"Don't give me that crap about you not being safe. Since you went MIA, you've been completely off the radar. At first you left a trail that Loki could follow, but then it went dry in Mexico City and Steve and company were back to following whisps. That's where HYDRA caught up to you, right? And did whatever to make you fully remember?"

"I do not fully remember, there are lots of holes," he admitted, scowling. "But it's mostly there. I write down…memories. It's hard…trying to remember ninety-nine years worth of crap. But I can remember enough to piece together a timeline."

"Well, for the first several years, you likely don't remember due to the fact you were a child and they don't remember the first three years of life usually."

"Do you?"

"No. Actually, much of my childhood was wiped out by my mother when she sealed my magic when I was eight," Jess answered, folding her arms tightly across her chest. "And what I remember is spotty, so I'm missing eight years of my childhood, plus two months when I went time traveling. You remember that now?"

"Yes."

"What did I do?"

"Said a lot of things that made no sense and used Loki's spear on me to create two separate consciousness," he answered, peeking at her through his long hair.

"I'm sorry. That likely didn't help very much, did it?"

"No. But, it did help in the sense that after…I was knocked out on the Hellicarrier, I was able to…whatever I did with you for a year."

Jess studied him carefully. "Do you…do you not want to be Sebastian? Or are you trying to tell me that he doesn't exist?"

"I still exist. Sebastian, Bucky, the Asset. We're all in here and we're all the same. There's been only one voice since I was knocked out on the Hellicarrier," he explained. "I guess the two were put back together, but I didn't have access to my past. I was…just there. Then, as time wore on, I guess my brain fixed itself and I got Bucky's memories back. Well, most of them. To the point I felt comfortable enough, but then those HYDRA idiots did something and I remembered most of what else I was missing."

"Why didn't you come back?"

"I remembered. And the most horrible thing…I did everything. It was me who was the Asset, not a separate personality or anything. All they did was take out my memories, take out the things that gave me morals, gave me a sense of right and wrong. My skills…talents, they left those, they honed those. People think the Asset was just a shell, a weapon to point, but it was me. Me without my memories. You don't realize how important memories are to a person till they're gone and come back."

He coughed. It'd been a long time since he'd spoken, let alone said so many words at once. He peeked at Jess after he'd stopped coughing.

He'd forgotten how beautiful her eyes were.

"Why is your hair brown?"

"So I don't stick out," she replied. "Plus, if I was backpacking, I'd not have the time to bleach and color it as I was and everyone knows I hate roots."

He nodded absently, coughing again.

Jess stood up swiftly and moved around the table, the skirt of her dress flowing out behind her. She grabbed a glass from the shelf, filled it with water, then thrust it into his hand. He flinched, as the one she put it in was his metal hand.

She heaved a deep sigh.

"Is Sebastian even in there?"

"Yes."

"You want me to call you Seb? Or do you want me to call you Bucky? Or something else all together?"

He gulped the water, swallowing loudly. He cleared his throat and said, "Seb. Bucky still sounds wrong comin' out of your mouth."

* * *

 _I wish I was like you, easily amused / Find my nest of salt, everything is my fault / I'll take all the blame_

 _-Nirvana, "All Apologies"_

* * *

Sebastian (he still liked that name more than Bucky and since he was in the boat he was in, he might as well call himself a name he liked, damn it) got Jess a fake ID and work visa. Since she was overly friendly and would talk to almost anyone, she managed to find a work as a stylist at a hole in the wall beauty parlor two blocks from their flat. Sebastian himself did odd jobs for cash. Between the two of them, they got by. Not that either needed to work given the amount of cash Sebastian had taken from HYDRA, but working gave Jess the social exposure she needed and gave Sebastian something to do with his days.

"Are you ever going to contact Steve?"

Sebastian looked up from the loft bed frame he was building. It was metal and confusing. The directions were in Swedish— which made sense seeing as the store was Swedish. What did not make sense was the fact there were several extra parts and it was taking forever to put together.

"I'm not sure."

"You were sure before you left Anchorage."

"I'm no longer sure."

"Why?"

"Same reason I didn't go back to Anchorage."

"Seriously?"

Sebastian set down the mallet and took a deep breath. He fisted his hands and stared at the grimy floor. (He had tried to clean it, but it simply would not come clean.) "I killed Stark's parents."

"Howard?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He had something HYDRA wanted in his trunk," Sebastian explained. He didn't want to tell her what was in the trunk. Hell, he didn't want to tell anyone. Ever. "The memory is patchy, but I know what I did. I killed them both. She was innocent."

"Mrs Stark?"

Sebastian nodded, un-fisting his hands, then fisting them again. "She had no idea what Howard did in his spare time. She wasn't even mentioned in the file passed a relation."

"Really?"

"Well, what he actually did wasn't what she likely thought he did." Sebastian picked the mallet up once more and banged on the frame. "In 1991, they did something to me. I changed hands, I think. I mean, after I took down the USSR, I was transferred somewhere else. The memories from 1991 till 2014 are more spotty and foggy."

"What'd they do?"

Sebastian took a deep breath. "Put triggers into my mind. I wasn't…perfect yet. I ran away a lot, and the memory wiping only lasts so long. In the middle of missions, something would remind me who I really was, or I'd see something that reminded me of Steve. I'd run off, kill my handlers, vanish for a few days till they tracked me down and put me down like a rabid dog. In 1991, HYDRA perfected their…triggering system. They tested it out on me a few times till they got it right. They thought with the triggering, they'd be able to send me out into the field longer and remain their loyal gun instead of going AWOL all the time. Also, I might need the chair less often."

"The thing that removed your memories, that's what you mean by the chair?"

Sebastian nodded. "I think they figured out they needed to stop frying my brain if they wanted to use me more."

Jess shuddered.

"If I go back to Steve, I'm going to have to face Stark. And Romanoff. I shot her."

"On purpose?"

"Yes, but she wasn't my target so she lived," he quietly said, finally managing to get two pieces together correctly. "Actually, I shot her twice. Not sure why I didn't shoot her to kill her the second time, as that was my mission that time."

"Didn't you shoot Steve like a million times?" Jess asked.

Sebastian sighed and nodded.

"Do you think you'll ever want to see Steve again?"

Sebastian glanced at Jess before going back to working on the bed frame. She went back to doing whatever she'd been doing. It took him another hour to get the stupid thing together right and get the new mattress up top. He leapt up and made sure it wasn't going to fall on his head when Jess got up there. Once he was happy, he jumped down and threw the new sheets at Jess.

"I want to see Steve like I want to breathe, but he's Captain America. And I shot all his friends."

"Steve Rogers wants to see you even if you did shoot all his friends. What does Captain America have to do with anything?"

"If I go to see him, the press will find out," Sebastian insisted.

"Loki went home and the press doesn't know," Jess said.

"He did?"

"Yeah," Jess said, climbing up the ladder to put the sheets on her bed. "Two months after you vanished, the night I decided to tell Steve, Loki was there. He'd just came back. He's been helping Steve try to find you."

Sebastian knew that, but it was nice to have first person confirmation. He sat at the kitchen table and watched Jess put the sheets on her bed. She flopped backwards once she was done.

"Tony's not an Avenger any longer," Jess offered. "He retired along with Clint. So, if you go see Steve, you can avoid Tony."

"Do you think Steve knows?"

"Yeah. I think he does."

"Do you think he told Stark?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because Tony's got enough issues," Jess replied. "Also, it's no secret he and Howard didn't exactly have a stellar relationship."

"But, he named his charity the Maria Stark Foundation."

"He did. I don't know anything about his mom."

"Why are you here?"

Jess smiled fondly at him. "Because I love you, you idiot."

He blinked. "Why?"

Jess leapt down from the bed, landing with a thud and a stumble. Without thinking, Sebastian reached out to steady her so she didn't flip head first into the table.

"Because you're you," she answered, smiling at him with a smile that spoke millions things.

Sebastian's brain short-wired and he gaped at her like a fish.

She went on smiling.

"I like your smile," he dumbly replied.

"Good," she said, kissing his forehead and righting herself. "Now, what are you going to make with all these plums?"

"Crumble."

"Oh. I thought you'd make a pie. I love a good pie. You didn't try a lot of pies in Anchorage," Jess said, brushing passed him and looking in the freezer. "You were looking at pie recipes on Pinterest."

The flat had a horrible kitchen. There wasn't actually an oven, so Sebastian had bought a toaster oven, which wasn't as good as an actual oven, but he made it work. He missed properly baking more than he missed Steve.

Maybe they should move?

* * *

 _It's too easy humming songs to a girl in yellow dress / It's been a long time since the party and the room is in a mess_

 _-The Monkees, "Randy Scourse Git"_

* * *

"I cannot believe you."

"Why not?"

"Because, what is going to happen when they discover you?"

"I have off shore bank accounts and fake IDs."

"Sebastian."

"What? Isn't this better than the other flat?"

"Well, yeah, but this is in a better area of the city! Respectable and all that jazz."

"So?"

"Well, uh, I always thought when you were on the run you lived in the slums because no one would look for your there…or something."

"I want a kitchen with an oven. And counters to roll dough out on."

"And now you've got it."

"And now you can work in a nicer salon."

"I'm going to stay where I was working. I'll take the bus and walk. You've taught me how to wield a knife without knifing myself, so it'll be fine."

"Tomorrow we'll go over our new escape plan."

"For when the world descends on us?"

"Yeah."

"It's been almost two years since DC," Jess said quietly, sitting at the white blond wooden table in the brand new kitchen. It wasn't a huge kitchen, but it was defiantly an upgrade from where they had been living. And it came furnished! The only thing they moved was Jess's mattress and the blasted metal loft frame. (And their clothes and personal effects.)

"I know. I'm waiting for my luck to run out," Sebastian muttered, breathing in deeply the smell of cupcakes. His mouth watered just thinking about making the icing. "My luck almost always runs out."

"You're such a pessimist. No one's found us."

"Exactly. You've been gone for six months. Where do they think you are?"

Jess shrugged. "Here. I checked in with Clint and Loki. I told them both the same story. I decided to stay in Romania because I met a boy. We're living together and I found a job. I'm happy. That's what counts in their books. Well, Loki doesn't like the fact I won't talk to him, only email and I won't tell him your name."

"You could make one up."

"I don't want to outright lie to him," Jess admitted. "He's too smart for his own good. He's likely figured it out already. I know Clint has…"

"You could go home."

"I am home."

They stared at one another.

"What happens when the authorities find me and drag me off?"

"I'll likely be dragged off with you."

"Not if you get away."

"Have you seen me run?"

"Okay. I have seen you run and it's an embarrassment to dames everywhere. That being said, we'll make an escape plan. We'll go through it. You can't get messed up in the mess I'm likely to be in if anyone important finds me."

"For both of us. We need an escape plan for both of us because you don't deserve whatever they'll do to you. They'll likely forget you're the longest held POW and weren't in your right mind the entire time just so they have a scape goat. You're not anyone's goat but mine."

Sebastian studied Jess for a long, drawn out moment.

"Fine. For both of us."

* * *

 _I could show you love / In a tidal wave of mystery / You'll still be standing next to me_

 _-Capital Cities, "Safe and Sound"_

* * *

"Do you know what I want?" Jess asked on evening while they were both working on dinner. While Sebastian was the one with the killer knife skills, in order to prevent fire, he allowed Jess to chop veggies. She wouldn't touch raw meat and wasn't allowed near the stove, so about all she was useful for in the kitchen was turning the electric tea kettle on and chopping veggies and fruit. (She wasn't allowed to cut blocks of cheese or bread as she murdered them.)

"Better knife skills?" Sebastian inquired as he rubbed his homemade rub into the piece of lamb he'd picked up at the market that morning. "The ability to use the stove?"

A piece of zucchini hit him in the head. He grinned, but kept his head down.

"No. I want to read a really well written romance," she proclaimed. "Like, slowly falling in love over time, them being friends first, not really realizing they were in love, but then they were and it was just it and super awesome, even though they had some major plot to work though. And a really well written porn scene, but only one. I hate stories that have way too much smut and not enough plot."

Sebastian choked.

"Are you okay? What the hell are you choking on?"

She thumped him on the back, no where near hard enough to actually un-lodge anything, but mostly to remind him she was behind him if he started to panic and have an anxiety attack. (He had visited a doctor in Romania and was getting treatment for his PTSD and other things that were wrong with him, so now he had his own drugs. Well, some. They weren't anywhere as good as whatever Jess had for her own anxiety, but he had sleeping pills, so less nightmares. Yay.)

"N-n-nothing," he stuttered.

Jess moved slowly, making sure he knew where she was going till she was standing next to him. She leaned her hip against the counter and folded her arms. Sebastian glued his eyes to the piece of meat on the cutting board, knowing she wouldn't come closer or try to turn him when he had raw meat hands.

"I thought you were a charmer, a ladies man?" she teased. "Also, I thought you were modern now. Hip. With it. Are you suddenly a prude and can't handle the thought of smut?"

He glared at her without heat and wiggled his meat fingers at her.

"Ew," she shuddered, moving away.

A moment later chopping noises sounded once again. He moved the lamb into the baking dish, then washed his hands. He was concentrating so hard on washing his hands he didn't realize Jess had moved to stand next to him till he smelled her. He jolted, staring at her wide eyed. She cocked her head to the side.

"It was the porn comment, right? Not the fact I read romance. I'm sure you know that judging by the books I bring home."

"I got no problem with porn, dollface," Sebastian insisted, allowing his Brooklyn accent to thicken.

"Just with me wanting to read it?"

He looked away, staring at his wet hands in the sink. "No. You can read whatever you want."

She moved an inch closer.

"And if I want to re-enact it?"

Sebastian looked back up at her and found her wearing a very serious face. "I can't sleep with you."

"I know you can't sleep with me. We share a room, dude. I know you'd rip my head off on accident if I got to close during a nightmare. I'm not an idiot."

Sebastian knitted his eyebrows together and frowned. "I don't know what you're asking."

He did know. He was super uncomfortable. He hadn't even gotten the nerves to kiss her since she'd burst into his life six months ago and proclaimed she loved him. He glanced at her lips before skirting his gaze back to his wet hands awkwardly hanging above the sink slowly dripping dry.

Jess gently sighed. "Sebastian Barnes, look at me."

He tore his gaze away from his hands and allowed himself to look into the memorizing eyes, the eyes that led him to Alaska in the first place, led him to figuring out love and finding his footing after seventy years of memory stealing and murder. Eyes that he could easily read the love and affection the woman held for him against all odds.

"You shouldn't love me, let alone let me near you," he quietly said, making himself keep eye contact. "I know I don't do that stuff any more, but still…things set me off."

"You do know I know that. I lived with you for a year while you weren't getting treatment. I heard the screams, I heard you smash the wall numerous times. I know who I'm getting."

"Do you? I haven't told you half the things I remember—"

"No, you haven't."

"And you should care—"

"I do care," Jess replied steadily. "But, that's the thing. You're not a mindless serial killer. You did not enjoy any of the kills, did you?"

He shook his head.

"You thought it was your job, to assure peace and get rid of the bad guys, right?"

He nodded, feeling slimy. "But, it was still me. That's what people will never understand. The Winter Solider, the Asset…was me. Just without my past memories and morals. I had my skills, my thought process, and—"

"Memories are very important to who we are, Sebastian James Buchanan Barnes," Jess said, pushing her finger into his chest in staccato beats. "Without your past memories, who did you think HYDRA was? Who did you think you were building the future for?"

Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows together.

"You thought you were working for the good guys, you thought you were bringing peace and order to the world," Jess reminded him. "You had no context. Context is very important for everything we do. Take anything out of context and it can be right or wrong. We do not understand things without context. We glean so much from context and for seventy years HYDRA took away your context. They scrambled your brain. How is that any different when the context of my actions when my free will was altered against my will? Hell, Barton is a good guy still and he was more mindless than me. He doesn't remember jack shit of what happened when he was under the influence of Loki's scepter."

"Barton didn't kill hundreds of influential people," Sebastian pointed out. "He didn't kill anyone as far as I know, did he?"

"No. I stopped him and the other mind drones from needing to kill," Jess grumbled, crossing her arms. "You do realize that was likely what I was trying to do with you and leaving that song behind."

Sebastian blinked, wracking his swiss cheese brain. "It…I think it was after I killed Howard and Maria Stark…" He swallowed thickly. "I…I…I think you were there, after it was done and I was making my way back to the…extraction point. I…don't remember."

"What do you remember about your next missions?"

"There was always another voice in my head yelling at me, but he didn't really know too much," Sebastian admitted. "I was never alone in my head again till Steve knocked me out. I've been alone in here since then."

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Sebastian sighed, turning away from her and putting the lamb and veggies together. He put the baking dish into the oven and washed his hands again.

"You know, I started this conversation about smut and romance to get you to kiss me."

Sebastian turned the water off and grabbed the towel that sat next to the kitchen sink. He dried his hands while not looking at Jess.

"You're so weird," he mumbled.

"Yeah, so. What are you going to do about it?"

Sebastian looked up at her. She had her hands on her hips and wore a challenging look.

"Do you really know—"

"No. But does anyone?"

Sebastian looked away, staring at a random spot on the floor.

"Why?"

"Why do I want you to kiss me?"

"Yes."

Jess let out a frustrated noise. "I'm attracted to you, you moron! I love you, I find you sexy, and I want to jump you at the most inopportune times! Like when you're cleaning the floor, or when you're frosting cupcakes, or when you put that stupid ratty hat on and go out to buy fruit to put into pies!"

Sebastian blinked. "Oh."

"You've never thought that way about me, have you?"

Sebastian's face heated up. "I have."

"Then what are we doing?"

"Living?"

"Sebastian James Buchanan Barnes," Jess said in a warning tone.

"I'm not normal! Okay, I'm not normal and I have issues and I'm worried that I'll hurt you."

"By kissing me?"

"No. Yes. Yes, by kissing you."

"Because you have a metal arm?"

"And I'm part super solider or something."

"I'm doped up on magic apples and a fire virus."

"But it doesn't make you stronger—"

"It does, Seb. I heal faster than the average human and I am hardier. I'll live a lot longer than most people."

"Jess, I— can't."

She smiled that sad smile he hated and said, "Okay."

She turned and left the kitchen. He heard the bedroom door shut quietly. Sebastian beat his head against the cabinet before he put his head in his hands and let out a frustrated noise. He had been dreading the day she wanted more, wanted a normal romantic relationship since she'd let it slip she loved him. He did not fool himself she loved him like she loved Loki or Barton. He did not think she loved him the same sense she was fond of her other friends and she sure as hell didn't love him like a brother.

She loved him romantically. She wanted to share everything with him: her life, her body, her mind, her soul.

And that scared the crap out of him.

* * *

 _I say that we're right in the heart of it / A love only we understand / I will bend every light in this city / And make sure they're shining on you_

 _-A Great Big World, "Already Home"_

* * *

She left the next morning without telling him where she was going. Simply packed her huge backpack and said goodbye. He tried not to worry, but he was terrified she wouldn't come back. Her iPhone was still off and the burner phone he'd given her when she'd first arrived was dead. And sitting on the kitchen counter.

She had no good reason to come back. What she wanted, he was refusing to give her. He did want to give her the things she wanted. Oh, god he wanted to. Before, in Alaska, he sure as hell didn't. He was too messed up in his head to really think that way about her. On a basic level he knew she was very attractive, but what to do with that— that was something Sebastian never really thought about till she'd shown up in Romania. Sharing the tiny room and one tiny bathroom made him unable to avoid her like he'd been able to in Alaska. Even in the larger apartment, there was still only one bathroom and bedroom and he thought about it all the time.

All the damn time.

He didn't want to think about it, because he didn't want— couldn't act on it.

She did come back. He was overwhelmed with a host of things when she walked in the front door, but simply asked, "Are you staying?"

She dumped her backpack on the floor next to the door. She dropped her keys into the bowl.

"Action Plan Seven, Seb. I've got it set up," she said, sounding exhausted.

"Oh."

She didn't say anything more, but went into the bedroom and locked the door. Sebastian cowered in the kitchen, lying down on the floor and staring at the ceiling till the sunset. As soon as it was too dark to function without lights, Sebastian picked himself off the floor and tucked his too long hair behind his ears and got to his feet. He walked to the bedroom door and knocked. The door flew open.

"You've got ten minutes."

"To do what?"

"Use the bathroom. I want to sleep."

"Oh," Sebastian said, his heart suddenly shattering into a million pieces at the empty, tired, broken look in her eyes. "What if I don't want to use the bathroom?"

"You still have ten minutes."

He had ten minutes. He studied her. She was standing ram-rod straight wearing a challenging expression, which was kind of cancelled out by the empty, broken, tired glaze to her eyes. He shut the door, cutting out the street light that poured in through the large window in the living area. The bedroom was quiet, almost pitch black dark except for the street light that was somewhere in the alley. It cast the room in dim yellow light that was almost nonexistent where he and Jess stood. Luckily, Sebastian was not the average human, nor was Jess, so they could both see perfectly fine.

He took a step towards her, his emotions warring. Part of him was screaming for him to run away, but a larger portion was roaring to charge forward. Bucky had been a charmer, a professional ladies man. He knew how to act, how to make dames feel great, and come cawing back for more of him.

Sebastian didn't want that at all. So, he discarded everything Bucky Barnes had learned about dames before the war, and acted on instinct. He reached up with his metal hand and gently cupped Jess's cheek, checking her eyes. They looked wetter than normal.

"Do you really know what you're gettin' into?"

"No. I never know what I'm really getting into," she quietly replied. "But I do know what I want, and I want you. All of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly."

"But not the pretty?"

"Fine. I'll take the pretty, too," Jess grumped, her lips upturning.

Sebastian's lips lifted upwards and his eyes locked onto Jess's. "I want to give you everything you want, but I'm afraid I won't be able to."

"I just want you to kiss me. You've got like seven more minutes."

"Just a kiss?"

She nodded.

His heart was hammering and he didn't think he was breathing any more. He glanced at her lips and gently tilted her face upwards. He felt a gently caress along his waist and shuddered. He swallowed thickly, closed his eyes and lowered his head till his lips hit hers.

He had not kissed another woman since his last night stateside. While he'd been in Europe, he'd never taken part in the crap the others got up to, partly because it'd lost its appeal, then because Steve in all his moral glory was there to entertain him (with playing cards, or just wild stories) while the others went off with dames and the what not. After he'd been captured by HYDRA (and Steve was around) booze didn't do anything for him (which freaked him out to no end) and smoking was just as unfulfilling (still did it to keep up appearances). Since those two things after HYDRA were no fun, he assumed sex would also be no fun.

Clearly, he'd been wrong.

Not that he was having sex, he was only kissing Jess.

Masterfully kissing her, if going by the noises she was making and the fact she was climbing him like a tree.

He grasped her thighs as she hoisted herself up to wrap herself around him. Her fingers sank into his hair and he let out a noise he'd never let out before, though he wasn't all that surprised as he loved having his hair played with as he adored having his hair shampooed.

Jess suddenly ripped her lips from his and rested her forehead against hers. They were both panting.

"Oh, god," she breathed. "That…"

"Yeah," Sebastian agreed, tightening his grip on her as he fell backwards into the closed door as he knees didn't seem to be working right. "Uh, yeah."

"You failed to hurt me."

Sebastian nodded, his head feeling cloudy and unclear with her this close, with breathing her air, her scent, her everything.

"I think my ten minutes are up."

"I'll give you thirty," Jess said, her legs tightening around his waist and her hands slowly trailing across his scalp to rest on the back of his neck gently and loosely. "Plus, how ever many years we live."

"Now what?"

"Well, you can kiss me some more, or you can put me down and I'm going to go lock myself in the bathroom."

Sebastian pulled his head back from hers, knocking it against the door. "What are you going to do in the bathroom?"

Jess raised both her eyebrows and gave him a look that made him turn fifty shades of red and stutter incoherently.

"Well?"

Sebastian swallowed, thinking. Or trying to think. It was kind of hard to really think clearly. But, he could think clearly. He could.

"I think I'll kiss you one more time, then put you down."

She pouted, but said, "Okay."

"Maybe tomorrow."

"Tomorrow what?"

"There can be some more…"

"Porn worthy stuff?"

"You have a dirty mind, Witton."

"Not really. I just haven't gotten laid on this planet," she grumped, her fingers snaking back into his hair. "And god, you're…"

She trailed off, her breath stuttering.

"Awesome," Sebastian suggested, using his nose to trace her lips before planting his own back on hers.

He wasn't sure how long they kissed this time before he pulled away. He gazed at Jess as he gently set her feet back on the floor. She was grinning wildly and did her strange dance she did when she was really happy, singing out (out of tune and horribly), " _Everything is AWESOME! Everything is cool when you're part of the team! Everything is AWESOME!_ "

The bathroom door slammed shut. Her screeching continued as Sebastian went into the living room, letting the bedroom door slam. He really didn't want to think what she was doing in the bathroom, but then again he did want to think about it, only if he did, he'd have to really take care of himself.

He looked down and decided he would have to take care of himself. He really wished they had another bathroom.

* * *

 _You, where the hell did you come from? / You're a different, different kind of fun / And I'm so used to feeling numb / Now I've got pins and needles on my tongue anticipating what's to come_

 _-Kelly Clarkson, "Heartbeat Song"_

* * *

Sebastian realized there were lots of things to do without actually having sex. He wasn't sure how he forgot that, as he'd done a number of these things as Bucky. Best way not to get a dame pregnant but have fun too.

Only he became kind of desperate. Not in the sense he was gunning for it because he was denied satisfaction, but in the sense he desperately wanted that connection with Jess. He wasn't sure what connection he was thinking about, as while he was no virgin, he'd never felt like he did about Jess with any other woman he'd ever been with before. He _loved_ Jess. He was not simply attracted to her, he _loved_ her. It was one of the reasons he'd been so baffled and confused about love before. He'd never been in love. He'd loved his family, Steve, and Mrs Rogers, but he'd never felt what he felt for Jess.

Now, though, he knew he loved her. She loved him.

And god, he wanted her with every fiber in his being.

How did people operate?

* * *

 _There is no one compares with you / And these memories lose their meaning / When I think of love as something new_

 _-The Beatles, "In My Life"_

* * *

He spoke with his therapist.

He called Maria back in Anchorage. (That call lasted quite a long time, as he'd not spoken to her in over a year and had pretty much vanished. But after she'd calmed down, she gave him good advice.)

He also spoke to Jess.

She told him it was his move to make.

He felt ready.

So, he made his move.

And boy was he glad he did.

* * *

 _You're my downfall, you're my muse / My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues / I can't stop singing / It's raining, in my head for you_

 _-John Legend, "All of Me"_

* * *

"God."

"What?"

"I'm horny all the time now. I hate you."

"You do not."

"Fine. I don't hate you. Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what? I'm not looking at you like anything."

"You've got bedroom eyes. I hate you."

"You could leave you know."

"Why would I leave? You're super sexy and frosting cupcakes while wearing an apron. A pink polka dot apron. With a shoe on it claiming you'll bake for shoes."

"You are so strange. You bought me this apron."

"And you are so opening a bakery so I can buy more shoes."

"I already sell my goods at the market on Fridays, which is what these are for," Sebastian reminded her. "And you should wear that shirt more often."

Jess stared down at the basic t-shirt she was wearing.

"It belongs to you."

"I know," Sebastian grinned. He reached out and flicked a dollop of icing on her nose. She used her tongue to swipe some of it off. Or she tried. She twisted her head oddly and managed to fall off the stool, breaking the mood and causing Sebastian to bark out a laugh.

Jess stood up, using her finger to get the icing off her nose. "I'm a regular comedian, you know."

"Yeah, I know, doll."

* * *

 _Do you want me to show up for duty and serve this woman and honor her beauty / And finally you have found something perfect and finally you have found…yourself_

 _-Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Hard To Concentrate"_

* * *

Spring burst forth. Sebastian loved spring. Summer fruits were around the corner, plum trees began flowering, and the warm, moist air filled his nose. While in the city the air was polluted, he still loved it. He couldn't wait till later, when summer was upon them and the city was filled with fresh fruits and flowers. While he disliked the summer weather in Bucharest, he enjoyed the fruits of it's labor.

A morning in late May, Jess slowly tumbled out of the bedroom. She'd been sick the past few days. She still looked a little off, but she'd pulled her hair out of her face finally and was dressed in workout clothing.

"You feelin' better?" Sebastian asked as she stumbled into small table they ate their meals at. She sat down and rested her head on the table. She lifted it after a moment and gave him a wane smile.

"I feel like I was hit by a bus, but I got out of bed and got dressed today, so woo hoo me!" She pumped her arms into the air above her head. "I need to continue my weight regime. You know, I have no coordination but I can lift five pound free weights and not knock myself out."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Other than feeling like hitting by a bus, I'm starving and I haven't been the past two days. I don't feel sick," she proclaimed. "I feel human again! Hungry!"

Sebastian regarded her for a moment before he put the bowl of oats before her. He'd cooked them, but they weren't exactly the same as American oats. Jess didn't seem to care as she snarfed the whole bowl down and cleaned off the oranges he'd set out.

"What's on your schedule? I've got work this afternoon," Jess said.

"I'm going to the market. Pretty sure some growers got some plums in," Sebastian said, putting the dishes in the sink to wash later. "I want to try to make fruit leather and some breakfast bars with plum filling."

Jess licked her lips. "Fruit leather?"

Sebastian nodded, giving her a quick kiss on the side of her head. She still smelled a little off, but it was good to see her dressed and upright.

"Don't you need, like, a dehydrator or something for that?"

"No. Just an oven and time," Sebastian said, grabbing his coat and zipping it up. While the afternoons were usually warm and sunny, mornings were cool. And according to Jess, compared with San Antonio weather, Bucharest was heaven. "Figured I'd make the breakfast bars this afternoon while you're out, then the fruit leather tomorrow morning after I bake the cookies for the market. Well, I'd start it. You'd have to leave it alone for a few days to dry it out. Though, I guess I could put it in the oven and dry it out. It goes low enough, I think."

Sebastian moved over to the oven to check it out. Behind him Jess chuckled.

"Okay, Barnes. I'll leave your precious fruit leather alone. Will it be like a Fruit Roll-Up?"

Sebastian thought for a few moments. "Yes."

"Cool. Well, off you pop," Jess said, standing from the table and making shooing motions. "You know I don't like anyone watching me work out because it's so hilarious."

Sebastian smirked. Watching Jess work out was like watching some sort of screw-ball movie from the forties. A feeling welled up inside of him and before he could even think, three words popped out of his mouth.

"I love you."

Jess gazed at him, giving a full blown smile that seemed to radiate from ever fiber of her being.

Those three little words had never fell from his lips, no matter how much he'd willed them out, they'd remained rooted in the back of his throat.

It felt brilliant to have them out there.

"I know."

He swooped down and kissed her before he grabbed his baseball cap, cramming it over his head. His hair was getting out of control again. He needed a haircut ASAP. He threw the door open.

"I love you, too!"

"I know," he threw over his shoulder.

* * *

 _And all of the steps that led me to you / All of the hell I had to walk through / But I wouldn't trade a day for the chance to say / My love, I'm in love with you_

 _-Christina Perri, "The Words"_

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading. Here ends "Take Back the City."


End file.
